This past week has been a really nice one – after a very long while of being super busy, things are finally shifting into just regular busy, and I remembered what it was like to be the person I like to be – basically, to be very present in the moment.  And that has been fantastic.

Ironically, just when I finally had both the time and desire to post about a number of issues – I’m unable to!  Though many of you may have been assuming that things are so hectic I don’t have time to write, it’s actually my current computer situation that has been the cause.
One night we turned the computer off, and all was working normally.  The next morning, the screen didn’t go on.  And not being able to see anything on your computer screen definitely puts a crimp in computer usage.  😛

While technically it’s not the best time to be unable to access the things I need on the computer since there are so many things I need to do, on the other hand, it’s created a feeling of freedom – I can’t check my emails, research facts related to our move, read things of interest – there’s no online competition for my time and no feeling of guilt or ‘I should get to that’ because I can’t.   This is wonderful!! I’ve been going to sleep earlier, spending more time with my husband and children just being there, started a new read aloud with the kids, got lots of interesting non-fictions books from the library to tie into our read aloud  – and am enjoying feeling balanced without having to work at being balanced.

Every time something happens to the computer, after the first feelings of annoyance or frustration, I begin to enjoy the extra space in my life that has opened up.  As useful as the computer is, it so easily becomes a time and energy drain.  Though I consciously limit the time that I spend online, and have extensively cut back this year on the online reading and research I used to do, it’s still so easy for the time to expand.  Even if it doesn’t, computer usage is a block of time that can be otherwise very constructively used with my family.

It reminds me of the feeling I had on several occasions when my watch broke.  I’m a very time conscious person – that means that being on time and reliable is an important value to me – and I’m constantly checking my watch to be sure I’m where I need to be at a given time.  After a few days of having no watch, I realized how much more relaxing it was not to constantly be able to check the time.   In spite of this, each time I’ve replaced my broken watch after several weeks, when the inconvenience of not having a watch overcame the benefits.  However, it’s now been almost two months that I haven’t had a watch, and perhaps especially because it was such an incredibly busy time, I found it has helped me stay centered on what needed to be done rather than the minutes on the clock.  I’ve learned to create bigger blocks of time and more margin to get things done, which allows me to do what I need to do in the necessary time frame, as well as to stay more calm while doing it.  It’s fascinating to see how easily our tools become our masters, isn’t it?!

As much as part of me dreams of not ever fixing the computer and going back to a simpler and quieter time in life, the computer is too important a tool for me to voluntarily give up. When I do go back to my regular computer usage (I’m currently using the library computer to take care of business – it’s the first time in a week and the time constraints force me to be very focused), I hope it will be with a stronger sense of honoring what is really important in my life and keeping the computer very much in the background, rather than allowing it to move into the foreground.

Avivah