It’s an important thing to keep the lines of communication wide open with our kids, because as they get older, they’re going to encounter things that are bigger than their life experience to that point has prepared them for.  Knowing there is a loving adult that they can share their concerns with is very, very important.

Today my 9th grade son came home and shared something that he witnessed while in class.  Another student who was sitting close to him, opened up a paperclip  behind his desk.  The boy then ran the sharp end down his arm, repeating this action until he had cut open his arm and the blood was running down his arm.  My son found it particularly eery how the boy started smiling broadly once the blood was flowing.

 My son obviously knew something was unusual, to say the least, about this behavior.  He found it so disturbing that he spoke to me about it as soon as he got home.  He didn’t understand the significance of what he was seeing.  But I did.  (That’s one helpful aspect about reading so much about so many issues – lots of info is sitting there in my brain waiting to be used. :))  Self cutting, or self mutilation, is usually a sign of depression and a tool that kids in a lot of emotional pain use to relieve the overwhelming their pain.  My immediate concern was to find out if there was an involved adult in this child’s life who could help him get the help he needed.

But my son said he lives quite far away, and is dorming locally.  I think I’ve written about this here before, when parents have problems with a child and then think they’re dealing with the problem by shunting the kid off to somewhere out of sight like a boarding school.  But of course the issues are still there, just the parents can tell themselves that they’ve dealt with it. 

So I decided to call their teacher about it, who I know to be a very compassionate person who the kids trust because they know he cares.  I described to him what I heard, and though I purposely didn’t ask the boy’s name, gave him details I felt would be obvious to identify him.  He said he will take care of it from here. 

So this leaves me hopeful that somehow this kid will get some help, but just as much, leaves me thinking once again about how our kids need us.  They don’t stop needing us because their bodies get bigger. 

Avivah