I have so many details I’m constantly dealing with that I don’t have headspace for extra things nagging at me to take care of them. Thinking about all I need to do gets stressful when I feel my to-do list is backing up.
My approach has always been, get whatever I can get done today, today, because tomorrow isn’t going to have less to do. That’s served me really well on staying on top of things.
Going a step beyond doing today’s task today, is planning for the future. This is huge in creating mental breathing space.
It doesn’t just make the future more relaxing, but it creates a feeling of calm in the moment as the item is cleared from my mental ruminations about what I need to do. It creates more calm down the road as I don’t need to deal with it at the last moment, and it even saves me money.
There are things I can’t anticipate and plan for, things that come up suddenly and urgently need to be dealt with (eg my mom’s mini stroke last week). When I think ahead and take care of things now, it gives me more time in the future that isn’t yet spoken for.
Here are some recent and current examples:
- The week before Tu B’shvat (New Year for trees), I bought a large selection of dried fruits. When a note came from one child’s class letting me know I needed to send in a particular item for the class party the next day, I didn’t have to make a special trip to the store for something I didn’t have on hand. Not only did I have what I needed, I was able to prepare a dried fruit platter to send in.
- Later that same day I bought the dried fruit, I had an hour long break between what I had finished doing in RBS and meeting with someone else, before I could go back home. I used the time to go to a Beit Shemesh clothing gemach and found they had a huge assortment of Purim costumes already out. You know most people aren’t thinking about Purim five weeks in advance, right? Thanks to the large selection, I was able to easily find matching costumes for all of the men/boys in my family. (My son was there today and told me that there’s almost nothing left.) It was so nice to have it done, and very affordably, too. I saved myself the last minute pressure of trying to get everything together during the busy week before Purim, and I also saved myself five weeks of thinking about what I was going to do. Not only did it make me more relaxed, but all of the kids know what their costumes are, they’ve tried them on and are excited about them, and it makes them calmer and more relaxed about Purim as well.
- For mishloach manos for teachers and staff at the special ed schools three of our boys attend, usually the parents organize joint class gifts. Usually there’s pressure the week before to get the money to the organizers (right now there’s a lot of online discussion about it. Knowing that I’d be seeing the mothers in person at the mother’s evening out and sometimes the discussion about a joint gift begins at this time, I took extra cash with me so I could pay for it on the spot. Now for those children it’s off my head.
- Last week I bought whatever I needed for the other teachers mishloach manos, so again, I don’t have to think about it anymore.
- I realized that my thirteen year old is going to have a lot of school bar mitzvas in the upcoming year. When there is a ceremony in school, each boy is expected to wear a white shirt (not a big deal) and bring a gift. I’ve been caught unprepared the last three times, as I received a notice just a couple of days in advance, and I pulled out games I had put aside to give as gifts for our children. My son was glad he could go to school with a gift in hand, but they weren’t as , but one wasn’t as age appropriate as I would have liked. Last week I bought ten gifts and last night, when I got a message that today was a bar mitzva, I was able to easily pull it out, wrap it and hand it to my son to take with him.
- I just finished a six week dog training course. I wanted to do it before things got busy with Purim and Pesach. Now it’s done and we’re all benefiting from what I learned and am implementing.
I know, no one wants to hear the word Pesach right now, so just skip this if that will cause you anxiety. For me, thinking about it in advance and making a plan for success is necessary.
I had a very good but very hard Pesach last year (see: Recovering from Pesach and what didn’t work for me), and I’ve thought a lot about how to make it easier this year. Here’s my post where I included all of your tips from last year, Hosting Tips to Minimize Stress and Resentment. As the mother of a very large family, hosting is a huge part of my holiday. Last year I did too much in too short a time, so this year I’d like to turn over the kitchen and be completely ready for Pesach earlier than I’ve done in past years so that I can give myself some breathing space on the holiday itself.
Not only will we once again be hosting a lot of people and turning over earlier but my eighteen year old son has strongly requested that we do a family camping trip. At first I felt like it’s too much, but I do agree that it’s an important thing to encourage and build family culture and togetherness. So I’ve thought a lot about how to fit it in.
I’ve put it into my planner, and we’ll come back a week before Pesach. Obviously, we’ll need to have Pesach preparations well under way before then, and I’ve told the teen boys to be ready for a couple of intense days of cleaning as soon as they get back home for vacation.
One project that we intended to begin last year- closing in our upstairs porch – was put on hold last year. I showed you how the boys took apart and removed the metal pergola. The intention was to close in the entire forty meter area (for which we’ve been paying full property tax for all the years we’re here, as if it’s already a closed in-room), in order to have more sleeping space for visiting family. My husband felt we had too much going on at the time, with the complete kitchen remodel, that the extra space is unnecessary, and put the kibosh on the porch renovation.
Having had some time to reflect, he’s come to agree that the extra space for guests will be very useful, and would like to do this project during the coming Pesach vacation. I’m concerned it’s going to be very tight timing-wise, to do this in the week before Pesach. Though I usually oversee the renovation projects, this time my husband will be the project manager. If they’re focused and all materials are purchased and ready, it will be doable to get the walls up and windows in, and create a usable area for grandchildren to sleep in during Pesach.
- I purchased suit vouchers from Mishnat Yosef this week, which helps to stagger Pesach expenses across a couple of months so there’s not a huge chunk of money to spend all in a very short period of time. I’ll be asking my sons and husband to choose their suits and hats in the next three weeks so they don’t leave it to the vacation period to take care of that.
- I’m set with Pesach clothing for the four youngest children. For the youngest three, I was able to get them kitted out at a store that was closing their branch a couple of months ago, so every item was only five shekels each, which was fun. (The same items were full price at all of the other branches.) I’ll need to get the boys shoes but otherwise I think I’m good to go.
Can you see how getting this done in advance will make it easier as we get closer to Purim and Pesach? What kind of things do you do to keep things relaxed around the busy holiday season?
Avivah