The winter holidays have been commercialized so much that for many, the focus is on gifts and any deeper meanings are buried.
So what is it really supposed to be about?
Take the time before a holiday begins to think, ‘What do I want this to be about for me and my family?’
For us, we keep our holidays low key and family focused – our priority is on spending quality time with one another and honoring the meaning behind each holiday.
For a few weeks before Chanuka, we begin playing holiday music throughout the day, every day. We hang Chanuka themed pictures up on the front door. (I do this for all of the major holidays.)
Some years we’ve done more in the way of decorations – when my oldest daughter was living at home, she always did a great job with this and until the box the decorations were in was damaged by water, we continued hanging up her creations every year. It gives a nice feeling of holiday anticipation for everyone.
At this point, all of our children are old enough to light their own menorahs. Next year, everyone will light outside with my husband and the older boys, but this year, the three youngest children lit inside. We had two rounds of singing the blessings and prayers together (one for the group outside, one for the group inside) after the lighting.
Each of the eight nights, menorah lighting was followed with dancing together while singing more Chanuka songs.
We make some special Chanuka foods over the week but not every single day. The three youngest boys had Chanuka activities in their school camp and that included Chanuka themed refreshments, and I didn’t want to overdo it by making more of them at home. At home with me, dd8 enjoyed her special time without any siblings around.
We spent one afternoon preparing foods to take to take to our family Chanuka party in Jerusalem. The next day was the party itself. In attendance were all of our children, their spouses, granchildren, and my mother. It wasn’t an easy trip there and back, (we got home at 3 am) but it was worth it.
One day I took the three youngest children to Tiberias buy a bike for ds9’s birthday (it was a week before Chanuka), and we participated in a Chanuka event in the area (bouncy houses, crafts, music and face painting). This kids enjoyed it, and while it would be possible to take them to Chanuka events more frequently, I find that less is more. A couple of hours at this one event was just the right amount of time for us all.
Another day was spent travelling to get our new dog and bring her home.
On the last night, my teens boys expressed a desire to have an activity night together with my husband and me after the younger kids were in bed. The younger kids are a very strong presence, and it was really nice to do things without them around.
The five of us spent three hours piecing together a 500 piece puzzle and making doughnuts (filled with homemade vanilla pudding and topped with chocolate glaze).
What about gifts? It’s so easy for presents to become a focus and an expectation – and a pressure. As I said above, less is more, and each parent has to see what the right balance is. To counter the ‘give me, give me, what did you get me?’ that children can develop when habituated to receiving lots of gifts, I’ve chosen to downplay gift giving at this stage.
As a result, despite having purchased a number of family games in the three weeks prior to Chanuka, I decided not to give them on Chanuka but to spread them out over coming weeks. (If the boys hadn’t been in camp, we would have had time to play them together each day as was my original intent. )
The only gifts we gave were fleecy winter pajamas for the youngest children on the first night. It was cute how excited they got about them simply because they were presented as a gift.
It doesn’t take a lot of money or even a lot of time to create a warm atmosphere that your family looks forward to in years to come, and looks back on fondly. It does take some effort to clarify for yourself what you want your holiday to look like, and then take the actions that support your goal.
Avivah
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