I told you that we emotionally closed the door on the possibility of bringing home the baby boy whose file we were shown. I was disappointed but I had closure and closure is good.
Two days after my final talk with the social worker, I was waking up from a mid day nap when I heard the phone. Still lying in bed, I picked up and heard someone on the other line introducing herself – the baby’s mother. At that moment I impressed myself with how fast my mind cleared and simultaneously how completely calm I was. You would have thought someone had called to ask me what time it was.
I didn’t think that it was typical protocol for me to be contacted directly, but then again, I had been told the birth parents wouldn’t know anything about us until we met them in the agency’s office, that we would have complete anonymity until that point. And the next thing I knew, I was told that their social worker gave them details about us for them to check us out. Clearly what was said and what happened in practice weren’t congruent, and though it was completely unexpected, I wasn’t shocked to receive this call.
We spoke for 25 minutes. She told me she had already met two other potential families and they had one other family to meet in Bnei Brak. I asked some details about the baby and her family, she asked about my family. My impression of her was highly positive and I appreciated her obvious love and concern for this baby.
We set a time to meet two days later with both of our husbands.
A short time later, our social worker called to tell me that the family was still considering us. Previously we had all assumed that they weren’t interested and that’s why they hadn’t been in touch.
If she expected me to be surprised, then I disappointed her! I told her the mother had called me directly a short time before. The social worker was definitely taken aback. She wanted to know about our conversation, and I told her it was very pleasant and planned to meet.
Understandably, she wasn’t happy with this idea, and told me it wasn’t allowed for the two sets of parents to meet without social workers supervising. I told her that the parents had met other families privately; the social worker explained that different agencies have different policies and the other families weren’t with her agency. Finally she said she’ll speak to her supervisor and get back to me about what to do.
She called me back a short time later, and said that they never allow this, it’s completely outside of their protocol. But in light of the fact that there’s a baby who needs a placement waiting, they’re authorizing me to meet with the mother privately. If we both agree that we’d like to move forward, all four parents will still need to meet in their offices with the social workers present to observe our interactions.
I feel quite grounded about all of this. We’ll see how the appointment with the parents go. If we get along, then we’ll move along to meet with the parents and then the doctor and meet the baby. If we don’t see eye to eye on expectations, then we’ll agree to not move forward with this placement. Of course I’ll keep you posted!