Avivah Werner

Author: Avivah

  • Being open to new information

    My 13 year old daughter spent the weekend with a friend, and when she came back, she told me how healthy the family was.  It’s nice to see other families practicing good nutrition.  The two girls ended up trading back and forth their familial nutritional practices.

    About a year ago, my daughter noticed this friend had a wart on her hand and gave her a suggestion for how to take care of it.  When they spent the weekend together, her friend was pumping her for more natural remedies – why?  Because after she tried what my daughter recommended, the wart disappeared.  So she was eager to get more tips because she saw my dd knows what she’s talking about.  (If you’re wondering, she told her to split open the stem of a milkweed plant and rub the juice on the wart – she’s full of useful information like this. :))

    She told me how surprised she was that her friend actually tried her suggestions.  She said she’s used to her peers not being open to even thinking about things differently, let alone doing something different about them.  When she spent the past summer at overnight camp for four weeks, she had several opportunities to help her bunk mates with simple things like nauseau, stomach pains, etc, but most of them said they’d rather take medicine.  So she quickly learned what the typical response is.  Not very different from adults, is it?  When we’re faced with something different than what we’ve experienced, the tendency is to reject it without further exploration or consideration. 

    But my daughter doesn’t relate to that way of thinking, of being unwilling to learn something new that might be useful just because she never heard of it.   She’s educated herself about natural remedies with her independent reading, and definitely knows more than I do in this area. 

    I think our children pick up the nonverbal messages that we send, by virtue of who we are, and internalize that.  I’m constantly learning about new things and sharing that with my kids.  It seems that every couple of weeks I find another new issue to research and learn more about.  I don’t care if someone is a lay person or a trained professional; if they have knowledge that I could find helpful, I’m open to it.  

    Seeing her confidence in learning and independently applying new information is rewarding to me as a parent.  Actually, it’s been rewarding for everyone in the family, from dealing with car sickness, diaper rashes, dandruff, and lots more!

    Avivah

  • Snacks for kids

    So you might be thinking after all my talk about nutrition that my poor kids have a deprived diet and that you feel pretty bad for them.  Don’t they ever get snacks?  Well, yes.  But not much.  Yep, they’re deprived.  But don’t tell them, because they don’t think so. 🙂

    I make treats for the Shabbos meals, but during the week they mostly stick to three meals a day.  I try to make nourishing meals and make sure that the quantities are sufficient for them to really be full when they are finished.   I want my kids to recognize when they are hungry and not constantly graze.  Too often, we eat because we are bored or out of emotion, and that’s a damaging habit that kids can too easily get into.  I can’t ensure that they won’t become emotional eaters when they are older, but I don’t have to set them up for it from a young age.

    I differentiate between special desserts I make for our weekend meals and weekday snacks.  Usually if I make a snack, it’s because dinner is delayed and I don’t want them being hungry while they’re waiting for dinner to be ready.  Here are some weekday snacks I periodically make for my kids:

    – popcorn (popped in coconut oil or butter)

    – celery with peanut butter

    -trail mix/nuts

    – soft pretzels/breadsticks

    – veggie sticks/fruit

    What kind of things do I make for Shabbos treats?

    – fruit – but usually something different than what I give them for breakfast, like grapes, fresh pineapple, melon – usually cherries wouldn’t be on this list because of the cost but after yesterday’s big bargain, they’re getting cherries with their breakfast until they’re gone!

    – dried fruit

    – nuts

    – home baked goodies – made with nutritious ingredients like coconut oil, honey/sucanat, etc.

    – carob chews/ fudge

    Last night I made a note to myself to try some new recipes this week for snack/desserts: sprouted grain crackers and sunflower seed brownies; if they turn out well, I’ll add them to my culinary repertoire.  🙂

    Avivah

  • Tips for improving dental health

    Since I know that other moms are probably also interested in how to improve their children’s dental health, I thought I would share some information that I’ve found valuable.  First of all, improving dental health is integrally linked with improving the overall state of the body’s health. The state of your teeth is a reflection of what’s going on in your body.  This contradicts the typical way of looking at the teeth as only cosmetic and independent from the rest of the body, but is a very important distinction. 

    The following is what I’ve gleaned from various sources, and made notes on for myself – I’m far from an expert on nutrition.  From what I understand, improving your dental health is a two pronged approach: 1) eliminating/minimizing low quality foods that deplete the nutrients from your body, and 2) adding high quality food that build up the body to your diet. 

    What are foods that should be minimize, and ideally eliminated?  There are reasons that each of the following are problematic, but I’ll just share the list of what to work on for now:
    – sugars/sweeteners
    – hydrogenated fats, margarine
    -iodized salt
    – processed foods
    – pasteurized milk products
    – soy foods
    – unsoaked grains (even whole grains)

    Of this list, I still sometimes use unsoaked whole grains and flour (but I’ve made big improvements in that area!), but otherwise I pretty much have eliminated everything else.

    The body needs both calcium and phosphorus, and a lack of it seems to be the cause of tooth decay. Whole grains and soy foods are high in phytic acid, which bind with the phosphorus and escort a significant amount of the nutrients in those foods right out of your body. Soaking them neutralizes the phytic acid so that your body can benefit from the nutrients in your food.

    Increasing foods that build the body up:
    – bone broths
    – cod liver oil
    – butter oil

    These are the three things I’ve seen most highly recommended to build up teeth. Of these three, I’ve so far only done the bone broths. I use broth quite a bit so that it’s part of our regular diet, even when the kids don’t see it (like to cook rice in). 

    Other good things for general health that also positively effect the teeth and should be included as much as possible in the diet are:

    – raw milk
    – raw butter
    – raw honey
    – sea salt
    – lacto fermented veggies (they strengthen digestion and assimilation)
    – soaked/sprouted/fermented grains and flours
    – pastured eggs
    – saturated fats (animal fats and coconut oil)
    – high quality animal protein (meat, chicken, fish)
    – lots of veggies

     Of this list, I do most of them most of the time.  Sometimes I use supermarket eggs or regular store butter, but otherwise I’ve integrated all of the other suggestions into our diet.  You’ll notice that some of these are replacements for the list of things to eliminate, raw milk for pasteurized milk, sea salt for iodized salt, soaked grains for unsoaked grains, etc.  So it’s more like you’re substituting one thing for another than actually adding new strange things to your diet.

    By the way, as a substitute for margarine and hydrogenated vegetable oil, I use coconut oil.  It perfectly substitutes for shortening.  I also occasionally use extra virgin cold pressed olive oil.  I also render beef/lamb fat and use that to add nutritional value to dishes.  (This is a great irony to me, since this is the kind of thing I used to very much avoid eating, thinking it was bad healthwise.)

    Herbs for strengthening teeth:
    – horsetail, lemon grass, red raspberry, nettle, lemon balm – I’m guessing these are good because of the vitamin c, but I can’t say for sure.

    Avivah

  • Think toothbrushing is crucial? Think again!

    This past week I took all of the kids in for their six month dental check ups.  After my 5 yo was checked, the dentist told me that he’s been doing a good job brushing since everything looked good.  I smiled and said that was nice to hear.  Then the 9 yo was checked, and she told me the same thing.  At that, I had to tell her the truth – that it was more a credit to their diet than to their diligent toothbrushing.

    The horrifying truth is, the 5 yo hardly ever brushes, and the 9 yo isn’t much better.  Yeah, they’re supposed to brush their teeth every night (that’s what I tell them to do after dinner when I send them upstairs to put on their pajamas and get ready for bed- and until very recently I thought that’s what they did), but a few nights before the trip to the dentist, my 9 yo son informed me that it had been weeks since he brushed his teeth.  I’d like to think he has a poor sense of time and meant days, but in the best of scenarios, it wasn’t too regular.

    The dentist couldn’t believe it.  She told me that she can generally tell who brushes well and who doesn’t by the kind of teeth they have, and that she never could have guessed that they don’t brush regularly.  My kids were just totally contradicting her experience.

    Then she checked my 13 yo daughter, who is really responsible about everything, and when it comes to toothbrushing, she never misses a day.  Even when her braces were taken off, all of her teeth were perfectly white – most kids have yellowish marks around the whiter area of the teeth where the braces were.  Anyway, here’s the big irony – she had a cavity.  Miss Perfect Brusher.  Okay, so it was between the teeth and the bracket from her braces kept her from being able to get in there.  But still.  So much for regular brushing being the answer to cavities.  I’m not saying it doesn’t help – but there’s more to dental health than how often you brush.  Think about it – in traditional societies, people never brushed, and in cultures throughout the world, tooth decay was minimal.

    So I told the dentist that my recent research on dental health has led me to believe that this child will always be the most vulnerable of all my kids to cavities.  Why?  Of all my kids, she’s the one with the worst teeth and is not coincidentally the one with whom I was vegan for part of my pregnancy with her. She’s also the one who had very crooked teeth (prior to her braces – her teeth are perfect now) and has hypoplasia on one back molar (this is caused by a malfunction in utero of the formation of dental enamel – you don’t see the results until the teeth emerge but that’s when the quality of it is determined).  I didn’t understand how she needed a root canal at the age of three when I only gave them a teaspoon of sugar daily in their breakfast oatmeal and minimal sweets once a week, otherwise had lots of veggies and whole grains (very little animal protein – just chicken once a week), only gave her water to drink (no soda or juice) – now I know.  She didn’t get the minerals she needed in utero at the crucial time to build strong teeth.  Apparently this is very common to vegetarians and children of vegetarian.  Kids need minerals that they don’t get in sufficient quantity in a vegan diet to develop strong teeth.

    So while I wouldn’t tell my kids not to brush their teeth, it’s certainly overrated, and the role of superior nutrition is virtually never heard about – but it’s the nutrition that makes the real difference!

    Avivah

  • Fun food shopping today

    I had a busy day out today as it was time to restock on raw milk.  This means a two hour drive in each direction, but today was the fastest trip so far.  Often when I get there they don’t have enough gallons already bottled for the amount I need and I wait for them to fill up more for me.  But today they had 20 available and I only needed 18 so I was in and out in a jiffy. 

    Then I stopped off in a grocery store a mile or so away.  Last time I went, I got three cases of organic plain yogurt for $6 a case (50 cents for a quart size container).  That was super great for me since I’ve been using lots more yogurt now that I soak my grains and flours.  (More details about that another time.)   At that time they were overstocked on the yogurt and wanted to move it quickly before it got to the expiration date, and even though I knew it wasn’t likely I’d find the same deal again, I figured it was worth it to quickly pop in and see if there were any bargains, especially since it wasn’t out of my way a bit.  I also noticed last time that they have some of the bulk grains that I usually get at a different bulk foods store an hour away – so I figured, if I could save myself extra driving, all the better.

    They did actually have a super sale on plain yogurt, but not a brand I used.  But I noticed they had cherries on sale for $1.19 a pound.  Who sees prices like that?  I never do.  So I figured I would buy some.  Then I noticed there were cases of cherries next to the display of loose cherries – each marked with a 6.  I couldn’t imagine that could be a price, so I checked with someone working there.  She told me it was – I couldn’t believe it – $6 for 11 pounds of cherries!?!  How was that possible?  Same situation – there was an overstock at a large grocery and they passed it on to this small grocery, who passed it on to customers at these ridiculous prices to get it sold before they can’t be sold. 

    So there was no way I could walk out without a couple of cases.  I would have bought more but I don’t have a cherry pitter (which would make it possible to pit them and freeze them) and I don’t think something ends up being a bargain if it rots before you can use it.  They are fantastic – hardly any with soft spots, sweet and crunchy.  Mmm….

    I filled the rest of my cart with a 50 lb bag of potatoes, 30 lb of whole wheat flour (as backup for times that I don’t have time to grind wheat), 10 lb. steel cut oats, 10 lb popcorn, 3 or 4 lb. slivered almonds, and 15 lb. cornmeal.  It was $60 for everything.  Definitely a productive shopping trip.  🙂

    Avivah

  • Countertop catastrophe and correction

    Our kitchen has been coming along nicely.  My husband ended up being unable to take a day off this past week, which meant that he didn’t have that block of time to get work done that I originally was counting on when I set my ambitious goal of having it all done within 5 days.  And of course when you start a project like this, you end up running into unplanned things that need to be dealt with (like the range hood that we decided to vent outside instead of having all the air recirculate as happens with unvented hoods). 

    But by Friday, all the cabinets were in, the double oven and cooktop were installed, and even the sink was in.  The sink was in, but the pipes weren’t attached….but still, all in all, a very impressive show of accomplishment from my husband, who was working with very limited time.

     So late Friday afternoon, I was warming up some food on high and managed to burn the brand new countertop.  Yes, less than two hours after the installation of the cooktop was finished.  I couldn’t believe it.  I wanted to run out Saturday night and just buy entirely new countertops, but my husband wasn’t excited about that.  He reminded me that we said we would keep this as low budget as possible and one burn mark wasn’t a justifiable reason to go buy another 26 feet of countertop.  So I reluctantly agreed, since my argument ‘once we’re doing all that work, it should look really good’ didn’t really hold up to the cost argument.

    But today dh was measuring to fit the corner and realized that the amount of countertop we bought won’t be enough due to how they needed to be cut.  That was enough to get me started on ‘let’s go buy all new countertops’, which he still wasn’t thrilled about.  But I wasn’t willing to lose countertop space by changing the original plan.  It just seemed to me penny wise and pound foolish to have spent all that money for everything, and then to limit the effectiveness of the layout because of the additional cost.  I’m fortunate that my husband isn’t the kind of person who makes a decision and then sticks to it no matter what – he’s very open to discussion and ended up agreeing that we should just buy new countertops.  So off I went to Home Depot (which sometimes feels like my home away from home.)

    They had four kinds of countertops there, and surprisingly, one of the patterns displayed was identical to what I bought at the building salvage supply place!  I couldn’t believe it.  Even though I would like to buy one of the other patterns more, out of respect to my husband’s concern about the cost, I’ve decided to stick with the current countertop design so that the replacement costs will be limited.  As much as I like asthetics, I value my husband and his feelings more, even if he wouldn’t insist on it.  And it will end up looking very nice, anyway.

    So what we will do is this: replace the burnt counter with the second counter we bought, which doesn’t have a backspash – which is what we should have used in the first place and then we wouldn’t have had a problem with burning the backsplash.   And dh told me when he installed the sink (which is on the same length of countertop) that it would have been much easier if we had used the countertop without a backsplash.  You live and you learn….. 

     Then we’ll only need to spend another $150 – $170 on the remaining countertops from HD.  Then everything will match and I won’t have to look at that burn mark anymore.  Yeah, that’s money, but before we were thinking all the money we spent on the first set of countertops was totally wasted plus we would have to spend another $300 or so for new ones.  It actually ends up that it was really good that we bought the first set of countertops, since Home Depot only sells countertops with backsplashes, unless you custom order.  So our mistake will only cost us about $30, it’s not a big loss like it could have been.

    Avivah

  • Natural diaper rash remedy

    Yesterday morning, when I changed my toddler’s diaper, he was screaming while I was cringing at how red and inflamed his little bottom was.  I haven’t had to deal often with diaper rash, but occasionally it does happen.

    Several days ago, I asked for a suggestion at the health food store, and it was suggested that I use castor oil with some aloe in it.  I didn’t have any aloe, but since I did have castor oil, that’s what I used.  And it worked – except on the areas that it couldn’t reach, specifically where the elastic of the diaper enclosed the inner leg and the inner crack of his bottom (where they specifically said not to apply it).  But now those areas were raw and almost bleeding – it was painful just to look at it.

    So I tried more castor oil, and then put some cloth underwear on him so I would know immediately when he was wet and he wouldn’t have to sit in it for even a few minutes before he was changed.    Then because he was crying that the underwear were rubbing the same place on his upper thighs, I took off the underwear and let him go without anything.  He didn’t like that at all and kept trying to bring me a diaper to put on him, but I thought the air would be helpful.  And maybe it was helpful, but not helpful enough.  Fresh air and keeping the bottom dry are useful suggestions, but they are more effective in terms of prevention.  As a cure for a nasty diaper rash, it just takes too long. 

    He was crying all day, walking in an awkward way to avoid anything touching that area, and only sitting on his knees.  My dh had the van for the day so I had no way to get to a store to buy any kind of ointment.  Finally, I decided to try the natural remedy that my 13 yo daughter has suggested to me several times.  (She’s read a book we have around the house about natural home remedies and has alot of info in her head as a result.)  I couldn’t see how it could work, but I was desperate to do something to help him, so I tried it. 

    The remedy is to brown some flour in a pan and then apply it to the diaper area when it’s cooled down.  That’s the entire remedy.  He had been crying at every diaper change (as well as a good part of the day), but amazingly, as soon as this flour was sprinkled on him, he stopped crying.  Then he started acting more like his usual cheerful self, playing and running around.  When we next changed his diaper, we couldn’t believe the noticeable improvement.   It was late afternoon by the time we tried it, so I only was able to change him once (and sprinkle the flour on) before putting him in for the night.   By this morning, it was much much better – we can see a slight bit of redness, but he has no pain or discomfort at all.  All within a half a day’s time.

    Since flour is something that everyone has in the house, and it takes just a few minutes to prepare this remedy, I thought that I should share something this easy and this effective with you! 

    Avivah

  • Mom wanting adult contact

    >>My situation is this- I yearn for adult conversation
    sometimes! We just moved to an area where there are tons of
    playgroups and Mom and Me activities and whatnot, but I’m not really
    interested in shoving my son (21 months) into all of this. He’s so young, and I just don’t believe that he needs to be around so many other children all of the time. As it is, I meet with a new friend in a park on
    Sunday mornings for an hour and a half or so – she has a 21 month old
    girl. I really do it more for myself than for ds- as much as I
    love being around him, sometimes an entire day will go by and I
    realize that I haven’t spoken to a single adult! (Until my husband
    comes home, that is) I feel like even the park can be too much for
    him when it’s really crowded, as it was yesterday. He gets into
    other people’s bags and toys and I hate saying “no!” to him all of
    the time, even if it is as gentle as I can be, or if it’s actually
    redirecting or whatever. He’s just so young, he doesn’t understand yet.

    I hope I’m being cohesive. It’s not that I need or want a break from
    my son, but at the same time, I would like some adult conversation
    once in a while.<<

    Yes, what you said made a lot of sense.  I’ve had the same dilemma myself at times, even now with older kids.  I really find that peer group interaction is mostly unhelpful but that’s the only time I get to see other moms!  So it’s a balance, weighing your needs and your child’s needs, and trying not to compromise either of you.  But sometimes there has to be a compromise, and then how do you decide what to do?

    I’ll say for starters that I truly believe that ‘if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy’.  I’ve seen too many mothers take this concept to an extreme and justify doing whatever they want regardless of the effect on their children because it makes them feel good and that’s what matters.  But that’s not what I mean.  It means that to be the best parent you can be, you have to be filling yourself up on an ongoing basis.  If you deplete yourself, physically, spiritually, or emotionally, you have that much less to give.  And when a mom ends up burnt out and worn out, she’s likely to be resentful and unpleasant to be around. 

    So I think it’s good to preempt all that negativity and be honest and non- apologetic for having needs.  What your real needs and how you can meet them?  You’re around a very young child all day, and I think it’s really reasonable and understandable to want to touch base with another adult during the course of a day or week or whatever.  What if you went to the park for an hour each day – would that be enough for you to get out and chat with other moms?  When I had little kids, this really helped me. 

    I understand the dynamics you’re describing of the situation that occurs when you do get out.  But let’s put it in perspective:  he has you all day long in an ideal environment.  When you do go out, doesn’t he enjoy himself, too?  Even with you needing to redirect him or stop him from some things?   

    You have to do a cost/benefit analysis – does getting out however often justify the situations you have to deal with as a result of going out?  If it does, then do it, and don’t feel guilty for a second. Think how lucky your husband is to have a wife who’s not desperate to speak to him, and how lucky your child is to have a healthy role model for nurturing one’s self. 

    One suggestion I have is to be very clear and firm about what you don’t want him to do, like go into other people’s bags.  He’s not too young to understand this (my son is the same age so I know it’s possible!).  Once he gets clear on the parameters, you’ll have to do less redirecting and can enjoy your time out more and so can he.  If you aren’t clear, then everytime you go out for the rest of your life (:)) you’re going to be telling him again and again what not to do.  Not fun for either of you.

    Good luck! 

    Avivah
     

  • Ski pants and respecting yourself

    What do ski pants and self respect have to do with each other?  I’ll tell you what happened today and then you’ll know!

    My son told me last week that his high school is having a ski trip. A $60 trip, which isn’t cheap.  I really don’t like all the extracurricular expenses – after all, I’m already paying for private school tuition.  Anyway, the principal called him over to speak to him and told him that because he’s made such a great transition to high school from homeschooling, academically as well as socially, the school is going to pay for his ski trip as a way to acknowledge his effort.  My son was really appreciative and it was nice for him to know that the administration has noticed his effort. 

    So he’s going skiing tomorrow. And my eleven year old daughter has a snow tubing trip planned for this Sunday, with her Girl Scout troop.  That’s being paid for by funds from cookie sales, which is nice, since the girls worked really hard to sell cookies as a troop. Their hard work built this fund that will now pay for some fun troop outings.  Anyway, both of them have grown out of their snow pants/snowbibs (you’d be amazed how someone is always growing out of something here – it could be a part time job just keeping everyone appropriately clothed).  So off I went to the thrift store today to see if I would have any luck finding a couple of pairs.

    While I was there, I bought some other things, and finally got to the checkout.  While the cashier was ringing up my order, I had been holding the store credit I was planning to use for part of the costs, and when she told me the total, handed it to her along with my debit card.  Instead of taking it, she angrily turned around, grabbed her head, and started muttering unpleasantly before turning back to me and angrily telling me that I can only use store credit if it’s given before the order is rung up.

    I smiled at her and said, “You know, you can tell me nicely if there’s something different I need to do.  I shop here all the time so it’s no problem for me to use the credit next time I come in. There’s nothing posted about how to use store credit, and the only way I can know is if you tell me.  But yelling at me isn’t going to help.” 

    Then the woman looked at me and when she realized that I wasn’t being nasty, that I was being nice to her even though she overreacted, she quieted down really fast.  And then she apologized sincerely, and told me she shouldn’t have gotten so upset and she was really sorry about it.  Then she explained that she thought she was going to have to cancel my entire order and re-ring it up.  

    There have been plenty of times when I’ve encountered irate people, like all of us have.  And some of the time, I take it personally.  Most of the time, I don’t respond to the negativity but try my best to be respectful of the person I’m interacting with regardless.  But I’ve come to realize that I need to respect myself as much as I try to respect others to create.  And respecting myself  means appropriately letting others what standards I find acceptable to interact with me, including cashiers! 

    Avivah

  • Saying thank you

    Today the electrician came to wire the kitchen for the electric oven (we had gas until now).  It’s been a while since I wrote about my last experience with this company, but I’ll just say that though the electricians who came were both pleasant, I wasn’t happy with their work.  Because it didn’t work properly.  Plus they made a big mistake that cost me an extra $300 in labor costs, and then it still wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. 

    But I like the owner of the company, and he took care of the problems and took responsibility for it, so I decided to continue using him.  Today they sent a different electrician who was just wonderful.  He was an older man who has been an electrician for over 50 years, and three years ago decided to work for this man so that he didn’t have to deal with paperwork anymore.  He knew what to do, he did everything quickly and efficiently, and he was really pleasant in general.  AND – he straighted out the mess they made of the wiring in the attic and now it all works properly. 

    When he left, I told him how much I appreciated his work, and said that we’ll be requesting that they send him next time we need work done (which will be fairly soon – I didn’t want to do it all today because of the time and expense).  But after he left, I felt that just saying thank you to him wasn’t enough.  So I sent an email to the owner of the company, telling him all the things I just told you.  Why shouldn’t they hear how great their employee is?  And why shouldn’t he benefit by having his employers know that he gave excellent service?

    Taking the time to say thank you is such a small investment, but it makes a big difference. 

    Avivah