Last week I saw dried dates on sale for 11 shekels a kilo, which is a great price. I bought 20 kilos with the intention to can them, since they are then easily blended and used as a sweetener for desserts.
However, my daughter gave birth this week and I was away for a few days, so the cases of dates were still waiting for me when I got back. When I looked this morning at what felt like a mountain of dates that needed to be pitted, checked for infestation, and then canned – and in a few days it will be Rosh Hashana and there’s already so many other things to do – I wondered why I had to create extra work for myself.
Then I began working on them while chatting with my husband before he started work, and I got through half of a 5 kg box. It would be easy to say, “I just spent so much time and I’ve only done 1/8 of the dates – how am I ever going to finish them all?”
But that’s not what I thought. As I packed the liter jars full and prepared them for canning, I genuinely appreciated all that I had done.
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I’ve been doing a deeper level of decluttering in the last few months, as I go through things in my home and ask myself, “Does this have value to me right now?”
Moving things that I’m not using out of my home has been very positive. My house is getting easier and easier to clean, and I can maintain it with much less effort. And it makes me more relaxed and accomplished.
Every little bit I’ve done has been so gratifying and as I celebrate it, it encourages me to do more.
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I’ve really been grappling with my phone use. I’ve felt shame that I scroll as much as I do, that I don’t control myself and use my time better. Coming to understand just how intentionally human emotion and addiction psychology has been studied with the intent to create addiction has lessened that shame somewhat, as I realize my struggle is shared by most people.
But I still have great frustration over the effort to minimize my screen use.
For those who are wondering about our family technology stance: our children don’t use internet, though occasionally when I need to go out or do something when my husband is working, he’ll let the younger kids (ages 8, 8, 8) sit next to him in his home office and watch something like Mister Rogers. We don’t have Ipads and they don’t play computer games.
When we drive places, they listen to music on the car speakers and look out the window or look at books.
Of our three teenage boys (16, 18 and 19), the two who are living in dorms have chosen not to have any kind of phone at all. The youngest has regular daily learning sessions on the phone, so he has a simple ‘dumb’ phone that he uses at home but doesn’t take with him during the day. He does take it with him when he travels.
Sounds great, right? I’m very glad my children are growing up in the real world, with real people, real experiences, and plenty of outdoor time. It’s really important to me.
The challenge is for me and my husband, and I always think of us as the weak links in our home technology use. (My husband got rid of his smartphone a couple of years ago, but works online.)
I got off of Facebook five years ago, even though it meant closing my business page and that was significant. The only social media platform I use is YouTube. While I don’t ever actively contribute or engage on YouTube, and the content I watch/listen to is overall positive, it is driven by an algorithm that targets exactly what interests each person, and that is what keeps me looking longer than I intend to.
I’ve tried putting boundaries around my phone use: don’t look at it until after a certain time of day, be conscious of keeping it in a room where I’m not at. I took our family picture off of the screensaver months ago so it would be visually unstimulating. A couple of months ago I began calling a phone line for Torah classes to listen to higher quality content that doesn’t arrive through the internet, to partially replace the podcasts I listened to on YouTube.
But I still feel frustrated with not being able to completely subdue the phone issue. It’s something that always has to be managed. I slide away from my good intentions, and then have to restart again.
Sometimes I am weary of feeling unsuccessful about my efforts in this area.
This morning, at my request, my husband loaded a black screen onto my phone to use as wallpaper, so there’s not only not a family picture, but there’s no appealing color or design on my screen. This is recommended as a step to minimizing phone usage, and I was glad to have it done.
At that moment, I thought, ‘Why am I not appreciating all the things I’ve done in this area, and keep focusing on what isn’t yet the way I want? This is a good step!”
I have 17.5 kilos of dates waiting to be checked and processed, and that may have to wait for another week to finish, but I didn’t focus on that – I felt accomplished with the dates I did.
I’m not finished decluttering every single corner of my home, but I’ve mentally cheered for single thing I moved out of the house. Cumulatively all of these things have led to a bigger impact felt by everyone in the home.
For today, I’m reminding myself that positive change only happens by appreciating the small steps, and continuing to make steps in the direction you want to go. I want to minimize digital clutter in my life (I’m wishful about eliminating it completely), but that’s an ongoing process.
I don’t love the struggle, but everything I’ve done to improve the situation has been constructive. When I appreciate those efforts, I can let myself be where I am right now, without criticizing myself for not yet being at the finish line.
Once again, I’m reminded of the saying, “By the inch it’s a cinch; by the mile it’s a trial.” I seem to have to continually remind myself to pause, look at what I’ve done, and say ‘good job, me!”
I’m going to hold on to this thought as I’m thinking about the things I want to improve in as the Jewish New Year approaches.
Can you relate? How do you manage your thoughts/feelings/actions around the things you wish you were doing differently?
Avivah
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