Dd23 at her engagement party with dd21

Having two brides in the family at the same time

It’s been busy with our two upcoming weddings to prepare for and I’m sorry I haven’t been able to share more here, especially with so much going on!

As we’re just hours away from the last Shabbos spent together before our oldest daughter’s wedding, I thought I’d share about a comment/question that I’ve been constantly hearing:

What is it like to have two daughters engaged and getting married around the same time?

The short answer? Amazing. Wonderful. Unbelievable blessing coming through the spiritual and emotional pipelines.

But I realized that with this question being raised so often, maybe that’s not really saying enough.

My daughters have also gotten comments about how hard it must be. One of them shared with me a question she was asked: “Isn’t it hard being engaged at the same time as your sister? Don’t you compare who has more and who gets more, whose chassan (fiance’) is better, etc?”

When my daughter shared this with me, I was taken aback. I thought this revealed a lot about the questioner, but after sharing this comment with many others who agree it’s a legitimate concern, apparently what was unusual was my surprise about the sentiment expressed rather than the concern raised.

Here’s our experience.

Each of my daughters is marrying a wonderful guy, each who is perfect for her. Each young man is very different, with different strengths and abilities. What in the world is there to compare? Who is happier? Who got a bigger diamond? Whose fiance is more thoughtful?

That would be ridiculous. Comparison is the last thing any of us are thinking about, especially our daughters. I think it’s amazing it is that our daughters can share this special stage of life with each other as they go through similar experiences, and they’ve said the same thing. For our family, it’s only heightened our happiness for them to be engaged at the same time. They’ve always been good friends and now this is brings an added dimension to their relationship.

Dd23 at her engagement party with dd21

A friend told me yesterday, “Only you could have that attitude.”

What in the world????? Did I get pushed up onto a pedestal because I recognize and welcome the abundance of having so much positive energy in our home at one time???

I can’t deny that there’s a lot of time and energy that is necessary. Planning a wedding is a lot of work, and doing it times two so close together is a LOT of work. That’s no contradiction to it being a wonderful experience! In fact, most of the things in life that bring us the most happiness are the things we’ve invested the most in.

For us, the experience of having two daughters getting engaged two weeks apart, and soon to be married twelve days apart, has been about seeing how perfect Divine timing is.

We humans can find a way to ruin anything good – no matter how good! – by finding something to complain about! I was very conscious from the beginning of the first engagement that my focus would be on my gratitude. It was important to me to be conscious of that since I knew it could very easy to get into overwhelm or complaining about how much there was to do, if that’s the direction I chose to go in.

Yes, it’s a choice.

The thoughts we think are a choice. What we focus on is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Gratitude is a choice. It’s not all about what is sent to us in this world, but the attitude we choose to take when various life circumstances come our way.

Fortunately for us, in this case enjoying this period and enjoying our two brides has been an easy choice for us all!

Avivah

12 thoughts on “Having two brides in the family at the same time

  1. My sister and i were engaged at the same time and got married 4 weeks apart and i enjoyed it. It made us closer and i cant see any negatives.

    1. I also think it has added to their closeness – well, it’s not what I think, it’s what they say! :) Definitely a matter of outlook, hmm?

  2. Beautifully written! One of my daughters , the youngest of the two just got engaged. The older is so happy for her, and yet a few people have made insensitive comments to her as well like”wow – how terrible it must be for you that your younger sister is getting married first” !! People not only need lesson in appreciation, hakarat ha tov, and gratitude for what they have but also they apparently need to be reminded to leave the insensitive comments to themselves!! Mazal tov to us all and keep the simchas coming!

    1. Yes, people say that kind of thing all the time. It’s probably meant to be sensitive but it makes the assumption that the older sibling is unhappy about it, which is really not fair.

      And mazel tov, Yehudis – I’m so happy about your good news!

  3. Great to hear from you! I knew you must be so busy but I was hoping we’d hear an update! I absolutely love this post!
    Sending a huge mazal tov and best wishes for only continued bracha in your home!
    Can’t wait to see wedding pictures!!!

    1. Every day I think about updating because there is so much going on! But between regular life, sessions with clients and of course, the wedding preps, my wanting to write hasn’t had the time to materialize! Still hoping to get another post in before the wedding; we’ll see if it happens!

  4. Avivah –
    You have always been my role model for appreciating the good in life. It is one of the lessons I have tried to learn with my whole heart. You have a beautiful outlook and it is a wonderful Bracha.

  5. Mazal tov!!! Times 2!! Your daughters have obviously internalized your outlook on life. This is a beautiful post about a beautiful time in your life. May you continue to have much nachas!!

  6. i can understand how demeaning it can be for others to assume one person would be jealous or comparing with another. but i think another different feeling that can come up is that to be the bride can mean to be the ‘star of the show’ and center of attention. even without comparing to what someone else has, a girl might not always enjoy sharing the spotlight. alternatively, how wonderful to have someone going through the same thing at the same time!

    1. I agree with you about this, rbs! This has been something I’ve been conscious of as a mother, trying to give each what she needs so that neither feels this period was compromised for her and she didn’t get the focus that she would have liked.

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