After receiving this thoughtful and detailed comment, I’ve decided to respond in a post of its own.
>>Life is expensive. What you were able to do raising your children thirty years ago may not be possible for your children to do today. the cost of living has skyrocketed everywhere, and so many families are scrambling to keep up, no matter where they live. <<
Yes, costs have gone up quite a lot, and while my bills are paid, I feel worried for how many families are managing.
To be clear, while I began raising my children over thirty years ago, what I write about is how I’ve raised my children throughout the years and continue to raise them to this day. Being intentional about spending has been important for me throughout the years, and is a timeless practice that will benefit others just as it continues to benefit me.
Thirty years ago, people were also scrambling to keep up. It was in 1990 that Amy Dacyzyn (author of the Tightwad Gazette book series) decided to begin a newsletter for frugal people to combat the idea that was popularly touted in the media that it was impossible to live on one salary.
When I was chose to stop working to stay home with our children, it wasn’t the typical choice. When I didn’t carry any debt or overdraft even though we lived on a simple income, that was different from most people around me. As our family grew and our income didn’t stretch as far as we wanted it to, friends with similar family size and similar incomes went into debt and have stayed there for over twenty five years. We looked for ways to meet our needs within our financial means, and though we’ve gone through some tough times, we never went into debt.
I saw a video clip about frugal families from the early 1970s and the young parents interviewed were talking about how much it easier it was for their parents to buy a home and how much the cost of everything had gone up. It was interesting to hear the exact same words coming out of their mouths that are coming out of our mouths right now! And yet, these were young Boomers speaking, whom are widely pointed to as the luckiest generation financially.
The historical reality is that whatever we have right now seems very expensive compared to twenty years ago. My grandchildren in twenty years will be talking about how lucky their parents were to have the low expenses they do right now.
>>Moving to a cheaper location often comes with lower salary, which offsets the gain. (Not even talking about people who are stuck in their expensive locations for medical or other reasons.) <<
I’m not saying that everyone – or anyone – can and should move. I’m pointing out that there are options. Are they good options for everyone? Obviously not.
Often when moving somewhere less expensive, you’ll come out ahead even if you’re making less money. A less costly area generally reduces material standards and community pressure, which also reduces the amount of money you need to live comfortably according to community standards.
I moved to an area that is less financially prosperous than where I previously lived, and its been so beneficial for our family to live in a much less materialistic community. We feel no pressures of financial expectations and comparisons from others, and I love it.
When we considered moving to the north, my husband and I discussed the job issue. He thought out of the box and asked his employer if they would consider him coming in to the office just two days a week, and to work from home the remaining days. (This was before covid, when working from home wasn’t the norm.) He made a good case for his position, they appreciated the quality of his work, and they agreed. Since then he’s moved to a different company and when he was hired, the terms he articulated were to come in to the office just one day a week.
When you work from a possibility mindset and are willing to think out of the box, it’s amazing what you can come up with.
>>And homeschooling is not an option for everyone, although I agree that it should be more of a consideration.<<
I’m the first to agree that homeschooling isn’t for everyone. My point is that while educating one’s child is a need, there’s flexibility in where and how that education happens. When people begin to realize this, it can get their mental gears to brainstorm possibilities. This is my position about every expense: we have to separate between what is a need and what is a want, and find solutions so that our needs are met.
>>Not sure why you say that people have historically lived within their means. <<
I say this because the first modern credit card came out in 1950. Prior to that, if someone needed something, they needed to have money to buy it. Yes, if someone didn’t have money for food, they had to borrow it or do without. There was a lot of shame about needing to borrow money. As a result, there wasn’t a widespread tolerance for borrowing for things that weren’t absolutely needed.
Now that it’s easy and socially acceptable to have debt, it’s creates a pressure that wasn’t previously there – it has shifted the societal perception about what are necessities, and we feel like we should have some of the things that were previously looked at as luxuries since we can put them on credit cards.
>>The difference is that not very long ago, living within one’s means meant children going to bed hungry on a daily basis, people dying for lack of medical care, and children left to fend for themselves for hours while their parents worked. And all this and more was socially acceptable. Today, we would rather go into debt (read: credit cards) than face any of these scenarios.<<
In 2025 in Israel, 1/3 of families spent more than they earn. In the US in 2025,39% of the 179 million people carrying a credit card balance from month to month have said they’ve lost sleep thinking about it, and almost half of the 179 million believe they’ll never be able to pay their balance off. That’s a lot of spending and a lot of stress. While medical costs and food certainly comprise some of the expenses, I’m extremely skeptical that’s what most of the credit card debt is from.
A huge amount of debt comes from things that aren’t objectively necessities but the person making the purchase thinks they should have them. You can argue about each expense and who gets to decide what a luxury is, but the fact is that a lot of people are walking around with a lot of debt.
While there have always been people who have struggled to make ends meet and experienced deprivation, I’d like to suggest that living within one’s means as a societal norm meant that there was less stress and increased security for many.
>>So on the one hand, I agree with you, Avivah. People need to take a long, hard look at their spending habits, their goals, and their society, and at least try to live within their means. But I do think that along with all the planning must come a hefty dose of humility and prayer.<<
I one thousand percent agree with this. We are responsible to make our best effort, and the results are in G-d’s hands. There’s no room for arrogance if you are blessed in an area, as even when you’ve made your best efforts, it’s G-d who has blessed you with success.
May we all be blessed to have our needs taken care of in a respectful way.
Avivah
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