Taking responsibility for your choices

>>I started budgeting five years ago when I got on board Dave Ramsey’s program. It changed our lives and resulted in downsizing from 3200 sq. ft. to 1500 sq. ft.. This resulted in saving lots on our utility bills as well and no more gardeners and house cleaners:) One of the higher bills for us is orthodontics and tuition for the yeshiva student/limudei kodesh tutor for the hschooler. These are not really negotiable. I do have a somewhat generous “blow” fund as well for sheitels (cheap ones), slurpees and such.<<

Thank you for sharing your experience, Michelle.  I think people drastically underestimate the power of budgeting and getting their expenses under control to make a huge difference in their finances.  I love how you chose to downsize to a smaller home to make your budget work – housing is the main area in our budget that I very much want to adjust but haven’t yet found a way to do it.  I keep thinking about it, though! 

I hear alot of complaining about expenses, particularly at this time of year.  I don’t begrudge anyone the fun of complaining to a friend and getting some sympathy.  We all enjoy that occasionally.  But it’s the underlying attitude that I’d like to address. 

Too many people claim that most of their expenses are non negotiable (some, like tuition, really aren’t negotiable if you feel your kids need to be in private school), but most expenses have a lot of wiggle room.  Until a person recognizes that they’re making lifestyle choices that affect their spending, they’re going to see themselves as victims.  It’s a lot more prevalent for people to complain about the unrealistic standards of the communities they live in – the material expectations of what kind of simchas/events to host, what kind of vacations to take/clothes to buy, what kind of foods to serve both during the week and for Shabbos/holidays, even the temperature they keep their thermostat set at – than to take personal responsibility and recognize that they are making choices.  

When someone says “I can’t afford it”, “I don’t have time”, etc, they may be accurate.  (Or not. :))  But even if that’s true, it seems to me that one’s energy is better spent by looking at what they can to do change a situation than to bemoan their fate.   I think that asking “How can I make this situation better?” is a much better strategy to living a happy and productive life than saying, “I can’t do anything about it”.   Maybe we will find something we can do to improve our situation if we look hard enough.  (I’ve learned a tremendous amount over the years by being open to those who were successful in the areas I wanted to succeed in.)  It’s certainly a lot more empowering to focus on where our power lies than in where it doesn’t.

Avivah

4 thoughts on “Taking responsibility for your choices

  1. I had thought about not using shmura matza during the week and only for the seders, but decided this is an area in which I don’t want to compromise. I found that buying it through my local Chabad shaliach is $7.00 per pound cheaper than the local kosher grocer! I’ve also decided that it is important for us to drink cholov Yisroel milk, but instead of buying a gallon per week, we’ve cut it to 1/2 gallon. It is only to be used for cereal. Our Pesech expenses are fairly low as we don’t buy packaged foods (other than some spices/coffee). We use cholov Yisroel cheeses anyway (sparingly) so there is no change in that cost as well. Fresh food is so much healthier and tasty.

    michelle

  2. I think we must mentally be on a similar track, Michelle, because I started a post last week about shmura matza for Pesach. I’ll get that up by the beginning of the week, but some of the points touched on are among those that I’m planning to write about.

  3. >the material expectations of what kind of simchas/events to host

    I’ve been “brainwashing” my children from an early age to expect
    a shul bar mitzvah and a shul wedding. I tell them, “For your bris,
    we had breakfast. For your bar mizvah, IY”H, we’ll have lunch. And for
    your wedding, IY”H, we’ll have dinner.” Those are the expectations. And
    when we attend a nice simcha that was modest in scale, I always
    reinforce to my kids how nice it was. Don’t gush over the opulent
    affair, unless you want to host one yourself in 15 years!

    It also helps to show the kids pictures of your own wedding if
    it was modest in scale and style. Emphasize what a nice day it
    was and how much fun everyone had. Good times do not have to
    equal debt!

  4. I’m planning a post on the simcha issue after I give birth, Jennifer! I feel strongly about a number of the points you’ve mentioned.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

WP-SpamFree by Pole Position Marketing