Today I’m feeling discouraged.  I love helping other moms work through issues I’ve worked through, because I know how hard it can be.  That’s what I try to do here and on some other boards that I sometimes frequent.  But sometimes it seems really hard to effectively communicate and not be misunderstood. Parenting is such a charged issue that it’s hard to say  anything too non-generic without eliciting defensiveness or negativity from someone.   I’ve experienced this myself, and I’ve seen this dynamic a number of times in various venues with others. 

I’ve never tried to portray myself as perfect, and I’ve never tried to gloss over the challenges of raising kids.  I don’t have perfect kids – there’s no such thing.  Sometimes they misbehave, aren’t respectful, or do the wrong thing.  But having made that disclaimer, all in all they are really great kids. And putting aside false modesty – whenever you see a really nice family, you have to realize that it didn’t happen by default.  (I met a mom with three kids in the library and after noticing the interactions between her kids while I was there, commented favorably to her on her oldest child treated her younger siblings.  She said, ‘Yes, she’s a good kid,” and I told her, “You have to take credit for creating the environment where that developed, because something like that doesn’t happen by itself.”)

Let me be really clear – parenting is hard work.  I realize that some of my suggestions sound simplistic to some people.  I strongly advocate active and involved parenting, keeping your kids close by, and supervising closely.  Is that the answer to everything?  Of course not.  But it’s amazing what a big difference it makes.  When you combine that with actively and regularly building the relationship, it’s very powerful and effective.

Some people think that my suggestions are too hard and unrealistic.   That’s okay.  As the saying goes, ‘Take what you like and leave the rest.”   I can only share my experience and what’s worked for me.  My intent is never to hurt or slight anyone, or to judge anyone who does things differently than I do.  What works for me isn’t necessarily going to be the best approach for everyone.  But I really hope that anyone who’s been reading my blog for a while knows my intent is to share and be helpful.  I’ve finally come to the realization that I can’t keep people from reading into what I say/write intentions that I don’t have, no matter how careful I try to be. 

Please feel free to ask for clarifications if something I say doesn’t make sense, or to disagree (that’s what the ‘comments’ are for). 

Avivah