As I watched ds5 on his first day of kindergarten (Tues), I was thinking about ds4 waiting another year to enter this same class.  Though ds5 integrated very fluidly – his teacher keeps telling me what an amazing boy he is, how he seems to understand everything even without speaking Hebrew and get along well with lots of boys – I’m very aware that this is a gift of his nature.  So I realize that his experience won’t necessarily be indicative of what to expect for his younger brother in the coming year, and I began to think about what would best help ds4 acclimate.

It’s common among Anglos in Israel to speak English at home and to send their child to a Hebrew speaking gan (playgroup/preschool) program when they are about three.  At that age they very easily pick up the language and there’s not much of a self-consciousness about not being able to talk (because how much do they talk anyway?!).  Years ago, I spoke with a preschool teacher who told me she had two boys who first entered the gan system at 4 years old, unusually late in Israel.  It happened to be the mothers of both were friends of mine so I knew both of these boys were great kids, but the teacher told me their adjustment was significantly harder than for the three year olds because of their age.

The first morning that ds5 was in kindergarten, ds4 began requesting to go to gan (preschool) as well.  Our home dynamic has shifted very quickly around here from being a very social place with lots of action to suddenly being very quiet.  That means that I’m the one who needs to actively create the activity that previously was a shared venture between all of us.   Even after making myself much more available than usual, ds4 repeatedly was asking for more snacks and activities (from boredom) – after all, he lost the playmate who he spent most of his time with.

So I began to seriously consider sending ds4 to gan.  In addition to the age issue, one advantage of sending him this year is that the four and five year old programs are in buildings that are side by side, and the children can see each other at play during recess.  I felt that going together with ds5 would make ds4 feel connected, and this set up would keep him from feeling like he was totally alone among a sea of kids he can’t verbally communicate with.  Next year, ds5 would be in a different area and ds4 would really be on his own.  If he’s going to be totally on his own, it would be good to have the language.

While I was weighing these factors, we gave ds4 a chance to see the classroom, students, and teacher, and to watch what his response to them was.  On Weds., dh went to pick up ds5 from gan, and then  went in afterwards for ds4 to see the building from the inside and meet the teacher.  I did the same thing the following day.  Ds4 was very, very excited about going.  So we officially enrolled him, and this morning, Friday, I took ds5 and ds4 to gan, dropped of ds5, and then went in with ds4 (and ds2, who had come along with me).

I stayed for about an hour and 15 min to watch how things were going.  I told the teacher in advance that I’d be sitting in the back of the room and would stay as long as I felt ds4 needed me there, even if it meant being there the entire morning.  (I know that having parents stay around that long isn’t something that Israeli gannenets/ early childhood teachers are comfortable with, so I wanted her to have a heads up.)

I had expected ds4 to stay by my side for a while before going to play, but after hanging up his backpack, he immediately began coloring a picture at a table on the far side of the room.  Then he found the book section and plopped himself on the kiddie couch to look at some books, where ds2 eventually joined him since he got bored sitting on my lap.  (The first hour of the morning is free play though the teachers are circulating the entire time and providing different games and toys to the boys, so this was okay.)  Soon afterwards he began interacting with some of the other boys, and he seemed to be enjoying being there.  Not only didn’t he have the slightest hesitation when I left, he had a big smile on is face every time I glanced over at him.

All of these changes are happening very quickly, and they’re big changes.  I’m so busy taking care of things that it’s almost like I don’t have the luxury of feeling what I’m feeling about all of this.  But sometimes at unexpected moments, I suddenly get a big lump in my throat, like this morning when the teacher put on music to indicate clean-up time at the end of free play.  It was a piece from The Nutcracker, a ballet that I’ve taken my kids to a number of times, and I myself don’t know why that triggered me.  Maybe something about it being part of my old familiar life at a time when everything else is new and different; maybe because it’s a reminder of our homeschooling life when I did lots of trips and activities with our kids, together as a family rather than each one being in their own program.  I don’t know.

Dh picked him up from school and said the teacher told him that he fully participated and was happy the entire morning.  When he walked in the door, he had his backpack, a big helium balloon stating ‘Bruchim Habaim’ (welcome), and a glowing smile!