The last couple of weeks have been extremely busy and left me with little time or energy to share with you here.
Some of you have asked for feedback after my last post about how d6.5’s first visit with his birth parents went.
Before the meeting, my husband told me his intention is to restore the dynamic of trust and communication we had with them at the very beginning. We jointly agreed to adopt this attitude, and both of us communicated with them in this spirit.
It took a lot of courage and emotional energy to have this meeting, but I’m glad we did. The meeting went very well – it couldn’t have gone any better. Of course ds was very cute and engaging because that’s how he always is, and they seemed to enjoy seeing him.
At one point, ds said to his birth mother, “When I was a tiny, tiny baby I was in your tummy.” He was waiting for confirmation and when I glanced at her I saw she didn’t understand what he said, so I repeated what he said. She looked a little misty eyed at that, but nodded at him.
I told our social worker when they initially said they would come for a visit but didn’t update her when we made more concrete plans because: 1) I was emotionally drained thinking about it and didn’t want to discuss it, and 2) I wasn’t sure they would show up. She was shocked when I confirmed they had actually come.
Since his bio parents until now hadn’t shown an interest in being actively involved, the committee recently decided they want to push for us to be allowed to adopt him. Since this decision was predicated on their uninvolvement, my social worker expressed concerned that beginning visitation will affect the negatively impact the adoption discussion. When I made plans for them to meet him I knew this could happen but nonetheless felt a person deserves to know his roots and it would be selfish of me to deny him that if I had any way to impact them being part of his life.
I’m so glad we did it. Buried in the back corner of my mind has been the concern about how and when to broach this topic, and now it’s openly on the table and we can talk about them freely with him.
We asked them if it would be okay to take a couple of pictures of ds with them, so we can print them out and add them to his personal album of his birth and early months. They agreed, and I sent them the pictures as well. They sent me a pleasant email thanking me for the pictures and said they had enjoyed the visit.
Will they come again? I didn’t ask them, but did tell them we would welcome regular visits of whatever frequency they are comfortable with. They bought ds some treats and when he said something about them buying him more ‘tomorrow’, I told him they weren’t going to be there the next day. His bio father hastened to add, ‘next time’. So hopefully now that the ice has been broken, more visits will follow.
Thank you all for the good thoughts and prayers on our behalf. I’m sure they were a positive force for us all!
Avivah
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