Today I got up nice and early to whip my house into shape in time for the photographer to come (for pictures to post along with the online listing). That wasn’t incredibly relaxing because you know the feeling of knowing there’s no way you can do what you need to do in the amount of time you have? This is an area I tend to feel very uptight about (people coming into my private space and looking around), but somehow today, in spite of 4.5 hours of sleep (had to stay up late to take care of some conference stuff while the house was quiet), I was able to do what I needed to without getting emotional or tense about the situation.
The photographer came ten minutes early, right before I walked out with ds8 to his dental appointment, so I got to meet him and then introduced him to all of the kids. Since ds3 had a pre-op physical scheduled right after ds8’s dentist visit, I took him along, and on my way out, took ds2 (he just had a birthday a few days ago – doesn’t time fly?!?). He wasn’t feeling good and was out of sorts – maybe in part because he woke up at midnight and wanted to spend time with me during my ‘get work done while it’s quiet time’. That’s why I didn’t finish until 2:30 am!
Anyway, I thought I’d take him with me so that the older kids would be able to do what they needed to without having to watch him. That was more noble of me than I anticipated- it was an hour long dental visit, followed by an hour long visit with the pediatrician. Ds3 and ds2 quickly got bored in the very small waiting area during the first appointment and thought it was amusing to play with the front door. Redirecting them repeatedly took a lot of energy on this particular day – I could have used a nap before I left the house!
The good news is – as of today, all of the dental visits for the family are finished! (With the exception of ds3’s extensive work that will be done under general in a month, and dd10, who won’t see a dentist until after we move.) 21 trips to the dentist later, everyone’s mouth is in good shape. Yes, 21.
That doesn’t include 2 trips to the orthodontist, 2 trips to the oral surgeon, 2 trips to the lab for blood work, one day at the emergency room, two trips to the osteopath, three trips to the chiropractor, and four trips to the gastroenterologist. Or the visits to the Jewish Agency for interviews and then again for more paperwork, or to the Israeli embassy twice (tomorrow morning will be the third time), or two trips to get our US passports processed. Or the pediatrician today, or the oral surgeon on Friday. Or Pesach. Or preparing for the conference. Or getting our house ready to sell, or trying to find a place to live in Israel. I don’t think I want to add all of that up, but I know it’s a lot. I suppose it’s good that I’m waiting to take dd10 to the dentist after we move, or the total would be higher.
What’s really nice is that it’s finally winding down! I looked at my planner today to schedule a date for a check-up for ds2 with the pediatrician, and I had wide open weeks to choose from. Well, maybe not wide-open, but it looks like it since I haven’t yet written in all the appointments to conduct reviews for local homeschooling families filing their end of the year paperwork. But I told the director of the umbrella program that I could only meet with seven families, so that’s a finite amount of meetings. Though I know there will be a lot more to do in preparation for our move, it’s nice to feel like a good bit of things have been taken care of.
You know, until this week I haven’t wanted to write or talk about a lot of what I’ve been doing. I felt when I did, my carefully kept in-check energy would start shifting and speeding up in a negative way, and I didn’t want to stress out others or myself by describing what I’ve been doing – there’s been a lot of life to live in between the highlighted appointments above. But this week I realized I had shifted my perspective back into a better place because I was able to talk about what I’ve been doing, and not feel myself talking faster to keep up with my thoughts. I wasn’t stressed out before, but now I feel calm inside, whereas before I was really working to keep that calm. Part of this shift came after someone I spoke to suggested that I needed to stop being so attached to the outcomes I desired and let go – not an easy thing to do, to be working to accomplish things and simultaneously not be emotionally attached to if they get done in the way I want or not.
But she was right, and it was a powerful reminder than I can do what I do, but I have to remember that Hashem runs the world, and I can only do the footwork for my little part in the world. And how it ends up isn’t dependent on me. It’s a good head space to be in now, and I’m glad to be here.