>>I started budgeting five years ago when I got on board Dave Ramsey’s program. It changed our lives and resulted in downsizing from 3200 sq. ft. to 1500 sq. ft.. This resulted in saving lots on our utility bills as well and no more gardeners and house cleaners:) One of the higher bills for us is orthodontics and tuition for the yeshiva student/limudei kodesh tutor for the hschooler. These are not really negotiable. I do have a somewhat generous “blow” fund as well for sheitels (cheap ones), slurpees and such.<<

Thank you for sharing your experience, Michelle.  I think people drastically underestimate the power of budgeting and getting their expenses under control to make a huge difference in their finances.  I love how you chose to downsize to a smaller home to make your budget work – housing is the main area in our budget that I very much want to adjust but haven’t yet found a way to do it.  I keep thinking about it, though! 

I hear alot of complaining about expenses, particularly at this time of year.  I don’t begrudge anyone the fun of complaining to a friend and getting some sympathy.  We all enjoy that occasionally.  But it’s the underlying attitude that I’d like to address. 

Too many people claim that most of their expenses are non negotiable (some, like tuition, really aren’t negotiable if you feel your kids need to be in private school), but most expenses have a lot of wiggle room.  Until a person recognizes that they’re making lifestyle choices that affect their spending, they’re going to see themselves as victims.  It’s a lot more prevalent for people to complain about the unrealistic standards of the communities they live in – the material expectations of what kind of simchas/events to host, what kind of vacations to take/clothes to buy, what kind of foods to serve both during the week and for Shabbos/holidays, even the temperature they keep their thermostat set at – than to take personal responsibility and recognize that they are making choices.  

When someone says “I can’t afford it”, “I don’t have time”, etc, they may be accurate.  (Or not. :))  But even if that’s true, it seems to me that one’s energy is better spent by looking at what they can to do change a situation than to bemoan their fate.   I think that asking “How can I make this situation better?” is a much better strategy to living a happy and productive life than saying, “I can’t do anything about it”.   Maybe we will find something we can do to improve our situation if we look hard enough.  (I’ve learned a tremendous amount over the years by being open to those who were successful in the areas I wanted to succeed in.)  It’s certainly a lot more empowering to focus on where our power lies than in where it doesn’t.

Avivah