‘As a homeschooler who is around your kids all the time, when and how do you get a break?    What do you do when your kids are driving you crazy?’

For me this is an issue that has become much less of an issue over the years – maybe partially because I don’t have negative judgement of myself or my kids when some days are harder than others, and partially because we’re used to being around each other and enjoy each other for the most part.  If I see someone is having a hard time (and this includes me), I try to see where it’s coming from, and address the source.  For example, an overtired child will be sent to take a nap, or go to sleep early, and I’ll remind myself that the behavior I’m seeing is because of exhaustion. Sometimes I haven’t been as consistent in the discipline area as I needed to be and I had to tighten up, and sometimes I’ve been too uptight and needed to loosen up.  It just depends on what is going on and addressing the root issue vs. the symptom is what has worked for me. 

Since I now have older kids around, I can physically take a break if I need to, which  obviously won’t be a helpful suggestion for a mom with much younger kids.:)  But I didn’t have this option for years!  I think that a daily rest time can be helpful, and is something I sometimes did when everyone was younger.  They didn’t have to sleep, but they had to be quiet – reading, listening to a cassette, etc – and they had to stay in their room – for the designated amount of time.  I would coordinate this time for when the toddler or baby was taking a nap.  This gave me a chance to have a breather, and this daily recharging kept me going even during the less pleasant days (and we all have them).  

When a mom is feeling positive and relaxed, she transmits that and the kids tend to be lots more enjoyable to be around in that case.  It’s usually when we’re tired, tense, burnt out, or overwhelmed in general that our kids seem to be the most challenging, and I’ve come to realize that it’s not coincidental!  They pick up on our signals.

Also, it was very helpful when I respected my needs as a parent and let my children know what kind of behavior I wanted to see.  When I clarified this and consistently gave this same message, supporting my words with action, things became much more enjoyable as I didn’t feel myself getting tense about lots of annoying things – if it really bugged me, I made it clear the actions were off limits, even if it wouldn’t bother other moms – and for the most part, the kids stopped doing it (after learning that there would be decisive action if they did). 

Here are some starter questions you can ask yourself if you’re feeling burnt out and like you want a break from your child.  Do you expect too much of your child?  Do you expect too much of yourself?  Is this behavior normal for a child his/her age?  Are you dealing with a lot outside of the homeschooling arena that is affecting your energy?  Everyone will have different answers, but clarifying your answers will help you find the the best solution for you.  

Avivah