Avivah Werner

Having an easy pregnancy

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Avivah

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>>”Do you have easy pregnancies? I guess you must if you’re on number nine!”<<

I’ve been asked this question several times in the last few days.  Some have asked because they care; others ask because I think they want me to agree that it’s easy to keep having children when you have easy pregnancies. 

So I’d say that, yes, I definitely have good pregnancies.  To which women usually rush to tell me how that must be how I manage, that I’m so lucky, because I’d never be able to manage to continue having kids if I had pregnancies like them!  (Then I get the details about morning sickness, or complications they had at various points.)  But asking if a pregnancy is good or easy are to me two different questions.  To me, every pregnancy is good because it’s what brings my precious children into the world.  Having a good pregnancy is a state of mind and an attitude.  It’s about focusing on what you like and are appreciative for, and minimizing the amount of time you think or talk about the rest.

Having an easy pregnancy is something a little different.  But I’d probably say that they’re not exactly easy, but they’re pretty easy.  If you asked my husband this question, though, he’d be quick to disagree – he’d tell you I have difficult pregnancies.  I tend to downplay or ignore physical discomfort that I experience because that’s just how I am, but he’s one of the few people who knows that pregnancy can sometimes be pretty challenging for me.  He’s the only one who knows just how challenging. And he says that I hide it so well that it’s hard for even him to tell.  I don’t talk about discomfort much (I think focusing on negative things just makes you more aware of them), he just sees how much of an effort some things can be for me.  He said, either during my seventh or eighth pregnancy, that he can’t understand how I’m willing to do this again!  But it’s totally worth it to me.

Honestly, I have a lot of discomfort during pregnancy from intense sciatica and back pain, in addition to some other more minor stuff.  Calling it discomfort is pretty mild – at this point I can’t walk comfortably for more than a few minutes (well, I can’t walk even one minute comfortably, but I can walk a few minutes before I feel like I can’t take another step).   Occasionally I’m in so much pain that I think I can’t handle one more minute, but fortunately that’s not all of the time.  And it’s always by the end of the day, which I think is a blessing (that it gets worse gradually as the day goes on).  That way it gives you a chance to adapt to it, which makes it much easier to ignore.  (And a heating pad is a huge help – that practically speaking often gets me through the night.) 

I feel very grateful that this didn’t really start until I got to six months this time around – for one of my pregnancies, it started at seven weeks!  Whew, that was a tough pregnancy!  So it’s really only three months of discomfort, which is relatively not a lot.  I’m also grateful that it’s not so intense as to make it impossible to keep people from realizing how much pain I’m in – there’s no reason for a person to walk around looking pathetic! 

There’s so much in pregnancy that’s positive, and it’s how I think about pregnancy that makes it seem easy to me – I feel like I’m so lucky to be able to have another child.  It’s an amazing experience, to grow a tiny person inside of you, and if it means some discomfort along the way – well, I’ll take it with a smile!

Avivah

Comments

3 responses to “Having an easy pregnancy”

  1. Dina Avatar
    Dina

    This was an interesting post for me. I have thought to myself that you must have easy pregnacies to have done it as many times as you have had. I only think about this in a positive way for you, though, and I am slightly envious. I, too, would like a large family. I never really thought about a specific number, but a nice size. I am not going to say someone’s pain is worse than another’s because I am not in someone else’s shoes, however, my two pregnancies have been, well, let’s just say, not easy. I had hyperemesis gravidurim which lasts all nine months. I cannot tolerate very much food ( I only gained 14 pounds) and I cannot cook or sometimes even enter my kitchen due to odors, for the majority of the pregnancy. I have felt blessed to have been able to carry and bring into the world my two wonderful children. I don’t know how these issues can be brushed off with a positive attitude about how much they are wanted or what a blessing it is to be pregnant. Not being able to cook, clean, and properly care for my existing children and husband, is not in my opinion, something that you can downplay and truthfully, I do not know how not to look pathetic when I go out, especially, when I have vomitted in the presence of others. I have tried medications and they do not always work and they have side effects. I tried detoxification and homeopathy in preparation for my second pregnancy only to not finding anything that worked.

    I realize that sometines I can be kind of negative and I glean from your writing that you have a much more optimistic bent (at least that is what I gather) so i’d love to hear your take on it because even though I cannot envision being pregnant in the immediate future, I would love to one day expand my family and your positive perspective is something I would value.

    I actually started researching raw milk b/c i heard it is a wonderful remedy for nausea and “morning sickness”.

    On a side note I e-mailed you on your business e-mail and wanted to make sure you got it.

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    1. diane Avatar
      diane

      Dina, I can relate to that. I had the same thing with 3 of my pregnancies. I was hospitalized twice because dehydration and the worst thing is you can not even walk away from yourself. With my other 5 pregnancies i was nauseated, but not nearly as bad. So maybe your next pregnancy is better.Diane

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  2. Avivah Avatar
    Avivah

    The objective reality is that some people have much more difficult pregnancies than others, regardless of attitude or positive thinking. I would never downplay anyone’s challenges, and I do feel fortunate that my pregnancies feel easy to me. I have a friend who has two kids who has the exact same thing as you and she’s shared exactly the same sentiments – she just can’t see how it’s possible to continue having pregnancies when she’s hardly functional for 9 months. I honestly don’t know if my family would be this size if I had to go through a situation like that – it might not have been the right thing for my family. Everyone has to find the balance that works for them.

    My post was really only about me, not a suggestion for others to do something differently or a criticism if they have challenging pregnancies. My point was that was that for me, focusing on what is good keeps me from getting too wrapped up in discomfort. There was a night last week that I was in so much pain that I really had to work hard not to burst into tears, as I was thinking that some things are simply too much to cope with. Thinking like that doesn’t help me feel better, though! So I focused on having a heating pad to lay on to alleviate some of the pain instead. Does it change the objective reality? No. But it changes my perception of reality.

    Got your email and responded!

    Reply

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