Avivah Werner

Author: Avivah

  • Developing belief in yourself

    I often speak to/correspond with parents who are considering homeschooling, and I’ve found that the main thing that they express are their worries about doing something so different from the mainstream.  There are worries about short term academic achievement, social skill development, emotional development.  Practical worries, like how to get their kids to listen to them, how to juggle all the demands of homeschooling and running a home, which curriculum to buy and at what point.  And then there are the long term worries, about how they’ll transition to school at a later date, get married, function in society, or have long term scars as a result of the choice their parents made to homeschool.  (There are lots more specifics, but you get the idea!)

    It’s interesting that very few parents agonize over these questions before sending their child to school, or even consider them at all.  By virtue of everyone else doing it, there’s a certain comfort and assurance that it’s going to all work out just fine.  But these are questions inherent to the process of raising your children, regardless of what venue you choose. Every parent needs to think about their child’s emotional, social, and academic needs, and assess if they are best served in the environment they’re choosing to place them in.  Educating your child in whatever manner should involve thought and consideration.

    I was thinking tonight that it would be nice if there was a magic pill to give these parents, to help them put their concerns into perspective – I often feel that they’re hoping talking to me will be the magic pill.  I’ve regularly been asked how I had the confidence to homeschool my kids, how I dealt with that nagging doubt that is constantly at the back of a parent’s mind whenever they make a choice that differs from the mainstream.  When I think of my own experience, it reminds me once again that there is no magic pill, and that a magic pill would only keep us from developing confidence in ourselves.  Confidence is built on a foundation of grappling with our fears and doubts and resolving them. 

    As for me, I really believed in the principles of educating one’s children as individuals, according to their needs and internal timelines.  Whenever I would worry that someone wasn’t progressing fast enough, or I wasn’t doing enough, I’d go back to my core principles and think about them.  This meant a lot of thinking over the years!  But it was through this process of thinking and thinking and thinking (and talking to my husband about it), constantly evaluating my experience along with the feedback of others, that my belief in what I was doing for my family was constantly strengthened.

    And I think that’s what every parent benefits from – not just talking to someone who seems to have it all together, who’s worked out their issues in this area and is happy with their results. That can be helpful, but true strength isn’t borrowed from others.  That inner confidence can only come from deep inside you.  And as I told someone tonight, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.  You have to believe in your principles even before you get the results, but increasingly with time, your results will begin to show up for you.  Once you start to see those positive results, that will continue to give support to all that you’re doing.  The longer you stick with your principles, the better your results will be and the more you have to reassure yourself with. 

    It’s like gardening – you plant the seed in good soil, water and fertilize it regularly, and you have to trust that something is happening and it will bloom when it’s meant to.  You can’t be constantly digging up the seed to see what’s happening to it.  Just because you don’t see growth doesn’t mean it’s not happening.  Growth in our children (as well as ourselves) is organic, and takes time.  We have to learn to trust the process, and trust is something that we’re lacking nowadays.  We grow up trusting the authorities, the professionals, those with letters after their names, but to believe in ourselves?  It’s something we need to learn to do.  And it takes time.  But it’s so worthwhile!

    Avivah

  • Using oil lamps

    Yesterday I got my first order from Lehman’s, an online Amish store (I know, that seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it?); they have all the manual/non electric stuff you could imagine and a lot more.  In it were the supplies I need for oil lamps.  (Why would I want that, you wonder? :))  I thought it would be practical to have some back up lighting other than candles and flashlights for power outages, and the idea of a lamp was appealing.  It’s much more secure than a candle, and provides a lot more light.  And it’s so atmospheric!

    I did some research on oil lamps, but I wasn’t interested in breaking the bank, especially since it’s not something that I was intending to use for every day, and most of those I saw recommended were just too expensive.  When I heard about the possibility of using canning jars as the base for an oil lamp, and buying a converter so it could effectively be used as one, that very much appealed to me.  I don’t like having things around taking up space if it’s not necessary, and since I already have canning jars around, I appreciated being able to use them for more than one purpose. 

    It took me ages to find what I was looking for on their website – they have loads of stuff and I didn’t have a catalog number to search for it with, and if I hadn’t known they had it, I would have given up.  But I finally found it.  (Here’s the link in case you’re interested: http://www.lehmans.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=978&itemType=PRODUCT&RS=1&keyword=1310 )  I bought three adapters, chimneys, and burners, which would give me three lamps – it was about $8 per lamp.  And I got three extra packages of wicks.  I’ve read that you can make your own, but until I know enough to know what to do, I’ll stick with these.  So these supplies will provide lighting for three lamps, which means that if necessary, three rooms will have some light in it – carrying a lamp or even a flashlight from room to room isn’t so efficient when it means leaving 9 other people sitting in the dark!  (About six years ago, there was a hurricane here that knocked our power out for a week, and it was really spooky for my kids at night, even with flashlights and tea lights.  I think this would have helped a lot.)

    But why wait for a power outage to enjoy dinner by lamplight?  Last night we (well, I already told you I went out at dinner time, but everyone else) ate dinner by the light of our oil lamp.  I waited around to leave until it was lit to see how well it worked.  It was really nice and I think we’ll use it more often just for the special feeling it adds to a family dinner. 

    For fuel, we used the citronella torch fuel that is made for outdoor torch lamps, that I got for 50% off last week.  I can’t yet estimate how cost efficient this is in comparison to using electric lights (and I’m not likely to do all the necessary calculations, either!), but a jar of fuel is 55 oz, enough to fill the one quart canning jar we’re using as a base 1.5 times.  The amount of fuel we used was negligible, but I’d have to burn it all down, keeping track of exactly how many hours it lasted in order to really give you an accurate idea of the cost.  In any case, it’s a lot cheaper than the lamp oil they were selling at Lehman’s for 6.95 for 32 oz!  So maybe I really should go buy some more of that lamp fuel before they sell out. 

    Now I need to pull out those cheapy hurricane lanterns that I bought last week (the day after placing my order for these) for $2 each, and see how they compare.  Those will definitely be better for camping because I can hang them up.

    Avivah

  • Cauliflower popcorn

    Cauliflower popcorn isn’t as exciting as it sounds, but I think a fun name makes it more fun to eat, don’t you?  Especially for kids.  I didn’t make up the recipe title, though; that’s what it was called when I found it online.

    We made this today for the first time, and since I had to leave just when everyone was having dinner, I asked them to set some aside for me.  It was a good thing I did, because they gobbled all the rest of it up!  And we used 6 small heads of cauliflower just for this one meal – now you know why I like buying food at great prices (if you remember, I spent .39 for head each last week) – with our family, we’d either have to eat a lot less or spend a lot more!  My husband reminded me when I commented with surprise that it was all gone that our kids like veggies, and they usually finish off whatever I put out, which is good, so I’m not complaining!

    Here’s the very easy recipe.

    Cauliflower Popcorn:

    • 1 head of cauliflower, chopped into 1/2 inch pieces (about the size of popped popcorn)
    • 4 T. olive oil
    • 1 t. sea salt

    Combine the olive oil and salt, then add the cauliflower pieces to the bowl you have the oil mix in, and toss thoroughly.  Put it on a baking sheet and roast it at 425 degrees for an hour, turning 3 – 4 times while it cooks, until each piece is golden brown.

    If you decide to double this recipe (or make even more than that!), you won’t need to use increase the amount of oil proportionately, because you’ll end up with most of it at the bottom of the pan if you do.  I can’t give a definite rule for this, but I’d think that for the recipe we made tonight, about a third the amount of oil called for was necessary.

    Avivah

  • Waffle French Toast

    French toast is a great way to use up challah leftover from Shabbos, so we often have it on Sunday mornings.  We discovered this recipe last week from my new cookbook, The Joy of Cooking, a Chanuka gift from my mother.  My kids loved it, and this is now their preferred way to make it.  You’ll need a waffle iron for it, and if you don’t have one, I don’t suggest running out to get one.  I have one thanks to a friend, who mentioned when I was visiting that she had an extra one for dairy, and offered it to me.

    Waffle French Toast

    • 3 large eggs
    • 1/2 c. milk
    • 2 T. melted butter
    • 1/8 t. salt

    Mix this all up.  Then take six pieces of bread (if it’s a little stale it’s better than very fresh), and dip each one in the egg mixture.  Put it in the waffle iron, close the lid, and cook until the bread is golden brown.  This makes six pieces of French toast.

    As you can see, this is basically just regular French toast but made in a waffle iron, but the kids think it’s so much tastier and fun to eat!  It has no sugar, which is a plus, and they didn’t feel like they wanted to add any syrup or sweetener to eat it with.

    Avivah

  • Weekly menu plan

    Okeydoke, here’s this week’s menu.  I’m doing what seems like more vegetarian meals than usual, though most of you know my usual comments about cooking grains and beans with chicken broth, etc.

    Sunday – b- waffle French toast; l – bagels, cream cheese; d – taco style lentils and rice, tacos, steamed asparagus, chopped tomatoes

    Monday – b – orange muffins; l – panini sandwiches, cauliflower popcorn; d – kasha nut loaf, yogurt sauce

    Tuesday – b – baked banana oatmeal;  l – tomato chickpea soup; d – baked fish, mashed potatoes

    Wednesday – b – vegetable omelettes; l – baked potatoes, cottage cheese, guacamole; d – baked falafel, whole wheat pitas, fried eggplant

    Thursday – b – polenta; l – leftovers; d – honey baked lentils

    Have a great week!

    Avivah

  • Freezing hard cheese

    I recently mentioned that you can freeze hard cheese.  But there are a couple of things to be aware of.  Firstly, when hard cheese is frozen and then defrosted, the consistency will be different.  Specifically, it will be crumbly, which is good if you buy a block of cheese since it makes shredding it a breeze.  All you have to do is slice it thinly while still frozen and it will fall apart into crumbles. 

    But what if you don’t want to have shredded cheese?  Does that mean that freezing cheese won’t work for you?   No.  You just need to be aware of another bit of useful information, that I’m about to disclose to you. 🙂  If you leave the cheese on your counter, where it can get warm and almost melty, and then put it in the freezer, the consistency won’t be crumbly when defrosted.

    Gosh, I have no idea where I pick these things up.  But they come in handy sometimes!

    Avivah

  • Early rising, time for learning

    Several years ago, I made some adaptations to my parenting style.  Mainly, I raised the my expectations for my kids’ behavior, and developed a strategy to follow up on those expectations.  One of the most important things I did was to bring my kids closer to me and consciously spent more time with them when they did something displeasing (rather than the very popular ‘push kids away’/time out approach that it touted, which I think I’ve shared my feelings about a while back).   A very few times at the beginning, this meant that I told whatever child involved that they would need to sleep in my room if I felt that they had showed they wouldn’t behave appropriately in their own rooms at night without supervision.  I didn’t do it punitively, but I had them make up a pallet on the floor next to my bed.  This wasn’t something I had to do very often at all, but I very soon saw that the kids actually really liked it – one child asked me the next night if he could sleep in my room again!   I then saw clearly how a disciplinary measure could be loving and perceived as such by both parent and child, while simultaneously improving the behavior and building the parent-child relationship.  Our kids really want to be close to us.

    Anyway, on to the present.  Last nights I spontaneously offered to let my 9 year old son sleep in my room, since my husband wasn’t home, something I do every once in a while for my middle three (6,8, 9).  Not because he needed more of my presence or for me to keep an eye on him, but because I thought he’d want to.  I was right – he jumped up and said, “Really?!  Thanks, Mommy!”  And rushed to get ready for bed. 

    He gets up earlier than I do to go to shul with my 15 year old, so he brought his own alarm to my room because I’m still sleeping when they leave.  I happened to wake up before his alarm went off, but I thought it was 6 am when he woke up.  It was still dark.  I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I picked up a book from the pile next to my bed (I never told you how many books I’m usually in the middle of, did I?  Let’s just say I usually have a nice pile next to my bed.:)).  About a half hour later, I looked at my watch, and saw that it was only 6 am, and was still dark.  Meaning that he had woken up at 5:30.

    Later today, my older son told me he was really tired, and I told him I had been really surprised to see that they woke up so early, because I thought they went to a later minyan. He said B. (the 9 year old) wanted to go to the earliest minyan possible, so he agreed to take him to the 6:20 minyan.  I couldn’t think of any reason why B. would prefer one minyan over another, so I asked E. (15 year old) why they chose that one.  He said that B. wanted to daven as early as possible, because then they’d have more time between the time they finished davening and the time I told them they have to be home for breakfast (we recently changed breakfast to 9 am so that they wouldn’t have to rush home, but I’m adamant that they must be home by then). 

    Then I was wondering why did he want more time between davening and breakfast? The answer: so he could learn more mishnayos!  He really loves learning with his big brother – their daily learning time is in the morning before coming home (though they often like to do more later on in the day or evening), and this morning he came home from shul and told me with a lot of excitement that they did 11 mishnayos this morning, a new record!  He’s definitely intrinsically motivated.  🙂  You should see how fast they’re going through mishnayos – whew!

    I love seeing my kids taking the intiative to further their own learning goals, something I was told years ago that kids needed to be in school to learn, that a child on his own wouldn’t want to learn.  One more example for me of how trusting the process of learning and your child really works.

    Avivah

  • Make a menu based on your pantry

    >>Do you plan your menus from the sale flyers in advance, or buy the sale items and then come up with a menu after?<<

    I’ve written about menu planning, and I’ve written about shopping to fill your pantry.  I do both.  But I suggest something else that I rarely see advocated, but is very advantageous to your food bill.

    Most people make their menu, and then plan their shopping list.  And that’s really good – it’s a huge step above what most people do, which is to not plan much at all.  But what I like to do is stock my fridge, freezer, and pantry first.  I buys lots of whatever is a good price, buy a variety of fruits and vegetables (no pricey non seasonal veggies), and whatever else rounds out my basic pantry list for the month.  (I’ll try to share a list of what I try to stock my pantry with another time.)  Then, and only then, I make my menu, by looking at whatever I already have in the house.

    How does this help?  Firstly, you’ll always have the ingredients you need on hand – you know you have them, and that’s why you planned each particular meal!  Secondly, and more importantly, is that you are always eating sale priced items.  Let’s say that thanks to buying only sale items, your monthly discounts on groceries average out to 30% less than what you would have paid at full price.  That means that you are either a) saving 30% of what you would have otherwise spent, or that b) you’re spending the same monthly total on food, but getting 30% food more than you could have otherwise, which can last you 5.5 weeks instead of 4.  That adds up to a big difference, don’t you think?

    Some of you may object, saying that you can’t buy a lot of what you need ahead of time.  But I think running out daily for milk and bread is a habit more than anything.  And then people get used to it and can’t imagine shopping differently.  But even items like bread and milk can be purchased in advance.  Bread can easily be frozen and then defrosted before needed, or toasted if you prefer.  Milk can also be frozen, and if you’re not buying raw milk, then the consistency when you defrost it will be the same as before it was frozen.  Raw milk is fine to freeze, too, but the consistency changes – the cream will be in tiny chunks.  Meat and chicken can stay good in the fridge for several days, in the freezer for a lot longer.  Fish is kept the same as the chicken or meat.  Cottage cheese, ricotta cheese, butter, yogurt, and hard cheese can be frozen (I’ll do a separate post soon on some specific suggestions for freezing hard cheeses), and all of them easily stay good in the fridge for at least a week.  Don’t freeze sour cream, though – I tried this recently and when it defrosted, it was liquid.  So I used it for cream style grits for breakfast. 🙂

    Root vegetables (potatoes, sweet potatoes, cabbage, carrots, parsnips, turnips, rutabagas) can all be easily stored in the winter without refrigeration.  Fresh vegetables that are more perishable don’t need to be purchased more than once a week. And of course, frozen vegetables are nutritionally pretty good and can be bought much more than a week ahead.  Winter fruits store well in cold weather, too, like apples, pear, and citrus.  If you like to buy fruits out of season, then just refrigerate them.

    So buying food ahead shouldn’t be too hard – just shop the sales, and stock up.  It’s a different way of thinking about shopping, and will take some time to get a full variety of pantry items stocked, but not nearly as long as you think.

    Avivah

  • National Wholesale Liquidators – going out of business

    My husband told me last night that National Wholesale Liquidators is going out of business – his coworker told him that he got a bunch of stuff at great prices.  Well, I don’t like to shop just because there’s a sale, but if there’s something on my ongoing list of things to keep an eye open for, then I’ll get it.  So this afternoon, I headed over to check things out.

    The store was getting to be pretty well cleaned out, and I wasn’t incredibly impressed with the deals.  Then again, I’ve developed an attitude of only buying things that I need, not lots of cutesie tootsie things, so most of the things I wouldn’t buy even if they were almost free.  Actually, if they were giving it away I wouldn’t want it if I didn’t have a use for it.  But, a couple of aisles down, I found something I do use, canning lids – they looked untouched, unlike most of the shelves in the aisle that were mostly empty.  At 40% off, I figured it would be worth getting some, and it was – the regular mouth lids were .89 a dozen, the wide mouth lids were 1.19 a dozen.  It’s the kind of thing that I’d buy all they had if I could, but it gets expensive pretty quickly, so I only bought about 12 dozen small and 8 dozen of the large.  I’ll check in there again in a few weeks and see if they mark them down anymore. 

    Then I got a couple of kerosene hurricane lamps.  Just last night I ordered some oil lamp converters (I’ll tell you more about them when they get here), so I didn’t really need many of these lamps, even though they were just $2 each.  I bought 10 bottles of torch fuel at $2 each (I’ll check if there’s more of that in a few weeks, too), after calling the company I bought the oil lamp converters from – they said that kerosene and oil can be used interchangeably in the same lamps, just the wick has to be changed between uses.  That was good to know, since I have no experience with these things and didn’t want to buy something that wouldn’t be of any use.  I’ll  keep them as backup lighting for emergencies and to take camping.

    I bought 116 packets of vegetable seeds.  Yes, really.  I’ll have to really expand my garden this year to use all of that!  Well, I’m such a lousy gardener that I won’t have to expand it the way someone who was more competent would, since I seem to have to plant a lot to get a tiny yield.  They were .07 each, and I couldn’t resist; I’ve been looking at seed catalogs online, and though I’d love to only buy open pollinated varieties, it’s not cheap.  I also got canvas and heavy duty work gloves, 8 pairs total.  My husband informed me when I told him what I got that we already have enough work gloves.  Oh, well. 

    Then I found a menorah for my dd14 for next year ($4), and Chanuka candles for .15 and .23 a box, depending on the company.  I bought 20 boxes since at that price it was worth it to stock up for the next couple of years.  🙂  I bought the girls a bunch of ponytail holders – they were 70% off and someone always seems to need something around here, so I figured I’ll get enough that we won’t have to think about running out for a long, long time, like until their daughters come visit and want to use some.  🙂

    Otherwise it was mostly small odds and ends, like a couple of can openers and 4 multi purpose tools; even with all the discounts, I ended up spending more than I would like.  But my dh was glad I got things that we’ll need and use, and he thought it was all very reasonable.  It was really interesting to see what was sold out and what wasn’t touched – I obviously have different taste than most people, since the things I was interested in all had full shelves.

    While I’m not recommending any one store over another, if in your area you have stores that are drastically discounting their prices right now, use this opportunity to buy things that will be useful later on.  But don’t buy things you don’t really need just because it’s ‘such a great deal!’.

    Avivah

  • Cream of tomato soup

    I made this yesterday and it was so quick and simple that I had to share it with you!

    We had an excess of seasoned tomato sauce taking up room in the fridge, and since it was used for dairy, I didn’t want to can it for later use, and I didn’t want to freeze it because then I’d have to remember it was in the freezer so it wouldn’t take up room for ages, forgotten!  When I was thinking about what to do with it, I remembered an idea I read somewhere.  I’m sorry I don’t have an exact recipe, but it was more of a concept than a recipe.

    Basically, you take a can of tomato paste, and then fill the can with milk two or three times to thin it.  If you use a tiny can, you’ll end up with enough soup for one person.  I had maybe 10 cups of sauce (?) that was already thinned out so it wasn’t paste-like.  (If you have tomato sauce, that’s fine, too, you just won’t need to dilute it with milk as much.)  I added a half gallon of milk (I don’t know what came over me last month, because I bought two half gallons of fat free milk, which I never do – but it came in handy today), a little salt and pepper, and heated it up.  So easy!  And so fast!  And – the kids loved it! 

    Usually I would use regular milk, but this was a good way to get rid of the flavorless fat free stuff.  You can also add cream, or a mixture of cream and milk, according to your preference.  If you do add cream, be sure to add it at the very end, and only heat it gently once the cream has been added, or the high heat will curdle it. 

    Avivah