Toddler repeatedly leaving bedroom at bedtime

parenting

>>my son (2.5) takes 3 hours to go to sleep now- he finds any excuse to come out of his room, and if i lock the door he screams and i cant bare it. hell ask for food, tissues, bandaids and anything else.  PLEASE any advice is gold right now!<<

I wouldn’t suggest locking the door when your son goes to bed, since it’s a scary thing for a child.  It’s much better to leave it open when he goes to sleep so he can see that even though he’s going to sleep, you are still there for him.

Here are a couple of things to consider before taking any action steps: is he tired when you put him to bed?  Is he taking a long or late nap during the day and he’s really not ready for sleep later in the evening?  If not, maybe he needs to take a shorter nap during the day, more time outdoors in the afternoon to burn off some energy, or more of a bedtime ritual to help him unwind.  If he’s tired and ready for sleep when bedtime comes around, go on to the next thing below.

The next issue is to be sure that bedtime is positive and not punitive.  Look, none of us want to stop doing something we’re enjoying, and for little kids, it’s more fun to be awake than to go to bed.  So we have to make an effort for bedtime to be nice time together.  To start, maybe you can sit next to him for a little while when he goes to bed so he doesn’t feel that bedtime means a sudden big separation.

Then, once you’re doing the bedtime ritual with a child who is tired and ready for bed, he needs to see you’re consistently having the same expectations of bedtime.  Before he goes to sleep, offer him a drink and remind him that once he’s in bed that’s it.  If he asks for something once he’s in bed, tell him pleasantly but firmly, ‘Now it’s time for bed, tomorrow when you wake up you can have a (whatever it is).’
Broken record with this – he needs to keep getting the same response again and again, without you escalating emotionally or verbally.  You don’t have to say this forever – if you’ve had enough after three times, you can tell him, “Mommy said we’re not getting/having that right now. Mommy’s not going to talk about it anymore.’  And then don’t talk about it. Just sit quietly next to him and put your finger to your lips with a little bit of a smile (so you don’t look mean and threatening) if he says something.
Can you visualize this?  Firm and loving.
Good luck!
Avivah

6 thoughts on “Toddler repeatedly leaving bedroom at bedtime”

  2. Hello, I got 2 messages on my email that you had written a new blog, one about vaccination and one about ideal spacing, when i click on it it states that the blogs don’t exist. Did I do something wrong or did you take them off again, just wondering. I love reading your blog. Diane

    Reply

    1. You didn’t do anything wrong, Diane, I did! A while back I accidentally posted the vaccination one prematurely instead of saving it as a draft; eventually I’ll get it put up!

      The other post is there right now, just the system pulled it for a few minutes when I was adjusting the time for accuracy.

      Thanks for bearing with me!

      Reply

  4. Another thought… Sometimes if the serotonin/melatonin levels are off children will have trouble going to sleep. Making sure they are getting their daily codfish oil may make a world of difference as well.

    Reply

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