First of all, the exciting news is in – Yirmi has officially been accepted to gan safa!
“Do you mind sharing a little bit more about how and why you decided to put Yirmi into the school system and not to homeschool him at this point?”
When it comes to homeschooling, there’s what I want to do and then there’s what I actually do. If the two lined up, Yirmi would continue homeschooling.
There are two things that currently concern me: 1) acquisition of Hebrew language and 2) acquisition of friends.
I live in RBS, the largest English speaking community in Israel. It has some wonderful unique features that make living here a pleasure; the flip side is that as a homeschooler Hebrew is something I need to work to expose my kids to, and I’m not finding this easy to do. The most effective way to learn Hebrew is by being in a Hebrew speaking environment and having Hebrew speaking peers. I’m not providing that.
Secondly, though Yirmi enjoys playing with his brothers and their friends who come over on most days, he doesn’t regularly play with friends his age. This isn’t because there is a lack of kids around or because he doesn’t play appropriately (he does), but because I don’t get him out in the afternoons. I’m not regularly setting up the playdates that mothers have invited him to, I’m not getting out to the park – while I’m not beating myself up for this, I’m being honest about my limitations because our kids need us to be honest about what we can really do, and to find alternatives if we can’t do it.
After years of being the mom who took her kids everywhere, who took her kids to the friends they were invited to (since most mothers would rather invite kids over than go out), who after moving to Israel took her kids to the park daily for years… I’m tired. And while I’d like to have more energy to take him out daily, I don’t.
“Can you share why you prefer gan safa to special ed?”
While gan safa is officially part of the special ed framework, in my area it is filled with typical kids who have language challenges of some sort. (It’s not coincidental that our sizeable English speaking population has a high number of kids in gan safa – in other areas I’ve been told that gan safa is filled with kids with significantly more learning challenges.) Kids who are cognitively more limited are put into a different gan system (gan ‘pigur’); kids with autism are put into yet a different system (gan tikshoret).
I’d like Yirmi to participate in an inclusive environment as much as possible. With the law that just passed here in Israel, I don’t know if it will be realistic anymore once he gets into grade school. It will unquestionably be much, much more difficult than it has been for kids with special needs until now, and it hasn’t been a walk in the park for any of them even with favorable laws to work with. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But at least for now, he can benefit from a mainstream environment.
I’ve been asked why I don’t want to put him into the typical gan classroom. Going into school will be a huge transition. When taking into account not yet speaking Hebrew and having expressive language delays, it would be overwhelming for Yirmi to be in a class of 35 kids. I think all kids benefit from being in a smaller class environment, and gan safa is usually a class of about 12 kids with three teachers. Honestly, I think all kids would do best in an environment as supportive as this, but certainly it sounds like the best fit for him at this time, when taking into account the various options.
I don’t have any information on the specifics of the gan yet, but hopefully this will be a wonderful new experience for Yirmi!
It’s a busy 3 week period for our family – a new grandchild, my oldest son’s first anniversary, my son turning 16, our 26th anniversary, today Yirmi turned 6 and in two days my oldest will turn 25!
I started the morning by getting the super good news that Yirmi was accepted to gan safa (kindergarten with a language focus). (I mentioned a month ago that I had a lot of conflict about this decision and have gone back and forth for months about if I really want to put him into the school system. I decided that if he was accepted, it would be beneficial for him.) It’s been a couple of months since I met with the committee; I called several weeks ago to verify his placement and was told he probably would be placed in gan safa. But, she added, call again in a week to confirm.
So I tried to call again. And again. And again. This office is notoriously difficult to get hold of. Yesterday someone answered and told me to call the secretary of the person in charge of placements. I called her repeatedly. It went to voicemail every time.
So this morning when the head of the health clinic asked what was happening and offered to call using the personal cell number of the person I was trying to reach, I was happy to accede to her offer! And very delighted when I got the good news that he has been accepted and things are in place for him academically for the coming year.
Why, I wondered to myself, was I so worried? ‘You see, Avivah,’ I said to myself, ‘everything doesn’t have to be so hard. You were worried for nothing.’
Several hours later I got a call from someone from the office of special education in the city who after spitting out her name rapid fire, wanted to know where my children attend school. When I told her they were homeschooled, she asked about our religious affiliation. I told her I wanted to know her reasons for asking before sharing any of that information. She refused and after I refused again, she told me it’s about Yirmi’s kindergarten (gan) placement.
I knew it.
Call me paranoid, but telling them my religious affiliation was a trap that I wasn’t falling for. Here’s why. If I tell them that we’re charedi, they’ll tell me no charedi gan safa will take children with Down syndrome. If I tell them that we’re dati leumi, they’ll tell me they’re full and don’t have room, or that the dati leumi schools won’t accept him since we’re charedi (they already tried this tact in our face to face discussion).
So I told her we’re in the middle and either choice would be fine for us, that what matters most to me is that he’s in a framework that appropriately meets his needs. She really wasn’t happy with my answer.
She asked for the name of the school that my high schooler attends, the better to pin a religious label on us. I couldn’t help but laugh at the perplexed silence following my answer, because it’s a middle of the road school and it didn’t help her put us in the box. “Oh, so you really are in the middle”, she responded slowly.
So much for my happiness and relief of the morning to know his school placement had been finalized. No, she said very definitively, Yirmi absolutely hasn’t been placed in gan safa and no one was authorized to tell anyone about his placement and don’t you know all the classes are full already? And lest you think I can’t hear between the lines, it means too full for a child with T21. Their lack of space really isn’t a compelling argument to me, since I gave in my application very early (ie before most other parents). While this year there are honestly a larger than usual number of applicants to gan safa, ‘lack of space’ simply means they’re giving the spaces to kids they view as highest priority.
It would be really nice to feel that those in charge of making these educational decisions care about my child. I don’t have that confidence. After all, they’ve never seen him. (Knowing that putting him in an inclusive school environment means that I’ll be spending the next 13 or so years of my life fighting for his basic educational needs to be met has been a huge part of my conflict about putting Yirmi into the school system versus continuing to homeschool him. Maybe, I’ve wondered, I should save my energy to spend on educating him myself and we’ll all come out ahead?) I suspect their decisions are mostly about funding.
I don’t like to use my energy in a negative way and I’d really prefer not to expend so much energy in advocacy, but it’s all about being the squeaky wheel if you’re a parent of a child with special needs – unless you want to put him in the special ed framework. And things just got a lot harder today, when a law passed in Israel that removes additional funding for a child with special needs who is in an inclusive educational framework; they will now get the same funding as any other student.
(Here’s how that works and why it is so damaging – a child can be successfully included when he receives extra supports to be successful in the mainstream classroom. Take away the extra supports and he will fall behind and will then have to be placed in a special ed setting. Where his school will then receive full funding for him.)
On a more positive note, today we were offered a slot for a new speech therapist to work with Yirmi. (The first therapist didn’t feel she was making progress with him and that he’d do better with a therapist who had more experience working with children with T21. He was then put on the waiting list for the more experienced therapist.) When I say we were offered a slot, that sounds rather magical, doesn’t it? What it actually means is that I repeatedly approached them and told them it wasn’t acceptable for an extended period to go by while we waited for his name to reach the top of the priority list again.) I did again this morning when the director was there, and she pushed him to the top of the list right then. The squeaky wheel gets greased.
On another lovely note, we celebrated Yirmi’s sixth birthday with a barbeque dinner with family and friends. (After closely observing ds9’s birthday party, he was very clear about what he wanted! He requested a specific menu and went in person to invite a couple of neighbors to attend.)
He’s growing up so much. There have been concerns over the years that have disappeared, and others that I still have that I need to remind myself to take a long term view on and not get uptight about. And even more than that, not to blame myself for not having done more (because that’s the road I go down…) – like that he’s not reading yet because I wasn’t consistent enough. (The irony is that the two brothers ahead of him are both very late readers and I never had this guilt with them!)
I often marvel at Yirmi’s depth of sensitivity to the feelings of others and love seeing his full-hearted acceptance and love of those who are in his life. He loves learning and is always ready to go on an outing or have a new experience. He’s a great kid and continues to enrich our family!
When Yirmi was born and we were told his Trisomy 21 diagnosis, my mind was flooded with thoughts. It was in the first couple of hours that I thought about a study I had read about regarding Weston Price who did a palate expansion with a teen who had Down syndrome. This teen was very cognitively limited, and the expansion created dramatic changes for him.
How could something that seems so minor make such a big difference? Since the center third of the face of those with T21 doesn’t grow properly, it compresses all the major head glands. This specifically can prevent the proper functioning of the pituitary gland and all its hormones, which has many, many consequences.
Yirmi was also born with a very high and narrow palate. I addressed my concerns about this holistically from the time he was four months old, taking him for weekly cranial sacral adjustments and requesting work specifically on his face and inside his mouth. I stopped those appointments about the time he was three, around the time we moved to RBS, since I didn’t find someone I was comfortable continuing treatment with.
For almost six years, from that first night I was sitting in the waiting room processing our surprise birth diagnosis, I’ve been thinking about palate expansion. But I’ve delayed a visit with an orthodontist because frankly, not only is it a significant expense, it’s very tiring to have to advocate and explain all the time. I learned of one orthotropist in Tel Aviv and considered making an appointment with him, but decided to try my luck with local orthodontists first.
For several weeks, my to-do list included calling to schedule a consultation. Every single day, for weeks. And every day, I’d push it off. I finally made the call a few weeks ago and the night before our consultation, I emailed a list of links to studies and research that had been done regarding palate expansion and children with T21, with a request for the orthodontist to look at it so we could discuss it when we came in.
I had this funny feeling when I walked in to the office that everyone knew who I was, and not because they read my blog! I was definitely wondering if my email had been discussed among the staff. When I left, one secretary commented to me, “Good job with that email!”
I was impressed with the orthodontist, who told me he had read everything I sent him, and was ready and willing to discuss it all with me. He wanted to ascertain that I understood that not every child is going to experience every single benefit, which I know. I told him my specific hopes for Yirmi having the expansion, and he said that all of those were reasonable.
The good news is he’s agreed that Yirmi is a good candidate for palate expansion, despite his young age. (Palate expansion is usually recommended for a later age, but for the above reasons I feel he’d benefit by having it done as soon as possible). We’ll need to wait a little longer until his molars are a bit bigger, so the device will be able to be anchored to them.
I was reflecting afterwards about how I created tension for myself, just by telling myself how difficult it was going to be to find an orthodontist to agree to work with us. Don’t we all do that, so often? It really couldn’t have been a more pleasant and positive meeting. I hope that when we’re ready to do the molds that everything continues to go well. But for now, the first big step forward in this direction has been taken, and I’m so relieved and grateful!
Today I went to pick up an item from someone I didn’t know, and when I got there, was invited in and given a drink. While in the kitchen I noticed a picture magnet on the fridge of a young woman with Down syndrome. So naturally, I asked who she was.
Turns out it was the sister of the person whose home I was in, and because I was on a timeline I needed to get back home and couldn’t settle in for the long chat I’d have wanted to have. But I did tell her I would love to have that longer conversation sometime, and she told me she’d be happy to, telling me that her sister Tikva Juni was “amazing”, “a powerhouse” and a motivational speaker who has traveled across the US to speak. (You better believe I plan to speak to her parents, too!)
I was fortunate to find one of Tikva’s talks online. It is a powerful description of what it feels like to be different, and how others can make the world a more welcoming and inclusive place for everyone. It’s definitely worth your time!
I’m a day late in posting for World Down Syndrome Day, but I loved this video so much that I just had to share it with you!
This was made by fifty mothers of four year olds with Down syndrome in the UK who were on a Facebook Down syndrome group together. Each one signed the song together with their child while sitting in the front seat of their cars, and a couple of dads edited the clips and put it together.
What’s the message?To me it shows the joy and love in having a child with Down syndrome, and I think the hashtag that accompanies it is powerful in its simplicity – #wouldn’tchangeathing.
I know, Down syndrome is supposed to be a bad thing, right? But that just hasn’t been my experience at all. And I love seeing so many other moms expressing the same thing.
We have just under a month before Tehila’s wedding and then twelve days later Michal will be getting married!
A number of their friends have commented that I must be stressed out planning for two weddings so close together. No, I’m not. 🙂
Having said that, I’ve been conscious about creating space inside myself to keep centered. That means recognizing what is necessary and what isn’t. So even though I technically have time to write here, there’s been a longer lag than usual since I’ve been choosing to leave myself some time that isn’t filled with activity in the evenings.
It’s not just planning for the two weddings but also the time of year that it falls out that adds to the intensity of what needs to be done. Of course there’s the week of sheva brachos celebrations nightly following each wedding – I didn’t know until my son got married that it’s the sheva brachos that really wipe you out!
The second wedding will be the night before Purim; we’ll celebrate Purim, and the next day we’ll go right into the Shabbos sheva brachos we’re hosting. When people hear the specifics of the dates they look at me and ask with great intensity, “But HOW are you going to do that???”
I tell myself (and them) I’ll just keep it simple and it will all get done. That works to keep me from getting stressed about it all.
A couple of days ago, someone said to me, “All the work you’ve done on yourself for years is going to come into play right now.” She’s a life coach – can you tell? 🙂 She’s right, though. Years ago I could have done everything that needed to be done, but not without stressing myself and everyone around me. I wouldn’t even have had the goal that I have now, let alone the internal tools to meet that goal – to enjoy this very special season of life and to be emotionally present and relaxed.
So much to do!
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Here’s an update on some of the non-wedding stuff I’m busy with this week:
Right now we’re working on making different school arrangements for ds15. The new program he was in hasn’t actualized in the manner it was originally described. Good people and good intentions, but different than what we signed him up for and not a match for him.
I’m starting the process of registering Rafael for a specific day care for the coming year – this day care has a special inclusion program and there’s a lot of demand for the very limited spots. I met director yesterday, got the registration form, and toured the facility. In a couple of days the evaluations and letters of recommendation I requested last week from different professionals should be ready.
If you’re wondering why I’m putting Rafael in day care since I’m home with the other kids… there are things I need to do because he’s a foster child. I was initially told he needed to start day care this past September when he was nine months but I pushed for him to be able to stay home with me for another year. My goal is to find the best option for him; I have a good feeling about this particular program and think it will be a good match for us.
Speaking of educational plans for next year, I’m also beginning the application process for Yirmi to attend a gan safa (kindergarten with a language focus) in the coming September. Though it seems incredibly early to be thinking about next year, it’s not! This is exactly when all the applications start to go in for the next school year. This week I’ve been working on getting his paperwork together and hope to open a file for him with the municipality this week. I’ve been told that I’ll need to advocate strongly to get him in to a gan safa since they prefer to place children with T21 in lower functioning frameworks rather than with ‘typical’ children with language delays. But there are enough parents who have already done this that it’s not blazing a new trail to get this accommodation.
It might seem ironic or confusing that I’ve just spent all this time and energy to procure an authorization to homeschool him for the current school year and here I go turning around to get him into the school system for next year! It’s actually because of the positive experience dealing with the bureaucracy that I feel ready to deal with this gan process. Prior to this, I was concerned that if Yirmi was in gan safa (which I think he would LOVE!), I would be refused an authorization to homeschool him the following year. Now I’ve decided to take the advocacy for him one year at a time and not worry about what will happen too far down the road.
Oh – and yes, Rafael is still waking up in the middle of the night! Not loving that very much. 2 am looks much better to me when my head is undisturbed on my pillow. 🙂 Actually, 7 am looks much better to me when my head has been undisturbed from my pillow at 2 am. 🙂 So goes life!
Our little Rafael is growing fast and just celebrated his first birthday!
It’s been ten months since he joined our family. Ds11 told me he doesn’t feel like it’s been that long – on one hand, it feels like he’s always been with us and on the other, time has flown by!
Here’s a picture of Yirmi (then 4.5) and Rafael (2 months) in the first hour after he arrived home.
Yirmi holding Rafael on his first day home
Here they are again, ten months later!
Yirmi (5.5) and Rafael (1)
Rafael is super active, cute and generally a very happy little guy. We appreciate that except at 2 am, when we would rather he sleep. 🙂
One year old – hurray!
Grateful for this little member of our family and we look forward to many more birthdays to come!
It’s been so busy with the engagement and wedding preparations, but I wanted to share with you about the meeting we had at the Ministry of Education.
We got to the Ministry early but were refused admittance since the guard said he didn’t have authorization for us to enter that day; he refused to call the people we told him we were meeting with and told us it was our problem to call them ourselves. Since I had never had direct phone contact with any of those who would be on the committee, I was stumped as to how we were supposed to do that.
He also refused to let us sit on the bench on the opposite side of the checkpoint just two steps away. Finally, ds5, exhausted after traveling two hours to get there, lay down on the floor and put his arms under his face to use as a pillow. Then the guard let me sit with him on the bench. 🙂
I decided the only thing we could do was wait for them to let us know we were late and call in an authorization for us to go in; fortunately it wasn’t much longer before I received a call from the secretary asking if I forgot that we were supposed to meet that day. Just as I answered that call, an experienced guard came in who knew how things were supposed to be done and directed us to where we were supposed to go (the new authorization wasn’t waiting there, either!). Not the most auspicious beginning for an important meeting!
We entered the room where three officials were waiting to meet with us together with all of the children we are homeschooling, and I right away noticed their eyes fall on Yirmi (ds5) and linger there. While they were asking us about ourselves and we were responding, Yirmi went over to one of the officials, tapped her on her arm and asked her for paper to draw. The woman was quite warm and friendly to him, and he returned happily with his paper to his seat while we continued the meeting.
Then they started questioning the kids. Ds11 felt the most pressured; as the oldest sibling present, most of the questions were directed to him. Some of what he was asked: if he wants to homeschool, if he wants to go to school, doesn’t he think it would be better if he could do what his friends are doing, does he think he’s on the same level as his friends….
Ds11 responded that he was happy homeschooling, he wasn’t interested in going to school, his friends in school don’t especially like being there and aren’t learning more than he is. As she kept asking and asking, I could see in his eyes that he couldn’t understand why she kept asking similar questions to those he had already answered. It felt like she was working to elicit a negative response from him.
She asked him what he would do if I let him go to school for one week; he answered but at this point, I decided this line of questioning had gone on far enough. I asked rhetorically, “If a child wants chocolate for breakfast every day, should I give it to him? I’m the parent and I’m the one who will decide what is right for my child educationally.”
She disagreed, and told me that an eleven year old is mature enough to make these decisions for himself. Clearly we have a different perspective. 🙂
They asked each child all about what his academic schedule, extracurricular, friends. When one of the officials pulled out a book in Hebrew and pushed it toward ds11 to test his reading, I saw another son’s face blanch. He is reading in English and Hebrew, but due to dyslexia it’s not yet on the level of what is typical for a child his age. He’s doing amazingly, though, and we all see huge progress on that front! (I shared about the approach I’ve taken and the materials we use for him here.) But understandably he didn’t want to be tested out loud by strangers.
I motioned to him reassuringly and told him aloud that he didn’t have to read if he didn’t want to. I felt it was really important for the security of our children that they knew that I would protect their boundaries. Another son also said he preferred not to. The official was about to put away the book and I told him he didn’t ask Yirmi if he wanted to read! Yirmi loves to read books and of course he enthusiastically agreed! He isn’t reading aloud yet and there’s no rush on our parts; our focus is on input, input, input and not on testing the output (ie testing). We’ve recently started Hebrew with him – because he sees his brothers learning with dh and is constantly requesting to learn with him as well – and we’ve been doing flashcards in English for years. But he looked very cute looking into the book studiously and then beaming up at them.
There was extensive questioning about how I would address Yirmi’s educational needs, and didn’t I know how much benefit the child and the parents get from the special education system? My focus is not on expressing negativity about a different system but on what I feel I can offer in the home environment, and that’s what I shared. I added that I don’t feel I have to know everything and am quite comfortable reaching out for support and help when necessary.
When the meeting was finally over – it was probably about an hour long – as soon as we walked out one of the boys right away asked if they’re ever going to have to do that again. They hated it! And I hated that they had to do it – it’s an intimidating process even for adults and too much pressure for a child. Afterward I found out that legally I could have refused to bring them but I thought that it was mandatory since the school year had already started. (That’s what I was told.)
Dh and I felt the meeting went as well as could be hoped for; they were clearly charmed by Yirmi and him being so natural and comfortable lightened the atmosphere for everyone. Overall I felt comfortable with the officials and so did dh.
The next day dh happened to pass one of the officials who was waiting outside a building he passed, and the official told us they had all been very impressed with us. That was hopeful but nonetheless, I didn’t jump to any conclusions about what the outcome would be – particularly about Yirmi. I’ve been told it’s very difficult to receive approval to homeschool a child with special needs, particularly if those needs are immediately apparent (like with Trisomy 21). And this is where my main concern about this outcome lay.
When the email came, I held my breath while I opened it. There was an individual file for each child, and after opening the first one, went to Yirmi’s. It said the same thing as for all of his brothers.
The results? We received authorization to homeschool each of the following children: ds11, ds10, ds8 and ds5.
Yes, we received the first authorization (as far as I know) in the State of Israel to homeschool a child with Trisomy 21!!!
After the meeting, l- r: me, ds5, dh, ds8 (behind), ds11, ds10
I feel like writing a bunch more exclamation marks and jumping up and down and can’t think about this without tearing up with happiness. We were ready to go to court to appeal if we were denied permission, but I kept picturing a peaceful and pleasant outcome of our meeting with the Ministry of Education officials. My mantra I repeated to myself over and over again was, “It can be easy, it can be easy.”
I have to add here that this was a huge personal victory for me. I had so much anxiety about this process for so long, and once he got to age 5, finally put my concerns to the side and did what needed to be done. My thinking had caused me to feel disempowered and threatened, and I consciously worked to release the fear I felt about dealing with these officials. They’re only people. It’s so easy for fears to grow and grow, unless we recognize them and let them go.
What does this mean for now? The approval is for one year, which means it will need to be renewed for the coming school year. Since home visits are part of the homeschool requirements, we will be seeing one of these officials another two times this year when she comes to visit. One positive outcome of having a social worker regularly come into my home as part of the foster care process is that I’ve become much less sensitive about having officials in my home. I don’t agree with having home visits as part of the homeschooling oversight process and think it’s invasive and inappropriate, but I’m not threatened by it.
We’ll take it one year at a time and trust that things will continue to work out for the best!
Someone shared this wonderful story with me of an adoptive father of 12 children, most of whom have Trisomy 21. What in the world compelled this couple to travel across the world and adopt these abandoned children from various countries?
If I had read this story before I had a child with Trisomy 21 I simply couldn’t have related to it at all. I had no part of me that could understand people who did things like that, and could only assume they were on a completely different elevated plane from myself. I mean, why make your life harder?
Rafael, 9 months
I have a really different perspective now that we have our two treasures with T21. Since we brought Rafael home I know that people sometimes put me on that elevated plane that I used to put others on, but from where I’m standing, it looks completely different. It isn’t about picking up a heavy burden and suffering; the reality is so, so much love and blessing and gratitude and faith for all of our beautiful children.
Here’s the story I’m referring to – take a couple of minutes now to go and read it! A Story of Hope and Love
I can’t even try to guess about seemingly negative things like why the author’s sister suffered as she did, but everyone can clearly see that it led to something very beautiful all these years later – his huge family of children with special needs – as a result of her being in his life.
Ds8 told me a few days ago, “I’m glad that Rafael has Down syndrome. Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be part of our family.” I’ve never articulated it in that way to our children, but he’s right – for us Down syndrome was the positive ‘hook’ that brought Rafael into our family!
Our social worker called tonight to remind me about a request she had made of me at her last visit. The social worker who did the placement for Rafael with our family is moving on to another position after many years doing this work. We were asked to send a picture and note for the placement social worker; they will be making a book from as many children that she placed as possible.
It was late when I remembered about this but luckily dh hadn’t yet gone to sleep for the night. Rafael was just waking up so even though the timing wasn’t ideal since he was drowsy, we managed to get a few quick pics. Rafael (now 8 months old) is such a good sport – it doesn’t matter how tired he is or if he’s just opening his eyes from a nap – if someone he loves is giving him attention, he’s a happy baby!
Deliciousness!!
I haven’t really written much about our little treasure. I don’t know if you could find many babies who get as much love and attention as this cutie – our kids don’t get tired of telling me how much cuter he’s gotten since the day before- and he returns their love in full with his heartfelt smiles and laughter.
Two blog readers sent me the following clip of a couple who adopted a baby girl with Trisomy 21 and have made it their mission to convince parents considering giving up babies with T21 to keep them. I was in touch with the husband both with Baby M last September and with Rafael seven months ago. With Baby M, he was the direct liason with her birth parents; with Rafael, to access some of his connections to help cut through the legal paperwork that Rafael had been caught in.
The clip is in Hebrew, but for those of you who understand this, it’s very moving. I watched it several times and felt choked up each time, especially when the woman describes going to the hospital for this abandoned baby they had heard about who was going to be having major surgery. With no legal standing, nothing but a desire to help this baby who had no one, she told the staff she was the mother, and then as soon as she held the baby told her, “Tamar, Tamar, Mommy is here, and and Mommy promises that she’s never going to leave you. ”
The reality remains that too many babies with Down syndrome are given up every year. Not because the parents aren’t capable of raising them but because of advice or suggestions they are given, the fears they have, the stigmas they may feel…. Accurate information goes a long way in encouraging parents and dispelling the fears that lead to giving babies up.
After Yirmi was born five years ago, I anticipated that I would go to hospitals and speak to parents who had gotten the diagnosis of T21, particularly those who were considering giving up their babies. Despite my willingness and even signing up to be on the roster of parents called in this situation, I was never contacted. Though I’ve spoken to parents of infants and children with T21 and supported them in different ways, reaching out to parents in the hospital obviously wasn’t meant to be my focus. It’s touching to see the passion and commitment of this couple for whom this is their mission.
