Well, today marks the end of one stage of life and the beginning of another.  We now have just six children living at home.

I woke up early this morning in order to walk with dd17 to the bus stop, where she caught the bus to Jerusalem.  Her seminary begins tomorrow, and she wanted to go in today in order to buy her uniform and to get settled at the place she’ll be living/working.  I haven’t been able to even think about her leaving without getting teary-eyed, so I’ve coped with this by trying to avoid thinking about it.  But you can’t avoid reality forever.

So she left and yes, I cried when I walked her there and I keep getting a big lump in my throat and getting choked up every time I think of her not living at home now.  To have four of the older kids out of the house is a really, really big deal.  That creates a different home dynamic, which I think will be good for dd12 and ds11 in particular, as it gives them the chance to move from being the middle children to being the oldest in the house.  But it’s a transition that will take some time as they move from the more passive roles of a child who knows their older siblings will do what needs to be done (the work and the fun) into the active roles of becoming the older siblings.

That’s the positive of it.  But honestly it’s hard.  You spend years raising children and as they get older, they get so amazing and such a joy to have around.  They develop a maturity in thinking and processing, and you understand one another in a more mature way.  They start to notice things around the house that need to be done and pitch in without having jobs detailed for them, wanting to help out and noticing how much their parents do.  They become strong role models for younger siblings.   I’ve been incredibly blessed with children who are quite honestly amazing people whose company I truly enjoy.

Though I very much miss dd18, I’ve mostly gotten used to her not being home.  I’ve been used to ds20 being gone for quite some time already.  But right now, I haven’t made the mental adjustment to having ds14 and dd17 gone, and the house feels different without them here.  It’s been two weeks since ds14 went to his dormitory (he’s been home twice already) but in the late afternoons, I still keep expecting ds14 to walk in the door.  Tonight I made a nice dinner (usually our main meal is lunch and dinner is very simple) and thought to myself, “Dd17 and ds14 will really appreciate this” and then a moment later I remembered that they won’t be home for dinner.  Especially with my husband having recently been gone for four months, these two children really stepped up to run things with me in his absence, and our relationships became even stronger as a result.

I’m feeling a strong sense of loss at the same time that I’m happy that they’re moving on with their lives and doing what they need to be doing now.  But never let it be said that this is easy.

Avivah