>>your 16 yr old son…. how does he learn gemara and other things 16 yr old yeshiva boys should be learning?<<
He learns them pretty much same way any other boy does; the main difference is his location.
>>is it really in the best interest of a yeshiva age boy to be home all day instead of in yeshiva?<<
Historically, I think the answer is that yes, boys were taught by their fathers or in small groups by a hired teacher for short periods of time each day. Large yeshivas are a fairly new development in the way things have been done for generations.
But regardless of history, I can only determine what’s in the best interest of my child at this time. Every person has to make a well-thought out decision for themselves. There is no perfect solution – the yeshivas have challenges but also there are advantages. Homeschooling has advantages and challenges. That’s why it’s so important to think about this, to make a thorough cost benefit analysis of the situation. Doing that requires a parent to really think about what the true strengths and weaknesses of each situation are. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that following the well-trodden path means that there are no problems and that you’re guaranteed a certain result – you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Having said that, I think what’s far more important than where they learn, is how they learn, why they learn, and what they do with it. I’m interested in my child’s character development and intellectual development, both of which I believe are better served by homeschooling. I’m not impressed by bench warming. I want my children to develop a relationship with H-shem (G-d) and find a Torah life full of meaning and joy, not to be religious robots who do it because everyone else does. The reasons I choose to homeschool are at the root of my approach.
I think that speaking to high school aged boys and girls will be very enlightening for most parents as to what is actually going on in our schools. What the adults think is happening and what the students experience are often two entirely different things. (If you can’t speak to high schoolers, at least speak to their parents. They’ll also have experience to share.) My approach isn’t to slam the schools but rather to focus on the positives of my experience, so I won’t detail things that concern me about school.
I’ll generalize and say that good middos aren’t generally developed by throwing together a bunch of immature pubescent boys for many hours a day with minimal adult guidance. The hours are very long, and it’s a small percentage of boys who are really shteiging all day long. A disproportionate number of kids are burnt out and going through the motions. And mainly what’s necessary to get by in school is to look the part, act the part – not to be the part.
These issues are recognized by educators as growing in severity all the time, and they’re searching for answers. So far the answers I’ve seen seem to have a common theme – try to make the school environment more home like (ie, more warmth, personal attention, discussion about issues of concern). The yeshivas will do whatever they think is best, and so will I. I have a responsibility to my children to focus my energy to actively raise them as I think H-shem wants me to. And for us that means homeschooling.
Avivah
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