Birth plans in flux

A few readers have emailed me privately and asked about how things are going pregnancy-wise.  Thank G-d, I’ve started my ninth month and am overall feeling good.  Yesterday my sister, who was due ten days after me, had her baby (mazel tov, Tovah!), which very much made me aware that time is passing quickly!  And if I hadn’t officially adjusted my dates to be sure that I don’t run into any issues in case I go three weeks overdue again (though I think the likelihood of that is very low), my official due date would be three weeks from now rather than four.

I’ve had so many things that I’m trying to get taken care of before I give birth, and my birth plan has fallen behind all of those things.  As of now it looks like I’m going to be shifting my plans for a homebirth to a hospital birth, but this hasn’t yet been decided on.  After five homebirths and very strong positive feelings about the benefits, a hospital birth has been a very hard thing for me to be willing to even consider.  Though on Sunday I went to see the hospital I would go to, I’m still not able to say that I’ll definitely go there.  It’s just too big a difference in terms of what I’m used to and what the hospital practices are for me to mentally let go of my picture of what birth is supposed to be like, and so when my kids and husband ask what I’ll be doing, I say ‘I haven’t yet decided but probably the hospital’.

What’s shifted my thinking away from homebirth at this point?  It’s not because I believe the hospital is the best or safest place, that’s for sure!  It’s purely a logistical decision.  For the last five months, I’ve had an ongoing low grade level of stress thinking about how to legally document the baby’s birth but what finally tipped the scales away from homebirth is the cost.

Recent circumstances of having a child hospitalized for two weeks and other children who I want to provide with care from alternative health practitioners has meant lots of extra expenses, none of which currently fit into our regular budget.  A homebirth with the midwife I’d like to use will be approximately 5000 shekels plus another 1000 to have a doctor sign the paperwork since the midwife isn’t licensed in Israel.  (None of the licensed midwives I called were willing or able to attend my birth; if one of them would have come there would have still been a cost issue but not a documentation issue.)

Though I’d budgeted for the birth, I have choices I need to make about if that’s the best way to spend that money now that other factors have come into play.  6000 shekels ($1500) can go a long way towards extra expenses for our children right now.  For example, one child had weekly reflexology sessions recommended- at about another 500 shekels monthly, I could afford a lot of sessions!  I’ve had to increase our food budget in the last month or two by 50% (an additional 1000 shekels) to accommodate the nutritional suggestions of the naturopath, and I’m not sure that increase will be sufficient, so that’s another area that I have to expand on what we’d been spending until now.  I’ve also had extra costs regarding purchasing supplements as well as travel expenses.

Everyone has their own idea of what’s most critical to them, and providing our children with what I feel is necessary care regarding their health is a pretty important value for me.  Even more than a homebirth.  To a degree I’m giving up something important to me, but more than giving up, I feel like I’m giving towards what is most important – taking the best care I can of the children we already have.

Right now my efforts with regard to their health are mostly proactive; I believe there are aliyah related stresses that are just starting to physically manifest themselves healthwise, and that they’ll get worse if I ignore them.  And there’s no way that the traditional doctors at the health clinic will be able to deal with them at the root level, which is where true healing occurs.  (I took one child who was showing symptoms that I was alarmed by – I’m not easily alarmed – and the doctor basically brushed them off.)

I’ve had a very strong feeling all through this pregnancy that this is going to be a really good birth, and I have to keep focusing on that even though what I’d been planning until now looks so different.  I’m focusing on keeping my thoughts in a positive place on this, to trust that all will work out well and the birth will be a good experience all around!

Avivah

11 thoughts on “Birth plans in flux

  1. Did I miss something, you had a child in the hospital for 2 weeks? Refuah Sheleimah! I hope you have an awesome birth, with the end resulting in a healthy mommy and baby! My most recent birth was a planned home birth, but the midwife was stuck at another birth at a birthing center and I had to go there (very unexpected and this was something I had expressed anxiety about through the pregnancy and I was promised there would be a back-up midwife would be at the birth center, blah blah blah) in the end, I had a great Birth and the place didn’t matter as much as I thought it would.

    1. Thanks for sharing your experience, Dina! I’ve been telling myself that birth is more about a state of mind than a location, and what you’re saying is validating that. I’m so glad to hear your birth was so good!

  2. Hi Avivah, I’m a first time poster, but I just wanted to share a little chizuk. I recently had my 2nd baby (B’h) in a jerusalem hospital. I had really wanted a home birth, but for us the cost was prohibitive. I took an AMAZING doula, who worked with me before to prepare myself through davening and realizing (as I’m sure you already do) that Hashem is the true One in charge, and everyone we deal with at this hospital is only a shaliach. I felt that through my davening, every single person I interacted with at the hospital was a positive shaliach, Hashem sent me exactly what I needed. The birth was easy and smooth (b’h!!) and the caregivers were willing to try all my natural-type birthing requests. All of my nurses and midwives were consistently reminding me that Hashem is in charge (even the nonreligious ones!) I just wanted to say that I really think Israel is the only place in the world that this would happen. It was such a beautiful, Jewish environment – I hope you are blessed with a similar experience for your first time giving birth to a sabra! (or maybe you already have a sabra, i’m not so familiar with your blog! either way Bsha Tova!)

  3. Hi Avivah –

    Considering all the expenses you are going through for your kids have you considered looking at changing your kupah? IT may be worth while to look at what the costs would be: For example in Maccabi – to move up to Zehav there is a monthly fee for my husband and I and for the first 3 kids after that the rest of the kids are covered.

    JUst a thought – and wishing you an easy birth 🙂

  4. So maybe it will go fast like the end of your last one, and that way you don’t have to birth in the hospital or pay a midwife, and then you can bring baby to the dr or hospital to be documented? Would that be something you would want to daven for?

    I cannot imagine going to a hospital to birth l’chatchila at all. I suffered from prenatal depression at one point when I thought it was my only option. B”H I managed to have a homebirth at that time.

    Cost of a homebirth is a biggie for me right now considering there are no CNMs (which insurance pays for) that I can use anymore 🙁
    (Not expecting now, but afraid of what will be, as time passes quickly with no progress made in this state for midwives…)

    1. It’s a good question, LN. I’ve really thought about that possibility but the thing is that last time it went very fast after a thirteen hour break from labor, and my midwife had been there for hours. If I had been at a hospital then, I would have left at the point that I called the midwife. And a precipitous labor isn’t a fun labor, way too intense. None of my births have been that fast, and though in general I think it’s a good policy to get to the hospital as late as you can (with my first two I got there at 8 cm), at this point I would be worried about leaving the house too late because giving birth in a car doesn’t sound fun. And it’s also harder to navigate the beauracracy when you’re at that stage of labor.

      I was lucky that with my eighth when money was an issue, my midwife told me to pay what I could. I was embarrassed to tell her I could only afford $600, and even that was paid off monthly for a year, but she was fine with it and told me she discounted her price for lots of her clients. But I already had a relationship with her, and she had offered, I didn’t ask. I can’t ask a midwife I’ve only met twice to dramatically cut her fee down, and then to be okay with payments over a long period of time. And it’s hard to extend yourself financially and know you’ll have to leave to the hospital within a short time of giving birth anyway.

      Very sad about the MD midwifery changes. 🙁

  5. There are some terrific midwives working in hospitals here. I have many friends with fantastic birth experiences. It’s the luck of the draw, but it’s also the attitude you come in with. However, once the baby is born, nurseries here are often stuck in the 1950’s. If you plan a hospital birth here, that’s really the part to plan for.

    1. Thanks for the comment, Malkie. I’ve thought about the nursery issue – I plan to keep the baby with me (or dh, if the staff absolutely insists on checking him/her in the nursery) at all times. I haven’t yet decided how long to stay at the hospital after the birth. At my last hospital birth, I went home after four hours and thought that was ideal. But dh has expressed that it might be easier in some ways if I stay there longer, so I’m going to assess that once I see what it’s like.

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