Monthly Archives: March 2010

Weekly menu plan

menu plans,

I was just thinking tonight about how very many weekly menus I’ve shared here – I hope you find them helpful!  Here is this week’s menu:

Shabbos (Sabbath) – dinner – challah, baked chicken, roast potatoes, vegetable salad, marinated tomato olive salad, roasted cauliflower, ratatouille (it actually was something new and not quite ratatouille but I don’t know what to call it!) , kimchi, curried purple sauerkraut, sandwich cookies; lunch – bean stew, chicken, kishke (stuffing), cucumber-tomato-olive salad, almond mandarin salad, carrot cake

Sunday – breakfast – eggnog (raw milk, raw pastured eggs, organic cream, honey); lunch – hearty soup with diced chicken, brown rice and yams; dinner – chicken, ratatouille, salads

Monday – b – Amish oatmeal; l – egg drop soup (lamb broth base with lots of vegetables); d – rice pasta with cheese sauce

Tuesday – b – breakfast bulgur; l – chickpea yam patties; d – quinoa with meat sauce

Wednesday – b – yam rounds with sweet almond sauce; l – baked potatoes with sour cream and vegetables; d – chickpea cheeseburgers

Thursday – b – baked oatmeal; l – CORN (Clean Out Refrigerator Night/day); d – injera with vegetable alecha

Friday – b – polenta with sour cream

Today I decided it was time to do something about the three cases of yams left that I got (for free)  three weeks ago.  Some of them are starting to get small soft spots, and once that happens, it doesn’t take more than a week or two for them to spoil.  I asked my dd9 to estimate how many there were so I could figure out what I had to work with, but she actually counted them all. The verdict is that we have 98 very large yams (each is equal to about three small to medium size yams).  Of those, I had ds11 sort out about 40 lb of those that are in perfect condition, so I don’t have to think about those for now.  Of the other 80 pounds or so, I got busy with today!

a) I have a load of yam chips in the dehydrator right now – I peeled them, sliced them thinly, then spread coconut oil on top before putting them in to dry.  b) I boiled a large pot of sweet potatoes to make into chickpea-yam patties (will adapt this recipe).  c) I made a huge pan of coconut-nut crusted yams that I’ll put in the freezer to use for next Shabbos.  d) I also sliced a bunch of yams thinly and put them in the freezer.  I’m planning to make another dehydrator load full in the morning, and will probably slice up a bunch more for the freezer.  I could can them,  and though right now I don’t want to take the time to do it, if I decide I want to later on, I can take them from the freezer or use the ones that are still in perfect condition.  d) For lunch today I created a new soup that used up the last of the chicken broth, soup chicken, and naturally, included yams.  e) I have yams scheduled for Weds. breakfast with sweet almond sauce.  With wonderful bounty comes much work! 😆

Last time I bought raw milk, I was delighted to find that it stayed fresh for four weeks in the fridge.  Planning to keep everything refrigerated once again instead of freezing some, I sent down several gallons with my kids to our mini fridge in the basement.  Since in the past they didn’t make sure it was plugged in (we don’t use it regularly), I gave explicit instructions that the fridge be plugged in.  I asked them later on if they had, they confirmed it was plugged in. But – I didn’t ask them if they turned the dial on, or if they closed it securely.  🙁  So I now have five gallons of sour raw milk.

Fortunately, unlike pastuerized milk which spoils and is disgusting when it goes off, raw milk continues to be edible and simply changes form.  The cream at the top has changed into sour cream and is really delicious!  The rest of it will be used for soaking lots of grain based dishes, since I can’t think what else to do with it except make it into yogurt.  We’ve been largely avoiding oats and minimizing other grains for a few months now, but these next couple of weeks will see them featured more in our breakfast menus!  The milk will be useful to soak the grains for Amish oatmeal, breakfast bulgur, and baked oatmeal.

We also did an inventory of our pantry, to see what food we have that need to be used up before Pesach (Passover).  It was interesting to note the difference between this year and past years – we really don’t have a lot of grains around anymore, so there wasn’t that much to use up.  I found some rice pasta, a few boxes of bulgur, and a package of teff flour that I bought (many months ago!), thinking I’d make injera (Ethiopian flatbread).

I have a couple of new recipes I’ll be trying out to use up the bulgur, and I’ll start a sourdough starter in the morning with the teff flour so I can make injera on Thursday.  I’m a wimp when it comes to spicy food so I’ll be making a very mild Ethiopian-style vegetable alecha to go with it (that means all hot spices or chili peppers will be omitted!).

I have a large pot of lamb broth bubbling on the stove right now.  Last week I made up a very yummy soup using the broth as a base, adding lots of vegetables (particularly notable amounts of cauliflower and napa), then stirred into the boiling soup a bunch of eggs.  It was very satisfying.  So I’ll be making that again this week.

I have a couple of pounds of chickpeas soaking overnight that I’ll begin sprouting in the morning to use for the chickpea cheese burgers, and two more pounds that were already soaked and are cooking right now to use for the chickpea-yam patties.

Fortunately I got this taken care of by 2:30 pm, so when a friend called to let me know about an event the local police training academy was sponsoring, I was able to spontaneously leave with all nine kids within about ten minutes. We had a really nice time, even the older kids.   They got to do a mock police academy training that consisted of a number of fun activities, go in the fire truck, police helicopter, operate the bomb squad robot – all in all lots of fun!

The minute we got back I had to go with ds3 and ds7 to violin lessons, and then right after returning from there, had to take ds11, dd13, and dd15 to a recital by world-renowned pianist Leon Fleisher.  (They were the ones to go since they take piano lessons.)  It was a wonderfully full day and tomorrow I hope to get started with Passover cleaning!

(This post is part of Menu Plan Monday.)

Avivah

Explaining money limitations to kids

frugal strategies, parenting

>> i am wondering how you deal with money and your kids. as the children get older, there are certain things that they need- and certain things they just really really want- that we just can’t afford. my husband thinks we should tell them our finances- like, “there is only $28 in the bank until the next payday, so we can’t get you x”. that gives me the heebie jeeebies. i think we do a good job of teaching our kids the value of money- so they don’t generally ask for frivolous things.

i know some people who tell their kids ‘this is just not how we choose to spend our money right now.’ that avoids the kids feeling poor, but i think sometimes it isn’t fair, because it implies that you are choosing to let them do without, when really you wish it could be different. i don’t want my kids to be afraid to need things or to feel like we can’t provide for them or to be complexed about our finances. i would prefer is our finances were none of their business, but as they get older, this gets harder.

so, i hope you will see through to the main ideas here- giving over god values while being comapssionate, while balancing everyone’s needs.<<

I decided to ask my kids for their thoughts on this before responding.  So at dinner last week, I told them the question, and asked them what they thought.  There was a long silence and they all looked at me blankly.  Then one of them said, “What do you mean?”  So I explained, “Sometimes we have money limitations and can’t buy you what you want – so how do you feel about that?”  And then they said that that situation has never happened!

Since we’ve had times of being extremely financially limited, I certainly have had to curtail expenses, so I guess they have selective memories. 🙂  I think they have the feeling of not having been deprived of something because they know the difference between wants and needs.  If they have a need, they know we’ll take care of it.  If they have a want, they realize that even if we have the money, we may not choose to spend it in that way – it has to be something we feel is valuable.   So the focus becomes on what the value of the purchase is, not our finances.

I feel it’s really important that kids feel secure in their parents’ ability to provide for them.  And this isn’t about how much you make, but the attitude you project.  I remember years ago we were living on a very, very small income – honestly, it was too small and very stressful just trying to pay bills.  Somehow the name Bill Gates came up, and my kids asked who he was.  So I said he was a man who created Microsoft and became very rich.  My oldest son was about 10 or 11 and he asked, “Is he richer than us?”   I said yes, he was even richer than us.  My son said in an awed voice, ‘wow, he must really be rich!” 😆

I’ve always tried to focus on all that we have, and this is particularly important at times when you really are tight financially.  You can always look at those who have much more than you and feel deprived, or you can look at all of those (most of the world) who don’t have adequate food, shelter, clean water – let alone all the extras we take for granted.  It may sound like something that works to tell a four year old, but none of us are too old to count our blessings.

If I would tell my kids we have $28 left in the bank or not would depend on if we had a savings account and if it was something that was causing me anxiety.  If I knew that we had some kind of cushion, I’d be very comfortable saying I’d spent the budgeted money for the month and am not willing to buy something with a credit card since I don’t have the money right now; they can see you’re being fiscally responsible and feel secure that you have savings of some sort.  ‘Not now’ is a different message than, ‘never no matter how needy you are’.  I routinely tell my kids that I have $x for food (generally a small number since I spend most of the monthly budget at the very beginning of the month) for the next two or three weeks, but I feel no pressure about it – in fact I enjoy the challenge! – and they know that we’re well stocked so that doesn’t leave them wondering if we’ll go hungry.  I wouldn’t say that if I had an empty pantry and my option was feeding them one meal a day.  If you literally have only $28 in the bank, I would absolutely not say anything about that – you’d be anxious and fearful, and so would your kids. Better to just say you don’t have the money right now.

I’m comfortable explaining that we have a limited amount of money and we have to make choices.  Everyone has some kind of financial limitation, so I don’t see this as an indication that we’re poor or something unique my kids have to suffer with.  In fact, I see this as an important and positive concept for children to understand, something that many kids (and adults!) nowadays don’t have much of a concept of.

Sometimes our children need help recognizing when they are making choices that limit what they get.  For example, if you can afford a certain item at a thrift stop this month (obviously in reasonable condition) but have to wait until next month for that item at the mall, and your children insist that only the mall works for them, then it’s not about you depriving them.  It’s about the choices that they’re making.  My kids enjoy going with me to thrift stores since I only buy good quality items in excellent condition, so their association with thrift stores is positive – they see it as a way to pay low prices for nice merchandise.  If I bought what looked like other people’s throwaways, they’d have different associations.  Also, they know that if I can’t find what they need there, I’ll buy it at a retail store, so I think that also affects their perception – it’s not like they have to take whatever I get them regardless of how they like it.

As our children have gotten older, they have some things they’d like and they use their own money to buy those things.  If they really want something and I’m not inclined to buy it for them, then they can get it themselves.  They work for their money and they’re allowed to use it as they see fit. But sometimes I put limits on this – for example, sometimes on our shopping day one particular child will request to buy junk food with his money.  I don’t mind if he gets a small amount, but just because he’s willing to pay wouldn’t make me more likely to get  processed breakfast cereals than if I was footing the bill – I just don’t see it as beneficial.

I understand that feeling of wishing you could give your kids more when you run up against a financial limitation.  Generally I feel like we can give our kids most of what they want and need, but sometimes we can’t and I feel a tug when I say ‘no’ to something I want to say ‘yes’ to.  As my kids get older, I’ve run into more of these situations.  I think that’s where the struggle is, when we feel we’re depriving our children because we just don’t have enough, that they really are deprived.  I said above that I’ve taught my kids to differentiate between wants and needs, and sometimes I have to remind myself about this.  Otherwise, we parents can always find something to feel guilty about!

Avivah

Alternatives to toothpaste

dental health, nutrition, ,

Several weeks ago I wrote about the problems with toothpaste, and now I’ll share with you some options to toothpaste. What you eat and what you brush your teeth with are critical to your dental health, since teeth are mineralized through absorption of saliva.  That means that changing the quality of your diet will change the quality of your saliva (among other things), and if your teeth are properly cleaned (ie no glycerin coating from commercial toothpaste), they will be able to absorb minerals from your saliva.

There are lots of good options to toothpaste, most of which are very affordable.  I’ll start with some of what I’ve used:

Toothsoap – this is what I started using four years ago.  It’s a natural soap with added flavors, shredded and comes in a jar.  It was convenient since each child could use one shred, so I didn’t have to be concerned about all of them dipping their toothbrushes in.  It was effective, but very, very expensive.  So much so that I couldn’t justify the price, which is why I went on to look for other frugal choices.

Coconut oil – coconut oil is a primary ingredient in tooth soap, so it made sense to me that it could be used on its own.  However, since it solidifies at temperatures below 72 degrees, in the winter it’s not a great choice for us.  Plus, I couldn’t find a good way to dispense it for multiple children.  But dh and I use it in the summer.

Baking soda- this has an alkalinizing and odor reducing quality.  I like using plain baking soda, and the only caveat is that you have to use a very tiny amount.  I generally dip the tip of my brush in, and then rinse it slightly with water before brushing.  It’s an abrasive and if you were to use generous amounts on your teeth daily, it could affect your tooth enamel.  I’m used to the flavor and really like the sparkling clean feeling my mouth has after brushing.

Bar soap – This is a cheap option to toothsoap and works just as well.  Bar soap rinses off with two rinses, unlike the glycerin in commercial toothpastes that takes 27 rinses to come off, and allows the nutrients in your diet to be absorbed by your teeth.  It seemed unsanitary to have all the kids share one bar of soap for their teeth and I considered cutting a bar of soap into chunks so each child could have their own.  But practically speaking I didn’t see how they could each keep track of their chunk.  It’s hard enough for them to keep track of their toothbrushes (younger siblings have a way of walking off with them.:)).

My most recent experiment for them has been to buy a 2 oz bottle of Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap – it comes in many flavors and isn’t expensive at all (though you do have to place a minimum order – but I got just enough for the minimum order and the half gallon of peppermint soap will provide us with enough refills for toothsoap for many years- and I can use it as a multi purpose cleaner, too).  This has worked really, really well for the kids. They are fine with the flavor (we got peppermint) and it’s easy to dispense.  So far this is by far my favorite option for children.

Homemade tooth powder – it’s very easy to make your own tooth powder.  Most of the ingredients can be found in your pantry. I made some for dh and I just because I was curious to try it.  Here are the basic categories that your ingredients will fit into:

Use any food grade clay – I used bentonite clay since that’s what I had in the house, but you can use red, yellow, green, or white clay as well.  Bentonite clay absorbs impurities, which is exactly what your mouth is filled with while brushing.

Then add an abrasive – you can use baking soda or salt.  If you use a high quality mineral salt like Real Salt, then you’re increasing the nutritional value of your tooth powder.

For flavoring, there are lots of options.  You can use any essential oils that appeals to you; I chose cinnamon because of the antiseptic properties of cinnamon, but most people would probably prefer peppermint.  As long as you like the flavor, I don’t think it matters that much.  Alternatively or in addition, you can use a powdered herb like cinnamon.

Nutritional boosters – now you can have some fun with this.  Basically you can throw in any powdered herb or real food that you like.  Spirulina, powdered ginger, powdered cloves – I decided to blend up some orange peels that I dehydrated a while back for the vitamin C content.  You can also leave these out completely.

Honestly, I don’t think that percentages matter much, because pretty much however you mix up whatever you use, it will be good.  I’ll share what I did, but it was my only version and I pretty much was trying to put in as many ingredients as possible so I didn’t have to choose between them.  😆  I’ll share suggestions to improve it at the end.

  • 4 T. stevia leaves (not processed stevia)
  • 1 T. orange zest
  • 1 T. bentonite clay
  • 1 T. Real Salt
  • 2 T. baking soda
  • a couple of drops of cinnamon oil

I powdered the stevia leaves and orange zest – be sure to sift them unless you want to end up with my version, which has tiny pieces.  (I could still sift it now, but it’s not a priority.)  Next, mix the powdered and sifted stevia leaves and orange zest together with the other dry ingredients.  Then add just a couple of drops of essential oil – since these are so powerful, you only need a tiny bit.  Mix it up and store it in a covered container in your bathroom.  Dip your moist toothbrush in it when you’re ready to brush your teeth.

What I’m happy with is the pleasant taste of the stevia and cinnamon oil.  What I would change for the next time is to make a choice – baking soda or salt – not both.  If you take my suggestion and use one or the other, you can double the amount of whichever you use, and totally eliminate the ingredient you don’t use, and the final proportions will stay the same.  Hope that makes sense!

As I said, this is what I had on hand so this is what I played around with. But I saw so many other possibilities just using the herbs and spices I had right in my kitchen cabinets.

(This post is part of Real Food Wednesday and Works for Me Wednesdays.)

Avivah

2nd Annual Torah Home Education Conference schedule

homeschooling,
The Second Annual Torah Home Education Conference will take place on June 13, 2010 from 8 am – 5 pm in Baltimore, MD.  There are childcare options for infants – age 3, a day camp for children ages 4 – 10, and a teen girls get together for ages 11 – 17. This is the only event of its kind taking place anywhere in the country, and will be just one day, so don’t miss your chance!

The schedule and brief bios of speakers are below, and if you want more info you can visit http://jewishhomeschooling.wordpress.com or be in touch with one of the contact people listed at the bottom. Please share this with anyone you know who may be interested!

Second Annual Torah Home Education Conference Schedule

8:15 registration

9 – 9:15 – Introduction – Mrs. Avivah Werner– “The Road Less Traveled”

9:15 – 10:15 –

keynote speaker – Rabbi Daniel Lapin– “And You Shall Teach Them to Your Children – Does it really mean what it says?”

10:25 – 11:15 –

a) Mrs. Susan Lapin – “Life After Homeschooling – What does it look like?”

b) Mrs. Yehudis Eagle – “Teaching Tefilla (Prayer): More than Technicalities”

11:25 – 12:15 – general session – Rabbi Yosef Benzion Bamberger– “The Challenges In Our Yeshivos”

12:20 – 1:50 Lunch (enjoy fellowship over lunch in the Eating Together Room, browse curriculums in Center for Jewish Education)

1:55 – 2:45 pm –

a) Mrs. Avivah Werner – Home Education on a Shoestring

b) Mrs. Chana Lazaroff – Home Education for the Special Needs Child

2:55 -3:45 –

a) Dr. Russell Hendel – Teaching Chumash and Rashi

b) Mrs. Malky Adler – Minimizing Outsider Syndrome (women only)

3:55 – 4:45 – general session –

Rabbi Simcha Feuerman – Home Education: The Way of the Future

4:45 – closing

In alphabetical order is a brief bio of our speakers:

Mrs. Malky Adler is the mother of nine children living in Detroit, MI and has been home educating for six years.  Her children range in age from infant through high schoolers.  She will talk about the challenges of homeschooling when living in a community that views you as an outsider because of your unusual education choices and how to effectively deal with that.

Rabbi Yosef Bentzion Bamberger is an experienced educator with over 25 years of experience and has taught every grade from third to Beis Medrash, as well as Girls in Seminary.  He has served for five years as a high school principal, is currently the Mashgiach Ruchanni and 9th grade Maggid shiur at Yeshivas Ohr Reuven in Monsey, and the Rav of Kehilla Kedosha Yad Halevi of Wesley Hills.  He has spoken nationally about various aspects of chinuch.  He is now homeschooling his youngest child, and will speak from his experience inside the yeshiva system for two and a half decades about the challenges our schools are facing.

Mrs. Yehudis Eagle is the mother of 11 children, several of whom are grown, and has been homeschooling for over 15 years.  She has an integrated and holistic approach to home education, and will speak abouthow to approach tefilla as a home educator.

Dr. Russell Hendel, Ph.D, A.S.A., has taught chumash to homeschooled children from the ages of 5 – 11 and produced over 400 worksheets.  He has developed a unique and effective approach to teaching Rashi, is creator of www.rashiyomi.com website, and will give an interactive presentation to help parents teach chumash and Rashi.

Rabbi Daniel Lapin, known world-wide as America’s Rabbi, is a noted rabbinic scholar, best-selling author and host of the Rabbi Daniel Lapin Show on San Francisco’s KSFO. He is one of America’s most eloquent speakers and his ability to extract life principles from the Bible and transmit them in an entertaining manner has brought countless numbers of Jews and Christians closer to their respective faiths.   In 2007 Newsweek magazine included him in its list of America’s fifty most influential rabbis.  Rabbi Lapin will be our keynote speaker for the conference and will talk about the Torah view of home education.

Mrs. Susan Lapin now is involved full-time in the her husband in his business and writing endeavors, after years of homeschooling their seven children.  She is a wealth of practical knowledge regarding home education and family life, and is now the grandmother of children who are being home educated.  She will be traveling from Seattle, WA, to share with us her experience and long term perspective on transitioning from home education to schools, yeshivos, seminaries, and college.

Mrs. Chana Lazaroff is the mother of two married daughters and two sons with Down’s Syndrome.  She has been home educating them from birth, drawing on her background as an occupational therapist but even more from her ongoing learning about how to help her children reach their potential.  She will speak to us about home education for the special needs child.

Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R maintains a private practice specializing in high conflict couples and families.  In addition, he serves as Director of Community Mental Health Services at Ohel, and as President of Nefesh International.  He is the author of 2 books, numerous professional articles, and along with his wife, a weekly column in the Jewish Press on matters of family relationships, religion, education and psychology.  He has also home educated two of his children and will share about creating a dynamic limudei kodesh curriculum and his belief that home education is the way of the future.

Mrs. Avivah Werner is the founder of the Torah Home Education Conference, founder of J-LIFT, a Baltimore area homeschool group, moderator of Torch-d, international listserve for Orthodox homeschoolers, and frequently blogs about home education at www.oceansofjoy.wordpress.com.  She has written about home education for national and local publication, and has been home educating for ten years.  The oldest of her nine children will be graduating from homeschooling this June.  She will share about how to make homeschooling effective without breaking the bank.

For registration – Alisa –  apmandel@yahoo (dot) com, or 410-963-2977; or Sara – srayvy@yahoo (dot) com.  The advance registration fee is $25 per person, $40 per couple until May 1, 2010.  After that, the regular pricing of $50 per person, $90 per couple will apply.  So don’t get so busy with Pesach preparations that you miss your chance to save big by registering in advance!  You can go to http://jewishhomeschooling.wordpress.com for more details.

**We are incredibly fortunate to have the speakers of the caliber we do, and realize that there will be interest in attending from those who aren’t Jewish or interested in homeschooling. As much as I hate to disappoint anyone, this conference is open only for Jewish homeschooling families, or Jewish families interested in homeschooling.**

Avivah

Getting stuck ring off

miscellaneous, parenting

A couple of weeks ago, my ds7 found a heavy duty metal ring (kind of like a washer but rounded, not flat) and slipped it onto his finger.  He went to sleep with it on and when he woke up his finger was swollen slightly above the ring and we couldn’t get it off.  I wasn’t too worried, because I figured if it went on that easily, it should come off with a little bit of time and effort.  I was wrong.

We tried pouring dish soap on his finger, we tried oil, we tried icing it down and then putting dish soap and oil on it, but no luck.  The metal circle had a tiny gap where the two sides almost connected, so we tried prying it apart with pliers.  No luck.  It wasn’t hurting him so it wasn’t urgent, but I obviously wanted to get it off before it could cause problems.  When someone mentioned that jewelers have tools to deal with this kind of situation, I decided to take him.

So off we went today to the jeweler.  The jeweler tried using the tool he cuts rings off with, but the metal was so thick and so hard that it hardly made a dent.  He tried using a special kind of saw, by taking off the thin blade, slipping it under ds’s finger, reattaching it and then sawing away from his finger so he couldn’t be hurt.  No luck.  He tried a stronger blade in the saw.  Nothing.  Then he took out some dish soap.  Do you think it helped?  Nope.  He and the other jeweler each grasped one of their special pliers and pulled as hard as they could on each side to try to increase the gap.  Didn’t budge.

The jeweler was very concerned and told me he honestly didn’t know what to suggest for me.  I felt sick to my stomach wondering how we were going to get this metal circle off his finger if the people who specialized in this couldn’t do it.   He said maybe a pediatrician would have experience with other kids doing this and ideas who we could ask, so on the way home I stopped at our doctor and asked her if she had any inspiration.

She suggested the emergency room, an idea I firmly refused.  I told her there’s no way they’d have the tools or skills to deal with it, and after they botched up the last time we were there with this child I don’t have much confidence in their ad hoc strategies to dealing with unusual situations.  At that time he was four and had something stuck in his ear, and after waiting 3 hours for them to get the instrument they needed from another part of the hospital (and no, it wasn’t being used by anyone else – I told them I’d be happy to take the ten minutes necessary to go get it but they said it was against their policy), they took an inappropriate sharp instrument and bloodied his inner ear (fortunately not puncturing his ear drum) but still didn’t get it out.  The ENT we took him to afterward was appalled.  I was thinking I’d have to go to a hardware store and ask if they knew any machinists who worked with miniatures.

But then our pediatrician said she’d ask the dentist next door if he had any ideas.  He came in and took a look and confidently said, ‘No problem, I can get that off.’ I was thinking that once he saw what he was dealing with he wouldn’t be so confident, but I was grateful for his willingness to try and off we went to his office.  He took this miniature golf club looking instrument and tried to enlarge the gap.  After trying for a few minutes with no improvement, he said, “Wow, this metal is really hard, it’s not moving.”  My heart was starting to sink again when he said, “I’ll have to drill it off.”

So we went to the back room and he took out his tiny little drill he uses for cavities, and drilled off the ring.  I was so relieved!  Ds11 and dd9 stayed in the waiting room of the pediatrician for this, and ds11 told me afterwards he didn’t want to come and hear that the dentist also couldn’t get it off – watching the jeweler try so many things that weren’t working left he and I with our hearts in our throats.

I didn’t have time to get them something to visibly show my appreciation before they closed this afternoon, but tomorrow morning I’m going to purchase some nut/dried fruit platters to thank both the dentist and jeweler.  I’m so, so, so relieved and grateful to have it off, and though I hope none of you ever run into this situation, if you ever do, now you know to go straight to your dentist’s office!

Avivah

Needing time for self

homemaking, parenting

>>and the more I see the pic the more I just cant stop being baffled at how you dont lose your mind from having this clan home every single single live long day. I just cant imagine how you dont need your space for a few hours every day to just do your thing without needing to respond to some child’s request. For the life of me no matter how many blog entries I’ll read, I will not be able to fathom the concept of being home with your entire family every single day of the year.<<

I’ve written about how can I stand to be around my kids all day, and I think part of the answer is that there are some things you just can’t understand until you experience them.  It’s not just that my kids are home all day and most other families have their kids in school during the day, but the mindset about it that is a big difference.  But I wanted to respond to a different point since it touches on something I’ve been thinking about these last few days.  And that is the importance of having time for yourself.

Don’t think I have a superhuman ability to push off my own needs to take care of everyone else 24/7.  I really enjoy spending time with my children, but occasionally I feel like I need more ‘self time’ than what I’m getting.  It’s not about them and how well-behaved they are or aren’t; it’s about me not carving out time for myself.  When I ignore my needs, I get the same feelings of burnout that everyone else does and I feel less calm and happy and more irritable and edgy.

I’ve been recognizing a few warning signs that I’ve been neglecting making that quiet time in my day.  When my mind gets too full or feels too busy, it’s like I subconsciously do things to create some space that aren’t effective or helpful.  Things like sometimes looking through my kids when they talk to me, giving instructions that aren’t clear because I’m too busy thinking about the next thing to be precise in what I’m saying that moment (pick ‘that’ up, put ‘this’ somewhere) or starting a thought and then not finishing it, and spending too much time on the computer (which can have a zoning out effect).

But the clearest warning was that a few days ago I told my husband I wanted to go away by myself for a day or two.  Not that I’m going to do it, since I have a nursing baby and taking him would defeat the purpose, but I was really feeling like I needed to be left alone for at least a day.  No noise, no people – just a hotel room where everything stays where I put it, no one needs me for anything, and I can rest and read as much as I want!  Sounds good, doesn’t it? 🙂

I find that feeling overextended or run down usually develops gradually, until you get to the point that it’s so obvious it kind of smacks you in the face.   Particularly since I’m going into the busiest season of the year with Pesach (Passover) less than a month away, it’s important to reevaluate how I’m spending my time and why.  That helps me to realign what I do with what I really believe is the best thing to do – which I haven’t been doing.  I’ve been doing everything I think is important and lots of other stuff, too!  The important stuff isn’t the problem – it’s the not so important stuff that I let myself get busy with.

And physically I know there’s an effect – the baby is 9 months old but the extra weight hasn’t come off as I expected it to (and no dietary improvements have shifted this).   I’m pretty sure my metabolism isn’t functioning well due to my adrenals being exhausted and my cortisol level being out of whack (which changes the insulin response of the body), both directly related to  sleeping too little.  And I haven’t wanted to look at this because it means making changes in my schedule that are hard for me to make (like going to sleep really early) and doing less than I want to do.  But you know that little voice of intuition inside?  That’s what it’s telling me.

I have plenty of things I need to do every day, but I’m going to be cutting down or cutting out some things entirely.  And because I know I can psych myself out by feeling like all my little improvements aren’t going to make enough of a difference to be worthwhile, I’m consciously crediting myself for small changes – like going to sleep earlier and taking a walk around the block once a day to get some fresh air.  I’m also being careful to be aware of and limit my time online.   So though I don’t plan to significantly cut down on blogging, if you see I’m not posting my usual 5 – 6 posts a week, you’ll know why!

Avivah