A modern day twist to the philosophical tree falling in the forest question: if your daughter has a baby in the digital era and you don’t have a picture, did it really happen??? 🙂

Yes, she did, yes I was there and very, very involved – and no pictures of any of it.

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Did you know that many years ago, I was a childbirth educator and doula? I stopped a little before my 18 year old was born, since the childcare arrangements for my own children made it impractical for me to continue attending births.

This was the first birth I’ve been at since then (other than my own, obviously!), and it was incredibly meaningful. There’s no comparison between any other birth I’ve attended and being with my own daughter.

My daughter-in-law told me she thinks it’s different if your daughter or daughter-in-law give birth and she’s right to a degree, but I think the biggest factor is if you’re present at the birth or not. It’s a huge bonding factor.

While I was willing to attend my daughter’s birth, I didn’t make any presumptions that I’d be asked to be there. Labor and birth is a very intimate and personal time, and it’s an act of trust and relationship to be invited into that space.

When she asked me to be with her, we talked about what she’d like my role at the birth to be. I told her I assumed she’d mostly want to be left alone to relax and be with her husband, which she agreed with.

That’s not what ended up happening. Things picked up very quickly and by the time I got to her house, she was ready to leave for the hospital.

A labor that progresses quickly sounds great, until you take into account the body has to do all the necessary preparations for the birth in a very short and intense period of time rather than being spread out. Quick labors are generally very challenging labors.

As a result of how quickly this labor progressed, I was very physically involved right away, and quickly was reminded of the incredible physical effort it takes to provide effective birth support.

I’ve never been as symbiotically involved in any birth I’ve attended as this one. I was aware in a way that I’ve never been before, how critical the level and quality of support is in determining how the laboring woman experiences and deals with her labor.

I’m not going to detail her birth because that’s her story. I’ll share my part – to move beyond feeling worried if I was doing enough, doing it the right way, or concerned about making a suggestion that wouldn’t be on target, and to have a complete focus on being present for her as fully as I could.

As the baby was born, she caught the baby and brought her up to her chest. At that moment, I couldn’t help but get teary eyed. That was when the fruit of all her intense effort was so tangible.

It was a beautiful, beautiful birth. (I wasn’t the only one who felt that – the head midwife afterwards thanked her for the privilege of being there.)

I loved that there was no rush to check if it was a boy or girl, and that she was the first one to look and to share that information.

It’s a girl! Yes, we have another granddaughter!! Re-balancing the heavily male dominated  Werner clan. 🙂

There was some unexpected challenges after the birth and the baby spent the first five days in the NICU. All is now well, and they are finally home together.

I’ve been blogging here for over twelve years, and many of you have walked alongside my parenting journey through the years. There are challenges, there are twists and turns, there are hard times and fun times. As a parent, there’s so much work and investment, day in and day out.

And I’m telling you, it’s worth every single bit of effort. It just gets better and better. Really.

Avivah