The latest around here is that we’re looking for a school for my 12 year old son for this year. Yes, I know the school year has already started. No, it’s not fun trying to find a place for a student this age!

Someone who knows my son told me, “I think any school would be lucky to get E. as a student, he’s such a special boy.” Yes, he would be an asset to whatever class he joins but he would have to be accepted to be an asset.  And that is the challenge we’re facing right now.

The school I was interested in has a very full class. They also have a principal who is a wonderful person and who when meeting my husband, told him, “I think homeschooling is the worst possible educational choice.” Ahem. Oh, yes, and would you now like to accept our homeschooled child to your school?

We’re being told that our son isn’t academically on par with the class in gemara (Talmud) and the gap is so huge that it would be a hopeless endeavor for him to catch up. This was based on a casual conversation in which the seventh grade teacher asked him about what he’s currently learning. It’s true that there’s a gap – he hasn’t yet started gemara and these boys started a year ago.

My husband sat in on a class and is convinced it’s quite doable for ds to catch up. Since he learns with him regularly and not only knows his abilities but also has no desire to put our son in a learning environment that would be overly pressured and demanding for him, I trust his assessment.

Though initially the seventh grade teacher said he would be willing to take ds12 if the principal agreed, the principal now says that the teacher says it would be too complicated to take him.

Too complicated to take a very bright, motivated boy with a strong desire to learn, no behavior or academic issues to remediate and parents who have committed to supporting him in catching up? I don’t think they’re making excuses (at least I hope they’re not making excuses because I don’t like to be cynical). I’m sure they believe that a one year gap is just too much to bridge.

I don’t think it’s too much.  And it’s not because I’m a pushy mother, because I’m not. I just think it’s a realistic challenge that he can meet.

When we moved to Israel my then twelve and a half year old son was in a similar situation, but he had the additional challenge of not speaking Hebrew nor reading as fast as a native Hebrew speakers did. (He had the advantage of there only being one Talmud Torah school option so the school couldn’t easily refuse to admit him since where else would he have gone?) He spent the first year figuring out what was being said, he spent the next year – eighth grade – understanding the language as well as the content and excelling academically.

A homeschooling mom said something to me that is very true and relevant – that they don’t have any idea what a motivated homeschooler is capable of.

Someone else said something very true and relevant – in Israel the schools often won’t tell you an outright ‘no’ – instead they stonewall you until you give up.

In any case, we’ve decided not to put all of our eggs in one basket. Though I really did feel this school was a good fit for us for a number of reasons, I have much more peace of mind when I allow G-d’s plan for me to unfold rather than pushing to get my plan implemented.  We’ve taken enough action on this front that if it’s meant to be, it will.

So we’ve started looking into other options.

One nice thing about these initial inquiries is that I may have found a school that could be a good choice for ds9 and ds11 for next year. That school isn’t an option for ds12 but knowing there’s an option like this for them it takes some pressure off of us to find a school for ds12 that would be a good fit for them all. (The three of them are very different learners.)

I’ve been asked how I determine when to send a child to school. Well, for ds12 it’s a matter of him being extremely ready for the challenges and opportunities that school will provide, particularly with advanced Torah learning and I think he will thrive with some added academic challenge and stimulation.

For the other two, I think they’ll also be very ready next year. But as much as them being ready…. I’m ready.

I’ve been homeschooling for a long, long time. For most of that time, I’ve really enjoyed it. (Let’s be honest, it’s not always a picnic!)

But now, something is shifting in me. It’s not a feeling of burnout. It’s deeper and different than that. It’s a feeling of moving towards completion in this area.

I’ve always said that I wasn’t committed to homeschooling forever, but that every year we look at what is best for each child, and that continues to be true. I’m not rushing to end this homeschooling stage of life, but simply sharing what has been an increasingly strong feeling over the past months.

I’ll keep you posted on our current school search!

Avivah