Yesterday was Mother’s Day and if I hadn’t popped onto Facebook, I would have been oblivious to the date. I mentioned it to my husband, and my younger boys heard me and asked what that meant.
I told them it’s a day that people try to be nicer to their mother than usual.
How did our family celebrate?
We didn’t.
None of my children made me cards or special meals, bought me flowers, took me out or shared any special wishes for the day. No one posted pictures on social media with comments to the world at large about how they have the best mother in the world.
I guess I could feel like I was missing out. That my children don’t really value my efforts. That they don’t care about me.
But I didn’t feel that way.
What I value more than once a year celebrations or declarations of love are the ongoing interactions I have with my children. Sometimes I get the bonus of mature children sharing their appreciation for how they were raised.
Ds21 recently told me that because I always believed in him growing up, it helped him to believe in himself. Do you know how I agonized over this child? As my oldest and first to be homeschooled, I used to lay awake at nights wondering if I was harming him irreparably by choosing an non-mainstream educational option. I didn’t harm him – far from it. He’s a thoughtful, intelligent, caring young man who I feel proud and grateful to have as my son. But he didn’t call me for Mother’s Day.
My younger kids make me pictures and create things for me on a regular basis. They make me smile and laugh, they ask me to play with them, they hold my hand when we take walks, and they thank me for little things – like letting them play an educational computer game, making them a meal they like or taking them on an outing.
My older kids end every phone conversation by telling me they love me.
They all do things just because they want to make me happy, even when it means more work and less fun for them. They’ve cleaned, painted, renovated, babysat, cooked – without asking for payment or allowances. They voluntarily bring food and drinks to me in my room when I’m tired or sick. Daily they do tasks they don’t want to do because I ask them to do it.
Every day.
Not one of them mentioned Mother’s Day.
And I didn’t miss it a bit.
Avivah
My father used to say: “In Judism, every day is mother’s day”.
Good for you and your kids! It’s the everyday routine of life that shows the real appreication of a child to his mom, which your kids are so naturally good at.
I used to feel as you do. I thought Mothets Day was sort of sad, not to mention commercial. After all, according to halacha, the concept of honoring our parents means that every day is Mothers Day! But then my elderly mother died. And my kids are now married and parents themselves. They are in frequent contact , some on a daily basis. But you know what? Since my mother passed away, it’s somehow different. And it really meant a lot to me when they wished me Happy Mothers Day. And it didnt feel fake or commercialized. Because I couldnt wish the same to my own mother. And i really felt that.
I can really hear how the death of your mother changed your perspective, Galia. That’s very poignant.
I hope I didn’t give the impression that I’m against Mother’s Day – I actually think it’s sweet. I think it’s beautiful when people show their appreciation to their parents.
Since I grew up in a country where it was celebrated and am now raising children in a country where it isn’t a concept, this affects my perception and expectations.