This morning I listened to a podcast about finances in the US Orthodox Jewish world, and how untenable living expenses have become for the middle class.
Shortly into the podcast I paused to talk to my husband, and said, “People have to learn to live with what they can actually afford.” That’s actually the answer to this complicated issue. I’ve heard people go around and around about possible solutions, but this is the answer that no one wants to hear.
This is true wherever you live: in every country, in every community, in every culture.
No matter what everyone around you has, no matter how much you want to look like everyone else , no matter how much something has become a social norm – either you can afford it or you can’t.
If you can’t afford it, you have to be honest with yourself and look for options.
I’m not writing this as a wealthy person looking down at everyone with less than me who doesn’t understand what things cost, but as a person who raised a very large Orthodox family in the United States on a single modest income, and made those choices. After moving with our nine children to Israel, we continued to have to make those choices.
I read and listen to a lot of what people are talking about regarding finances, and what constantly strikes me is that people need to learn to live with what they have.
Learning to live within your means asking yourself hard questions and making hard choices based on those answers.
Here are some of the big expenses mentioned in the podcast:
You can’t afford tuition? Homeschool. Move to a different community with affordable tuition.
You can’t afford summer camp? Don’t send. Entertain your own children, encourage your pre-teen and teen children to earn their own money.
You can’t afford a lavish bar mitzva/wedding? Make a simple event.
You can’t afford to send your daughter to seminary in Israel? Don’t.
You can’t afford to support your married children? Don’t.
Either make more money, or admit to yourself you can’t do it – and then find choices that are doable for you.
I know, it sounds simplistic. Obviously life happens and everything can’t be planned; unexpected necessary expenses can happen to the best organized and most frugal. But living within your means is actually a simple concept. What’s not simple is when you have a budget but don’t live within your financial resources (for whatever reason, no judgement about that).
These are all choices and they’re our choices to make. When things are seen as a given in a community, we forget that we’re making a choice every time we go along with some standard.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You do have to be willing to live with the choices of not doing those things. Sometimes that’s not easy.
We have a tendency to overinflate the discomfort of being different from those around you. Humans are social creatures and we feel safe when we fit in. You have to be willing to be different and that may feel unbearable for some.
When we lived in Ramat Beit Shemesh, we were the only family in our apartment building without a car. It wasn’t my business how everyone else financed their vehicle, or what they thought of our financial capacity because we didn’t have one. It didn’t matter that it would have made my life easier. We didn’t have a budget for a car, period. So we used public transportation; we got where we needed to go and we lived without going into debt.
Is it easy to make choices to live within your means? Sometimes it’s not. But it’s usually not unbearable deprivation, either. This is how people have lived for most of the time that humanity has existed. They didn’t spend money they didn’t have, because they couldn’t.
Life would become so much simpler and less stressful if we returned to this way of thinking.
I want to encourage people to really think about their expenses, to empower you. Not to shame you for spending money you don’t have. I want you to know you probably have more choices available to you than you think. It might not seem like it at first glance – and sometimes there really is no wiggle room no matter what – but usually there are adjustments you can make to take pressure off of yourself.
Avivah
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