Avivah Werner

Author: Avivah

  • Weekly menu plan

    I haven’t posted my menu plans for the last couple of weeks – I got out of the rhythm because of Pesach, but I’ll try to get back to it.

    Sunday – brunch – french toast; dinner – baked acorn squash stuffed with brown rice pilaf, marinated tomato salad, pepper salad.  Ds15 and ds10 have baseball games on Sunday afternoons, so we have a late brunch and then dinner as soon as they come home to accomodate their schedule so they can eat with us. (Plus several kids end up going to watch their brothers, so hardly anyone would be home to eat if I served lunch, anyway!)

    Monday – breakfast – cranberry scones (I’m thinking of serving this with sour cream and blueberries or cherries that we canned last summer); lunch – stuffed baked potatoes (stuffings: beans, shredded cheese, vegetables); dinner – corn chowder

    Tuesday – b – hashbrown bake; l – omelettes; d – honey baked lentils, millet

    Wednesday – b – Amish oatmeal; l – colcannon (cabbage, potatoes, milk); d – sloppy joes over whole grain bread

    Thursday – b – Dutch puffs; l – rice and cheese burritoes; d – CORN (clean out refrigerator night)

    Remember when you read the menus that fruit and milk are included for breakfasts, and salads/vegetables are included for lunch and dinners.   A couple of weeks ago I prepared a bunch of fermented vegetable relishes – 4 quarts of ginger carrots and 2 quarts of tomato pepper relish – which we serve in small amounts at meals.  If you don’t already know about fermented veggies, they’re great for the digestion.  I also add some of the leftovers from one meal for the lunch and dinner following to whatever is planned.  This keeps me from having a fridge full of leftovers at the end of the week and also adds more variety to the meal than is written above.

    Today my food prep for the week will include soaking all beans and lentils for the week, so they’ll have time to sprout before I cook them.  Sprouting maximizes the nutritional value of legumes and makes them more digestible.  I also want to shred a bunch of potatoes for the hashbrown bake – if I try to do something like that in the morning, breakfast would be served at lunch time!  I’m also thinking of shredding other potatoes and putting them in the freezer, to make my own instant hashbrowns – you know, the way you can buy shredded frozen potatoes at the store.  That would be convenient, don’t you think?  Most of the breakfast prep takes place the night before – that consists mainly of overnight soaking of flour for baked goods, and if the next morning a baked dish is planned, combining everything in the pan so in the morning all someone has to do is turn on the oven and put it in.

    Avivah

  • Getting things done…

    A couple of weeks ago my dd14 told me that she needs more shirts, and finally yesterday I took her and my dd12 out to remedy that.  While I was out, I also picked up some things for the boys ages 10 and down, and some neutral newborn clothes (suprisingly, I just realized a few days ago I have hardly anything- I lent one person all my newborn girls’ clothes 20 months ago, but she said she can’t remember which are mine and was planning to sell everything at a yard sale, and I lent someone else all my newborn boy clothes, and she returned all the bottoms but none of the tops) but my focus was on dd12 and dd14.  It was nice to be able to get them things they’re happy with – neither of them are picky, but both have their own sense of what they like so I no longer like buying things without them being there.  And since exactly a week ago ds15 and ds14 decided that they’d like to go to sleep away camp again this summer, it gives me peace of mind to know that most necessary camp shopping is taken care of for dd.  Even though dd will be going at the end of June, I won’t have to rush around between now and then with a newborn, getting things done with her.  Amazingly, though they made their decision on Friday morning, I was so glad I was able to have all the camp paperwork completed and in the mail by Monday afternoon – including completed medical forms, which necessitated visits to the doctor first thing Monday. I prefer to get things done right away than to let them hang over my head. 

    Today my ds15 went to speak to a prosthetist to learn more about what is involved in it as a possible profession.  He spent about an hour with him, asking questions and being shown the lab, equipment, etc.  I think I’m going to encourage my ds15 to do more of this – to actively seek out people and find out first hand what’s involved in training for a career, salaries, advancement opportunities, etc.  The next person I want him to speak with is an accountant.  I’d like to get him started this coming school year working towards his career path as far as college credits, so he needs to get some idea of what he wants to do to focus his energy appropriately.

    Then I took my ds10 to a friend to spend Shabbos, and headed on to do some shopping.  The first fresh corn of the season is now out, and we love having it raw for Shabbos lunch – it’s yummy and refreshing.  While I was there, I found whole turkeys for 1.99 a pound, so I bought a few.  If we have a boy, we’ll have enough to serve for the seuda!  And if we have a girl, we’ll have turkey for Shabbos all month long. 🙂  It’s funny to have found them today – this supermarket advertised them at this price before Pesach, but both times I went the shipment hadn’t arrived.  I think the shipment and people’s Pesach needs must not have coincided, and that’s why they have so much still at the sale price – it’s not being advertised, though.  (At Superfresh, for those of you in my area who want to take advantage of the good price. :))

    I also did some preparatory shopping for after birth while I was there – buying foods that are good for simplified meals.  Basically today that meant cottage cheese, plain yogurt, brown rice (we were almost out of it), and some corn tortillas.  I forgot to mention this when I wrote about preparing for the postpartum period – you can and should stock up on easy to serve foods, even if it means spending a little more than usual on food that month (though I hope to stay within my usual parameters).  I usually buy yogurt and cottage cheese, but wouldn’t normally pay the prices I paid today.   I couldn’t find much else that I would want to buy – I looked at the premade pizza shells for about 2 seconds but the price is so outrageous that I just can’t justify it.  Especially since it only takes a few minutes to mix up some pizza dough. 

    I was outside when a neighbor came home from work, and she told me she and another neighbor were sure I must have had the baby and were keeping it quiet.  They thought that because neither of them realized I was pregnant until six weeks ago, and one of them had been to our house for a Shabbos meal just a couple of weeks before that.  (And today the neighbor who lives closest to me, whose little boys play with mine a few times a week, was there when the other neighbor asked my dd if we had a baby yet, and said, shocked, “You mean she’s pregnant?!?”  She just hasn’t seen me close up enough or it would have been obvious.)   I reassured her that I wasn’t trying to keep being pregnant a secret, and that my kids will be spreading the word as fast as they can once there’s news to share, so she doesn’t have to worry about it flying under the radar.  Actually, I think I’ll buy a balloon to put on my front steps that says ‘it’s a __’ so that anyone who goes by will know.  🙂 

    I hope everyone has a wonderful Shabbos!

    Avivah

  • Overdue and not worried

    Actually, I think the title of my post isn’t accurate.  Officially (even according to the medically conservative ACOG), you have to be 42 weeks to be considered overdue, and it will be a couple more days until I’m at that point.  Maybe it would be more accurate to say I’m not overdue and there’s nothing to be worried about!  (It’s not irrelevant to mention that the way we estimate due dates is problematic for many women and their cycles, and therefore very often not accurate.  See this site for more information on a more accurate way to determine your due date – http://transitionsdoula.com/pregnancy/ddcalc)  But it’s amazing how just because we are given an estimated due date that we mentally expect a baby to be born by then and start worrying when it hasn’t!

    I explained it to my kids, who are losing hope that this baby will ever be born, like this.  When you have an apple tree, there are some apples that ripen early, most of them ripen around the same time, and some ripen after all the others have fallen off.  Babies are like that, too.  Each one has his own growing pattern.  Some start growing later than others, and some grow faster or slower than others. That’s how it is after they’re born, and all of us know that babies have different growth rates.  Somehow we forget that it’s the same way before they’re born.

    Unfortunately, we live in a world where medical induction is so common that we don’t get to see or hear from many people who have gone past 42 weeks.  But it didn’t used to be rare for women to have babies at 43 or even 44 weeks – I even read online about someone who was positive about her dates and gave birth at 46 weeks!  Some of those babies were very big, but others were supposedly late and small, with signs of being early.  Too many babies have been induced or born by cesarean because the care provider was convinced they needed to be born because of the dates themselves, ultrasound estimates of size, etc, only to find that the baby wasn’t as big, or as late, or as ready to be born as expected. (I was once with a first time mother who was pressured into a cesarean because of her extremely big baby, according to the ultrasound.  They told her he was too big to safely be born vaginally.  After the cesarean, the supposedly huge baby the baby was 7.5 pounds, covered in lots of vernix and clearly born before he was ready.  I heard the nurses talking about what an embarrassment it was that the surgery was done unnecessarily, though they promptly stopped discussing it when they saw me close to the nurses station.)

    We get fearful that something is wrong when our experience is even slightly outside of the norm because it’s unfamiliar territory, and because the message in the society around us is that different = wrong.  Being past your estimated due date doesn’t mean something has gone wrong, or that something bad is going to happen to you or your baby.  It just means that your baby is growing on its own time table.

    It’s hard to be constantly asked about if you’ve had the baby yet, every single day for weeks by every person you meet.  It’s hard to go to sleep every night wondering if tonight will be the night you’ll go into labor and then wake up the next morning still pregnant.  It’s hard to not make plans every night for the next day, because you don’t know if you’ll be able to keep your commitments.  What I personally think is the hardest thing, is hearing other people’s concerns and assumptions that something is wrong (“when are you going to be induced?” – and even natural minded friends suggesting natural induction methods) and staying emotionally disconnected from their message of fear/ distrust of the body and birth process but not from them.

    For me I have a subtle sense of irony about still being pregnant.  I wasn’t mentally prepared for this scenario, since my concern was really about avoiding being early!   This is new territory for me, after eight children!  But I really believe in the ability of the body to do what it’s created to do in a healthy way.  And I strongly feel that Hashem (G-d) is giving me a special opportunity during this unexpected space and it’s up to me to use it well.  These last twelve days have been a chance for me to consciously release my ideas and expectations, and be truly open to what He has planned.  Last night as I was lying in bed, I was listening to a musical relaxation cd and thinking continuously of  the following words almost as mantras:  Trust.  Accept.  Release. These were words I thought of because they represented concepts that resonated with me.  To me they meant:  Trust – that Hashem is taking care of everything, and it’s all as it’s supposed to be. Accept – what is and not what you think that should be.  Release – your fears, concerns, and expectations.  These aren’t specific to birth, but to all areas of life.

    I also feel this time space helped my kids become more balanced with the idea of a new baby, instead of the hyper excitement we were experiencing before.  And though they were strongly favoring a baby of one particular gender before, at this point they’ll be so happy with any baby that I don’t think they’ll be disappointed if it’s not what they were initially hoping for.  My husband commented it’s helped him get into a good head space for another baby, whereas a couple of weeks ago things were so busy that he almost didn’t have time to think about it.  It’s giving me lots of snuggling time with different kids, to ‘shore up’ the relationship while things are quiet, before life gets busy and I may not be able to do as much of that as I’d like.  And today I even cleaned the refrigerator!  🙂

    Seriously, I’ve been able to release concerns regarding having this baby that were very subtle, but somewhere there in my subconscious nonetheless. I don’t know what I did to let go of them, but I feel differently inside, and know that they’ve lost their power.  (Yes, I know I sound very crunchy and airy fairy, but that’s how I feel.)  Most of all, I’ve been using this time to consciously try and connect with G-d.  I can’t really accurately express the feeling I have inside of being more settled and grounded, more at peace both emotionally and spiritually.

    So that’s why as of now, I have no plans to use even natural induction techniques.  I’m not taking homeopathic caullophyllum, castor oil, stimulating pressure points, drinking infusions of raspberry leaf tea, having accupuncture done, or even trying to tell my body to get labor going right now.  Just like we’re going to enjoy the surprise of it’s a boy or girl, we’re going to enjoy the surprise of when our baby is born!

    Avivah

  • Buying more canning jars

    I haven’t bought any canning jars since last year, but I keep my eyes open on a regular basis in case I can expand my collection at a reasonable price.  Though I didn’t use all the jars I already have this year, I attribute that to it being my first year canning.  Over time, I think I’ll use more and more of them. 

    But since October or November, used canning jars are getting snapped up very fast (I’ve read that new jars are also selling at a much higher volume than in the past).  This is interesting since the winter is the time of year that no one is usually buying jars – the summer is prime time canning season.  It’s markedly different than what I saw in the summer months immediately prior.  It’s amazing to me how fast the public has decided that something they once never paid attention to is now worth buying.  The interest in canning is intrinsically tied to the financial insecurity that people are feeling now, just like the huge increases in purchases of vegetable seeds.

    Now on one hand, I think it’s great that people are getting interested in back to basics type skills like canning.  On the other hand, it means that suddenly used canning jars are commanding top dollar prices and finding a good deal is much harder.  A month or so ago, someone posted a large lot of used jars, and said she’d take the best offer.  I emailed her my offer, and explained what it was based on.  It was a reasonable offer, at a price that has been accepted every single time in the past.  She emailed me back to say that she had received a bunch of responses, that my offer was right in the middle, and someone was coming to buy the lot, which I had offered $60 for, for $150.  This floored me – in my opinion, no one in their right mind would pay such a high price for used jars that didn’t even have lids or rings, because it was significantly more expensive than buying brand new jars that had the lids and rings included.  (The additional purchase of a set of lids and rings at about $3 per dozen would be necessary for the buyer to have what he needed for canning.)

    That indicated to me totally irrational buying – it’s obvious that the people buying now are those who don’t know the value of what they’re buying.  They just see canning jars and feel they need to get them because somehow that’s going to protect them from the bad stuff coming down the economic pike.  So that doesn’t leave much room to negotiate with sellers!

    Last night I saw an offer for jars, and though it’s higher than what I’ve paid in the past, I felt it was in the realm of reasonable, unlike a lot of ads I’ve been seeing (like $22 for a dozen quart jars from a private seller – which you can buy for under $8 at Walmart).  Turns out I was the first person to respond, but the seller told me that after my response last night, there were three more responses, and then another three as soon as she opened her inbox this morning.  She said she didn’t think anyone would be interested – they were her mother’s jars, and she’d tried offering them to family members for free, but no one wanted them.  She was taken aback at how many responses she received in such a short amount of time. 

    Anyway, I took four kids with me to pick up the jars – it was a nice 40 minute drive there, but they asked if they could come, and I was happy to bring them along.  (It was ds10, dd8, ds6, and ds3.)  She gave me the code for the electronic gate, and when we entered it, I was initially discouraged because it seemed to be a mini community of several homes, and none of them had addresses – there was only one address on the outside gate.  Turns out it was all one private property, and what looked like two homes was actually one huge home, in addition to one home for their parents who had recently moved away (hence her selling the jars), and the other was their garage.  At first we couldn’t find her, just the jars she had left in the driveway as she said she would (though she didn’t tell me there were several driveways, all independent of one another – the jars weren’t in the main home’s driveway and I had to drive around until we found them).  After we got the jars, we circled back around to the main house so we could pay her, and found her the second try.  She told me she found another dozen jars for me, and while my ds was putting them in the van, I was shmoozing with her and my other kids all got out of the van to play with her dogs (they loved dogs but as much as they’d like one, it’s not going to happen for us at this point in life).  She said she used to help her mother can tomatoes and green beans from their small but prolific garden in Brooklyn Park, and how the kids hated picking berries for jam because it took so many berries to make a small amount of jam. 

    After talking for a while, she commented on how good the kids were, and offered to let them go onto her private dock behind the house and hang out there.  (Good behavior is it’s own reward! :))  You’d never know there was any water anywhere near there – the entire property was very expansive but also very private – but there was actually a private lake behind their home.  Then she mentioned that there was a large trampoline on the way down the path to the dock, and the kids might feel like they wanted to jump on it when they went by – so they should feel free to jump all they wanted!  She had to leave soon afterwards, but even though it meant leaving us there alone on her property, told us to feel free to stay there as long as the kids were enjoying themselves. 

    It was so generous of her, and we had a lovely time on their beautiful property.  I was so glad that every one of them came along – it would have been a shame if they had missed the special outing it turned out to be.  The kids had a great time on her trampoline and on the dock, and enjoyed looking at their motor boat, canoe, rowboat, and kayaks, along with going on different parts of the dock (they particularly liked the floating dock). It was fun for them to be able to explore a different kind of place than we’d usually have access to.  The private lake didn’t have any entrance for public access, and the home itself was kind of hidden away, with the only access through their private gated entrance.   It was so relaxing on the dock, though less than it would have been if the kids weren’t there – I was pretty vigilant about watching them all every single minute – but there’s something about water that is so calming and peaceful. 

    When we got home my ds10 organized all the jars, and it turns out that instead of 7 dozen for $30, we got 11 dozen for $30 (5 dozen quarts, 5 dozen pints, 1 dozen half pints)!  Which means that it ended up not only being a really nice outing with the kids, but a super deal, too!  And something I like about used jars is the sense of history that comes with them, as many jars were made by companies which no longer exist, in colors and sizes that aren’t made any more.  It just goes to show that even in a hot market, if H-shem wants you to have something, there are bargains to be had, unexpected though they may be. 🙂

    Avivah

  • Link for homeschooling conference schedule

    I just set up a new site that has the basic information regarding the Torah Homeschooling Conference.  If you’re interested in viewing the scheduled presentations, look on the top right side of the screen where it says ‘Conference Schedule’.  There is a contact email there for further questions or regarding payment.  http://jewishhomeschooling.wordpress.com/

    I’ll add specific details as they arise.

    Avivah 

  • Making the postpartum period easier

    I hope everyone is enjoying their Lag B’omer!  My husband took the kids to our shul bonfire last night; I stayed home with the youngest, who was sleeping, and finally was able to listen to three of the relaxation cds that I checked out on Friday.  Two of them were good and I’ll happily use them during labor, one I couldn’t listen to for more than a minute without feeling annoyed so that immediately went into the reject pile. 

    Today we went to a state park for a homeschooling get together.  It’s been six years since our last Lag B’omer homeschooling outing, since it kept falling on Sunday or Friday or other times that were inconvenient.  Finally this year the dates worked out, the weather was perfect, and we all had a great time.  It works out especially well since the last Weds. of the month, when we usually meet, will be erev Shavuos, so it’s like meeting now and making up for missing it then.  And a friend brought me two Jewish name books, so I’ve been looking through them this afternoon, looking at different spiritual connections between various names and this time of year.

    >>There is no group here that makes meals or otherwise helps out with the family after birth, and there are no other shomer Shabbos families with a wife in town either, so I do worry about putting all the work on my husband (and it will be around the end of the semester (he is a professor). I have had very easy births so far, but you never know.<<

    Some people are fortunate enough to have mothers who come and take care of everything for a week or even longer after birth, which is wonderful.  But most grandmothers are still working and can’t take the time off, and even if they can, after a week a mother still should be resting and taking it easy. 

    So you have to be your own support, which isn’t really hard to do if you plan ahead and don’t get emotional about the help you should have but don’t.  Seriously, feeling sorry for yourself is just not productive because it doesn’t move you forward, but lots of women get stuck in this head space.   So it’s worth mentioning that it’s good to avoid that. 🙂

    First of all, think about what kind of help you’ll need.  For most people, what comes to mind are the basic running the house kind of work that you’ll want to minimize as you give your body a chance to rest.  That usually means meals, laundry, and childcare. 

    Meals – I’ve been fortunate to have friends send meals for a week after birth, for dinner.  I’ve always felt this was a huge help because it’s one less thing to think about or to do, and the kids always find it to be a treat to enjoy someone else’s cooking!  But even when you’re not in this situation, you can make meals in advance for yourself and stock your freezer.  I did this from my very first pregnancy through no. 6 (I can’t remember exactly).  There are lots of one dish meals that are ideal for this; hearty soups can also be frozen.  If for the month before you give birth you double whatever you’re making for dinner each night and pop the extra into the freezer right away, you’ll fill your freezer with hardly any extra thought or effort.  Even when I just had one newborn and no other children to take care of, it was such a help to pull a pan out of the freezer early in the day, warm it up before dinner, and know that we’d have a nice meal to enjoy without any exertion on my part.  This becomes a lot more important when you have young children, since the more people depend on you to be fed, the more pressure there is when you’re not feeling up to it.  So that’s dinner.

    Going backwards in the day, you’ll need to take care of breakfast and lunch.  I’m a big believer in keeping things simple.  There are times in life to make more complicated meals, and there are times for hard boiled eggs and carrot sticks.  After birth is a time to just be concerned about basic nutrition, not any standard of impressive presentation!  For breakfasts, you can pull things you’ve baked in advance from the freezer, like muffins, quick breads, baked oatmeal, or you can make fast and simple breakfasts like oatmeal, polenta, or eggs.  Granola can be made in a large batch in advance, or you could use store bought cold cereal (because I don’t use cold cereals, it’s not the first thing I think of but it can be a good option) or instant hot cereal packs (like grits or cream of wheat). 

    Lunch – sandwiches, cottage cheese, tuna, veggie sticks.  Again, simple, simple, simple.  Serve whatever it is with a smile and everyone will be happy.  Even as easy as this can be, it takes mental space to think about what to put out.  So I’d suggest before birth making a menu for the first month postpartum, writing down what you’ll have for each meal.  This can be posted on the fridge, and will make it easier for you to make sure everyone is fed, and make it easier for your husband to do the shopping for whatever it is you’ll need.  You can use this same meal schedule for the next month, if you feel that will be helpful to you at that time. 

    Child care – this is the hardest thing to delegate.  If you have the possibility of hiring someone to come in for an hour or two a day, that will give you time to rest.  I remember when I had my third that just being able to take a nap for an hour in the afternoon was a big help – this was the main thing I remember my mother in law doing for me when she came to visit after that birth – watching the kids while I took a nap later in the day.  Often you can find a homeschooled teen who is home during the day, or even a 10 or 12 year old can be a big help in entertaining the kids.  You’ll be home so it’s not like you need a babysitter as much as a mother’s helper, and younger kids are great for that. 

    But often that’s not possible, financially or because you can’t find anyone!  When you’re the one who is supervising the kids, stay seated as much as possible.  A lot of the time we get up and feel like we have to do something but many of those things can just as easily be dealt with from the couch.  🙂  You can have your older kids (even age 4- 5 and up) bring you diapers and the baby or toddler when they need changing.  (My 4.5 year old was already changing her baby brother’s wet diapers by herself by the time he was 6 months old, but that was initiative she took; I wouldn’t have thought of asking her to do it!)    Your kids can help each other instead of turning to you for everything (an older one can play with a younger, bring them a toy, etc), and when you explain that mommy needs to rest they can share in the good feeling that they’re able to help you recuperate.  Kids love to be helpful.

    Laundry – With a washer and dryer, this shouldn’t be a big physical effort.  But the less you do after birth, the faster you’ll recuperate.  If you can, ask your husband to do this when he gets home – popping a load in right before dinner, and then another right after dinner can keep things moving along very nicely.  If he’s not available for this, then at least have someone else bring the dirty laundry to the machine and take the clean laundry to where it needs to go.   You can have your kids put the actual dirty laundry in the machine for you, and then put the clean wet laundry in the dryer, so that you’re not exerting yourself.

    My midwife’s instructions are no driving anywhere for two weeks, not even as a passenger.  It’s not that riding in a car is so strenous that she says this.  I think it’s more that once we get into the car, we have a tendency to think that we can and should be taking care of things.  Don’t be a martyr, and don’t try to prove how capable you are, that you’re back to normal so quickly after having a baby.  The more you rest after birth, the sooner you’ll get back to yourself.  Being pregnant and giving birth takes a lot out of your body, and even if you feel great, your body deserves some healing time.  The postpartum period is the time to nurture yourself as much as you possibly can, to drop down to the most basic standards, and to put yourself first without feeling guilty for it.  Anyway, it’s not like you’re sitting around eating bon bons after giving birth – you’re still working hard, taking care of a newborn with all that entails.  You’ve earned a break after doing all you’ve done for nine months, plus what you’re doing with a new baby, don’t you think?!?  If that doesn’t earn you a break, I don’t know what will!  Emotionally, you’ll also benefit by taking care of yourself, as you’ll be less likely to suffer from postpartum depression. 

    If someone offers to help, take them up on it.  It’s not easy to ask a visitor to wash your sink full of dishes, put a load of laundry in the machine, or take your kids to the park for an hour, but I think most people who care enough to visit you or call to ask about your well being really want to help and would be happy to do something concrete if they can. 

    Avivah

  • The first Torah Homeschooling Conference!

    Even though I’m still finalizing some last details, I want to give anyone who lives out of the area some advance notice about the first Torah Homeschooling Conference, so that you’ll have time to make arrangements if you want to come in for it.

    The conference is geared towards providing support and encouragement to those who are already homeschooling, as well as answering questions of parents who are considering homeschooling.  It will be held in Baltimore on June 28, 2009, on the second floor of the Park Heights JCC, 5700 Park Heights Ave. 21215.  Check-in/registration will begin at 8:15 am; the talks/workshops will begin at 9 am and end at 5 pm.  Topics that will be covered will include (but aren’t limited to): creative approaches for teaching Hebrew reading and writing, teaching limudei kodesh, different approaches to homeschooling, the benefits of homeschooling and dealing with challenges, socialization, marriage and homeschooling, burnout, and a veterans’ panel in which questions will be accepted from the audience.  A couple of topics are still being finalized. We have a rav who will be speaking on the importance of chanoch l’naar al pi darko, and a parent educator/author who will speak about building the connnection with your children. 

    Except for the two general sessions, which will be for all attendees, there will be two workshops during each time slot (for a total of five workshop choices), and parents will need to preregister for the workshops that most interest them, as there is limited space.  All workshops will be given by experienced homeschool parents.  I plan to have all workshops and talks recorded for later purchase, so that if someone misses one, they’ll be able to hear it later on.

    The cost will be $15 per person or $25 per couple for advance registration.  Payment for advance registration needs to be received by June 15 and your workshop choices should be included at that time.  If you choose to register at the door, the cost will be $20 per person or $35 per couple.  Your workshop choices will be limited to the available openings at that time, so while you’ll definitely be able to attend something in each time slot, you won’t necessarily be able to attend the one that most interests you.  If I can get a website set up within a week, the workshop schedule will be available online; otherwise it will be available from me or another volunteer by email (I’ll share those details when we’re ready to send the schedule out). 

    I’ve spoken to the JCC and they are willing to provide babysitting for infants through age 3, in the same building where the conference will take place.  They are licensed and insured, and well set up for children of this age.  The payment for this will be separate from conference costs and will be made to the JCC at the time you are there.  Since they will be bringing in staff just for this, and are going well outside of their usual services of providing babysitting for just an hour at a time, I’ll need to know by June 15 if you’ll need babysitting services so that I can let them know how much staffing they’ll need.

    Lunch can be purchased at the Eden Cafe, a kosher dairy restaurant in the same building, or attendees can go to other area restaurants during the hour long lunch break.  There will be some Jewish academic resources available for purchase from the Center for Jewish Education’s store, as well as a huge variety of curriculums available for browsing in their library (on the same floor as the conference rooms).

    Since as you know I’m due any minute, if you want to get involved and help out, I’d love to have your help!  As of right now, what I most would appreciate help with is:

    – keeping track of registration, payment, and workshop choices

    – if you know how to set up a basic wordpress blog with a shopping cart and online registration capacity, and can do it inexpensively, please let me know. 

    – **if in Baltimore – setting up the recording devices for each talk

    – **if in Baltimore – making Shabbos arrangements for visiting families.  I’ve negotiated a  discount at an area hotel (Radisson at Cross Keys) for workshop attendees, but this will be the only option for out of town visitors if someone isn’t able to help with Shabbos arrangements. 

    – compiling useful homeschooling articles to include as handouts; someone has already volunteered to compile lists of homeschooling resources

    – helping to get the word out about the conference

    I think our community is very overdue for an event like this, and am looking forward to the conference.  I hope that I’ll get to meet a number of online homeschooling friends in person!  And meeting new friends will be wonderful, too!

    Avivah

  • Midwifes ‘watching’ laboring women

    >>Avivah, I have a question about having the midwife stay
    in the other room. Most of the midwives I’ve talked to
    over the years have emphasized that *watching* the mom
    labor (hopefully unobtrusively) is an important way that
    they gain a sense for how the labor is progressing and
    how the mom and baby are doing, without having to do a
    lot of exams or monitoring. How do you feel about that?
    Do you think you would be able to call the midwife in if
    you felt you were having a hard time?

    I’m asking, not to judge your approach, but just to
    increase my own understanding.<<

    It’s a good question, and you don’t sound a bit like you’re being judgemental! 

    I didn’t mean to give the impression that the midwife stays out of the room the entire time – she doesn’t.  She comes in periodically and assesses how things are going, but she goes out when she sees things are fine.  If I felt I needed her at any of these times, she would stay with me.  Whenever my husband goes in and out of the room, he keeps her updated, too.  If something suddenly and drastically changed in my labor, she’s very close by, and my husband would get her.  My husband tends to be with me during a lot of labor, though he ends up sitting somewhere to the side, usually.  I like to know he’s there, but not to feel that he’s there.  🙂  That’s how he’s able to call her immediately when I say I want her to come in. 

    All of my hospital births were attended by midwives (CNMs) and this is what they did, and both of my home birth midwives have done the same thing.  It really is possible to learn a lot about where a woman is holding just by watching her – I used to pretty accurately be able to guess how many centimeters the women I was providing labor support for were at by paying attention to their labor signposts.  Experienced midwives have been at a lot more births than I have and I’m sure can detect a lot more factors than that.

     I think the above is the typical approach to keeping an eye on a laboring woman, but periodic monitoring doesn’t require a constant presence, and most experienced midwives have learned the art of being unobtrusive even when they are present.

    Avivah 

  • Extend your dishwashing liquid

    A while back, I wanted to see if I could inexpensively extend the amount of time my dishwashing liquid lasted, as it seems that we just blow through it.  Part of that is that my kids do dishes, and they aren’t conservative about how much they use.  And since they wash dishes, I’m not going to complain that they’re using too much soap. 

    But still, making what you have last longer is an inherent part of saving money, so I was thinking about options.  One was to make my own dishwashing liquid, an idea I’ll eventually try but haven’t done yet.  What I did start doing several weeks ago was the following:

    Take a bottle of the dishwashing liquid you buy, and then empty half of it into another bottle.  Fill the bottle with the liquid 1/4 of the way with ammonia, and the remaining 1/4 fill with either water or vinegar (I used water but vinegar would have more cleaning power).  Give it a shake, and use it the same way you’d use your regular dishwashing liquid. 

    I was very happy with this mixture, since it cuts the grease much more effectively than the store bought stuff, and I needed to use less to get the dishes clean.  I mixed up a new batch of it tonight (this takes literally a few seconds), which reminded me to share this tip with you!

    Avivah

  • It’s a beautiful world!

    Since I was on the phone for hours yesterday making arrangements for the Torah homeschooling conference I’m organizing, I especially wanted to be present for my kids today and NOT be on the phone or computer.  So lest any of you think that a day without me posting means that I had a baby, I wanted to quickly pop in and let you know that I didn’t. 🙂

    But now that I’m here, I’ll share some of what I was thinking about this morning.  Have you ever stopped to think about what a beautiful world we live in?  Not because anything is extra special about today, but just because every day is so beautiful?  That’s what I was thinking about.  We are so lucky to have all that we have.  It’s so easy to be so busy that we are more focused on what we need to accomplish than on being present in the moment and enjoying living life. 

    I feel like this week past my due date has been a wonderful gift, since I’ve used the opportunity to become more mentally relaxed and emotionally present for myself and my family.  I’ve still gotten a lot done, but I haven’t had the sense of pressure that something needs to be done that I sometimes feel.  If I’ve wanted to do it, I’ve done it, without any unnecessary emotion about it.  There are some things that I haven’t felt were important enough to do that I usually do, but that’s been fine, too.  It’s a good headspace to be in – and it’s not because I don’t have anything to do, because I have as much to do as always, and not because my life is stress free, because it’s not (spent yesterday afternoon at the dentist with ds10, seeing about getting his newly chipped tooth repaired – it was broken when a friend accidentally smashed him in the mouth with a water gun and now he’s snaggle toothed :)).  It’s easy to forget how we’re the ones who choose our mood and how our day goes, but the reality is, we’re the only ones who can control our daily experience. 

    Today I picked up some relaxation music cds from the library for using in labor.  I wish I could listen to them and decide which is most appropriate labor music, but I’m thinking that any of them will be enjoyable.  Maybe on Lag B’omer I’ll have the chance depending what does or doesn’t develop between then. 🙂  I really enjoy peaceful and relaxing new age type music, though I don’t listen to it often, since my kids have their preferences, too, and while they like this, they wouldn’t choose it.  I’ve enjoyed listening to Yanni since high school, but his music isn’t good for labor – some of the pieces too much tempo and you don’t want music building up when contractions are building up.  I don’t know anything about any of the cds I got today – if it said something about relaxation, serenity, or peacefulness on it, I took it. 🙂

    Then I got to spend some time in the kosher supermarket, a fun place to be on Friday afternoon. 🙂  Seriously, even shopping on erev Shabbos can be enjoyable if you’re not feeling rushed.  And if you’re lucky enough to too run into a friend while shopping like I did, it’s even nicer!  Then someone else I hardly knew came up to me and told me she had been trying to call me about something, so I was able to have a nice chat with her and have one less call to return to boot! 

    While I spent that time out, my kids were countersinking the nail holes in our new door frame (this time it was dd8 and ds10 who were helping out), and then filling the holes with putty so that they can be painted over.  I love how my husband gets the kids involved in working with him; it’s enjoyable for all of them to be working together on something.  My husband did some more finishing touches, so it’s really almost done – maybe he’ll even paint the frame today.  I know he’d like to be finished with it. 

    Right now the house is filled with the yummy smell of cinnamon – we’re trying an experiment for a Shabbos snack.  We sliced up peeled summer squash thinly, sprinkled the slices with cinnamon and sucanat, and put it into the dehydrator.  They aren’t yet finished, but they should be done in time for Shabbos.  I think they’ll be really tasty.

    Anyway, those are some of my thoughts and some of what’s happening around here today.  I hope you all have a wonderful Shabbos!

    Avivah