With the war on, it’s created a lot of uncertainty and changes in the day to day routines of most people. Uncertainty is a very difficult mental state to experience, for adults and children.
The first day that the war began and it was announced school was cancelled for the day, I assumed that our kids would be home for the summer. I didn’t want to be waiting every day for an update, wondering if and when they’d go back to school. The determination was made immediately and then no mental energy was spent on wondering about it.
My initial focus at this time was to create a feeling of stability for our family. That meant creating a predictable framework that could allow everyone to mentally relax.
My routine isn’t rigid and blocked into time slots; it doesn’t need to be. For us, it’s creating a regular flow for the day:
- wake up
- get dressed
- organize the safe room (particularly important since most family members are sleeping in this room)
- breakfast (sometime between 7 – 8 am)
- davening
- learning activities – this includes reading together, playing games
- snack
- swimming – the kids go in and out through the day
- lunch (around 1 pm)
- quiet time – this is one hour that they need to stay in bed quietly but don’t have to nap
- afternoon activities – similar to the morning, with a snack mid afternoon
- dinner (we start between 6 – 6:30 pm)
- bedtime
This gives us flexibility at the same time there’s predictability.
Predictability around food is also an important part of a schedule. While I prefer to plan meals a week in advance, right now I’m planning just a couple of days ahead, and sometimes even the night before. That’s still enough to have time to prep foods that need advance planning, to not feel the pressure at 5 pm of wondering what to make for dinner, and to have a ready answer first thing in the day when asked what we’ll be eating that day.
I also plan for twice daily snacks. Since the twins still feel food insecurity and tend to ask for food all day long when at home (even right after finishing a meal), being able to tell them what snacks we’ll be having and when we’ll be having them is calming.
I’m also trying to create some predictability for myself in my early morning so that I have a slice of time to meet my own needs. What worked when the kids were in school doesn’t work with everyone home, so my routine is now: wake up early, go outside immediately to soak in the early morning sun, daven/pray, feed the chickens, water the plants, and if there’s any time left before the kids wake up, sit and enjoy the sounds of nature.
I do all of this (except davening) while grounding, also called earthing. Grounding is just connecting your body with the earth. Generally this is most easily done barefoot while sitting/standing/walking on the ground. I’m not a barefoot person at all; I get fully dressed the minute I wake up and always have, so this is a conscious shift for me. This is a simple action that has physical and mental benefits, one of which is modulating the autonomic nervous system – but honestly, it just feels good.
If you’re feeling like things are out of control and stressful, try creating some structure in your day. Structure doesn’t create enjoyment or fun; you determine the kind of activities that you’ll do within the framework you create, so be sure to plan things that give you pleasure.
There are many things outside of us that we can’t do anything about, but creating a routine puts your focus on something positive you can change that will create a more calm environment in your home.
Avivah
PS – I’m going to add this note to the next few messages until readers get used to the new format here. In this format, you can’t see any comments from the main page. To comment and/or read the comments, you’ll need to click on the post and then scroll all the way down.
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