Actually, I think the title of my post isn’t accurate. Officially (even according to the medically conservative ACOG), you have to be 42 weeks to be considered overdue, and it will be a couple more days until I’m at that point. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’m not overdue and there’s nothing to be worried about! (It’s not irrelevant to mention that the way we estimate due dates is problematic for many women and their cycles, and therefore very often not accurate. See this site for more information on a more accurate way to determine your due date – http://transitionsdoula.com/pregnancy/ddcalc) But it’s amazing how just because we are given an estimated due date that we mentally expect a baby to be born by then and start worrying when it hasn’t!
I explained it to my kids, who are losing hope that this baby will ever be born, like this. When you have an apple tree, there are some apples that ripen early, most of them ripen around the same time, and some ripen after all the others have fallen off. Babies are like that, too. Each one has his own growing pattern. Some start growing later than others, and some grow faster or slower than others. That’s how it is after they’re born, and all of us know that babies have different growth rates. Somehow we forget that it’s the same way before they’re born.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where medical induction is so common that we don’t get to see or hear from many people who have gone past 42 weeks. But it didn’t used to be rare for women to have babies at 43 or even 44 weeks – I even read online about someone who was positive about her dates and gave birth at 46 weeks! Some of those babies were very big, but others were supposedly late and small, with signs of being early. Too many babies have been induced or born by cesarean because the care provider was convinced they needed to be born because of the dates themselves, ultrasound estimates of size, etc, only to find that the baby wasn’t as big, or as late, or as ready to be born as expected. (I was once with a first time mother who was pressured into a cesarean because of her extremely big baby, according to the ultrasound. They told her he was too big to safely be born vaginally. After the cesarean, the supposedly huge baby the baby was 7.5 pounds, covered in lots of vernix and clearly born before he was ready. I heard the nurses talking about what an embarrassment it was that the surgery was done unnecessarily, though they promptly stopped discussing it when they saw me close to the nurses station.)
We get fearful that something is wrong when our experience is even slightly outside of the norm because it’s unfamiliar territory, and because the message in the society around us is that different = wrong. Being past your estimated due date doesn’t mean something has gone wrong, or that something bad is going to happen to you or your baby. It just means that your baby is growing on its own time table.
It’s hard to be constantly asked about if you’ve had the baby yet, every single day for weeks by every person you meet. It’s hard to go to sleep every night wondering if tonight will be the night you’ll go into labor and then wake up the next morning still pregnant. It’s hard to not make plans every night for the next day, because you don’t know if you’ll be able to keep your commitments. What I personally think is the hardest thing, is hearing other people’s concerns and assumptions that something is wrong (“when are you going to be induced?” – and even natural minded friends suggesting natural induction methods) and staying emotionally disconnected from their message of fear/ distrust of the body and birth process but not from them.
For me I have a subtle sense of irony about still being pregnant. I wasn’t mentally prepared for this scenario, since my concern was really about avoiding being early! This is new territory for me, after eight children! But I really believe in the ability of the body to do what it’s created to do in a healthy way. And I strongly feel that Hashem (G-d) is giving me a special opportunity during this unexpected space and it’s up to me to use it well. These last twelve days have been a chance for me to consciously release my ideas and expectations, and be truly open to what He has planned. Last night as I was lying in bed, I was listening to a musical relaxation cd and thinking continuously of the following words almost as mantras: Trust. Accept. Release. These were words I thought of because they represented concepts that resonated with me. To me they meant: Trust – that Hashem is taking care of everything, and it’s all as it’s supposed to be. Accept – what is and not what you think that should be. Release – your fears, concerns, and expectations. These aren’t specific to birth, but to all areas of life.
I also feel this time space helped my kids become more balanced with the idea of a new baby, instead of the hyper excitement we were experiencing before. And though they were strongly favoring a baby of one particular gender before, at this point they’ll be so happy with any baby that I don’t think they’ll be disappointed if it’s not what they were initially hoping for. My husband commented it’s helped him get into a good head space for another baby, whereas a couple of weeks ago things were so busy that he almost didn’t have time to think about it. It’s giving me lots of snuggling time with different kids, to ‘shore up’ the relationship while things are quiet, before life gets busy and I may not be able to do as much of that as I’d like. And today I even cleaned the refrigerator! 🙂
Seriously, I’ve been able to release concerns regarding having this baby that were very subtle, but somewhere there in my subconscious nonetheless. I don’t know what I did to let go of them, but I feel differently inside, and know that they’ve lost their power. (Yes, I know I sound very crunchy and airy fairy, but that’s how I feel.) Most of all, I’ve been using this time to consciously try and connect with G-d. I can’t really accurately express the feeling I have inside of being more settled and grounded, more at peace both emotionally and spiritually.
So that’s why as of now, I have no plans to use even natural induction techniques. I’m not taking homeopathic caullophyllum, castor oil, stimulating pressure points, drinking infusions of raspberry leaf tea, having accupuncture done, or even trying to tell my body to get labor going right now. Just like we’re going to enjoy the surprise of it’s a boy or girl, we’re going to enjoy the surprise of when our baby is born!
Avivah
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