The marathon of the holiday season is winding down!
In addition to all of the holiday preparations, we’ve celebrated two birthdays (my eighteen year old son and twenty five year old daughter).
We were also asked by our shul to host a simchas beis hashoeiva (Sukkos celebration) for the community. Usually the rabbi of the community hosts this the first night of chol hamoed, but this year they wanted to have an additional one. We had over one hundred people the second night of chol hamoed. My older boys did an amazing job setting up an area that was comfortable for all of the men, women and children attending. I handled preparing refreshments, and they did everything else to make it run smoothly and everyone had a great time.
Five years ago we noticed that in our shul on Simchas Torah, there were minimal refreshments (soda, pretzels, cake). It’s a long day in shul (coming home around 3 pm) and I thought it would be helpful to have something more substantial for people to eat to hold them over. Our shul just celebrated its 90th anniversary, and it’s not easy to introduce something new to a place that has done things a certain way for a long time.
It took quite a bit of convincing but they agreed that I could make soup for the community. Every year we buy all the ingredients and paper goods, prepare it, bring our own hotplates to set it up in shul, and then serve it the next day. I chose mushroom barley soup since it’s thick and substantial. For four years now I’ve made 32 liters of soup, which get polished off. (Interestingly, each year since I began making the soup, the shul has increased the quantity of food they serve; this year there was enough served that I wondered if I should still make the soup in the future. Since so many people told us how much they enjoyed it, I’ll continue.)
Two days after the holidays ended, we had a visit from our social worker, her supervisor, and the head of the foster care agency. They did a brief house tour, and wanted to hear about the difficulties with ds8 (and dd8 as well, though it’s easier for me to deal with her), and talk about what would happen if we ended their placement. I stressed to them that we aren’t interested in disrupting the placement and we want to make it work, but we do want them to understand the difficulties we’re experiencing.
They asked me what they can do to support us, and I told them the most helpful thing would be if we had a respite option. They said they’ll look into possibilities (our social worker has checked this already and not turned anything up but maybe something new will come up), and were very happy when I told them my husband and I are going away for Shabbos sans children.
You can’t give and give and give without taking time to fill yourself up. It’s been a good and also intense holiday season with a lot of hosting and cooking and having children home all the time. I’m super grateful to my teen boys, who insisted that we go away and they will take care of the children for Shabbos.
We don’t want to spend a lot of time in the car traveling somewhere so we’ll be staying in a hotel in Tiberias. Our priority is to have a quiet space without children around, time to unwind from the internal tensions and rushing.
It’s critical to water what you want to grow. Relationships need regular positive inputs and nurturing, and even the best marriage can stagnate without ongoing time and effort to improve your relationship. Even though we spend time together when we’re at home, getting away is entirely different and allows uninterrupted focus on one another.
I appreciate taking this time to recharge as a couple. If I didn’t take this time, it would be so easy to be in the busyness trap, going from one thing to another and another, without taking adequate time to pause.
When I get back I’ll right away need to shop and prepare for ds13’s school bar mitzva ceremony/celebration on Monday. It was delayed until now and the good thing about that is since it’s still during the yeshiva vacation, the older boys will be able to attend, which will make it much more enjoyable and meaningful for ds13.
I’d like to encourage you to think about recharging yourself after a busy season in your life. It feels like a luxury and an extra but it’s NOT. It’s critical to recharge yourself and if you’re married, your marriage.
Avivah
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