Avivah Werner

Author: Avivah

  • Deciding to stop working to be home with kids

    Many of us have been raised to value a career and the status that comes with it more than being home and raising our kids.  Then, when we end up having children, we often end up torn between the strong and deep bond we feel with our children and our desire for recognition and accomplishment (not to mention a paycheck!).

    When my oldest was born, it never even occurred to me not to go back to work. And so I did, when he was 7 weeks old.  It was emotionally hard to leave him with a babysitter, but that was the societal expectation and I never questioned whether mothers of young children should be working.  Then my second was born seventeen months later, and again, I didn’t consider staying home with her, though I did stay home with her five weeks longer than I had with my son before returning to work.  All I thought about was finding childcare arrangements that I found suitable, and how much less money I’d be actually making after paying for two children in almost full time care (7 am – 2:30/3 pm). 

    When I was about five months pregnant with my third, I started thinking about the purpose of working and the quality of my life.  Why was I constantly running, running, running?  I felt like I never could stop moving because there was always something more to do.   That was part of having two children at different caretakers, running from dropping them off to my hour long commute, running in to the office, running back home to pick them up, and then trying to have relaxed ‘quality’ time with them before they went to bed three hours later.  (I can remember being so exhausted at this time that I would sit on the couch reading to my toddler, and falling asleep between each page of the book.  I would be jerked back to awakeness when he tugged on my arm and said, ‘Mommy!”  And then falling back asleep after reading a few sentences.)  I remembering thinking, “When am I ever going to have a chance to smell the roses?” 

    The irony was that I was the kind of person other working mothers would point to as an example of doing it all.  My kids were happy and well-adjusted, my home was always neat, we frequently had guests, and I always seemed happy.  It just goes to show that you can’t assume that what you see from the outside is all that there is.

    As my toddler got older, his childcare arrangements grew more complicated.  He attended a playgroup that was part of a larger school, but it began after I left, so a neighbor was responsible for taking care of him until the school van picked him up.  And it ended before I got home, so I paid yet another neighbor to take him from his school van and watch him in her home until I picked him up.  One day I found out that the neighbor lost track of time and didn’t go get him when he was dropped off from his van, so my then 2 3/4 year old son stood outside the building for ten minutes not knowing what to do (this was a very safe and small neighborhood) until another neighbor saw him and realized what had happened.  When she told me about it, I decided that was it – it was already weighing heavily on my mind about the constant rush-rush, but it was unbearable to think of my child not being cared for and not knowing what to do, while I was over an hour away.

    And on the spot I made the decision to quit working when my third child was born so none of my children would ever need to be in that situation again.  That was just 3 months away….but there were other issues to then deal with – like my fears, finances…to be continued!

  • How to easily skin tomatoes

    When I was in a dorm, my roomate taught me about how to skin tomatoes.  She would always keep some in the freezer, and then pop them into boiling water for a few seconds, and then the skins would peel right off. 

    It’s honestly not something I ever thought justified keeping tomatoes in the freezer all the time, so I only tried it once in over 15 years of marriage.  It was easier to just leave them with the skin on regardless of what the recipe called for.  But I’m always open to an easier way to do things, and I’ve discovered that you can get the same result by putting fresh tomatoes in boiling water for just a few seconds.  Though the instructions I followed last time said to put them in one by one for five seconds each, I decided to see what would happen if I put about 15 or 20 in at a time (because I’m always looking for a simpler way to do things :)).  It worked fine, though I had to leave them in slightly longer. 

    This was especially useful today when I needed peeled tomatoes for the tomator and pepper relish.  And next time I make tomato soup, I’ll be able to do it properly.

  • Kitchen work progressing…

    Yesterday things were chaotic around here.  We had taken down some cabinets and emptied them of everything in them, but hadn’t yet put up new ones to replace them.  Every kitchen surface was covered, the dining room table was full, the living room was filled with cabinets and appliances not yet installed.  After breakfast, no one ate until dinner because there was literally no way to prepare any food.  Dirty dishes couldn’t be washed, because clean dishes couldn’t be put away, so there was no place to put the freshly washed dishes to dry.

    But today is a different story!  Though there’s still lots to be done, it already is looking good.  All of the wall and base cabinets are in place on one side of the kitchen, leaving the other side to work on tomorrow afternoon.  We were able to put away most of the stuff that was out into the cabinets that are up now.  When we finish putting all the new cabinets in, we’re really going to feel like we have lots of storage space.  Two base cabinets and three wall cabinets aren’t yet in (still in the living room, along with a washing machine, double oven, and two cooktops ), and what we have in so far is comparable to what we’ve had until now with the old setup.  Meaning squishy but manageable.

    One of the top cabinets was a microwave cabinet – it has a closed shelf above and an open shelf where the microwave is supposed to go.  It probably won’t surprise you that I don’t use microwaves, because of the health concerns regarding what it does to food.  Since it was deeper than a typical wall cabinet (because it needed to accomodate the microwave), I asked dh to cut it down to match the others.  Now I’m using the open shelf for all my jars of fermented veggies, and the closed shelf above for the empty jars that aren’t in use.  It looks so nice!

    Two weeks ago when I asked dh about buying this set of cabinets, he told me he didn’t want to start a project like this.  Today, he thanked me for taking it on since it’s so rewarding and empowering to do something like this.  I’m very appreciative to my husband for taking this on with such a great attitude.  He commented that especially since we’re doing it as a family project, it builds a nice sense of comaraderie and accomplishment.  The kids are just as excited, if not more excited, as I am to watch it all coming together!  They’re also looking forward to seeing the reaction of their grandparents on Saturday night, when they usually stop in, who were here a week and a half ago and have no idea we’re doing this.  We’re anticipating that they’ll be more than a little surprised when they pop by.  🙂

    Avivah

  • Vegetable bargains

    I popped out to the store today to pick up some refreshments for our homeschooling gathering tomorrow, and when I was there saw some veggies on sale.  There are vegetables on sale, and then there are veggies that are super cheap.  These were in the latter category – on the reduced rack.

    There was a point that I shunned reduced produce racks, thinking they were semi rotten vegetables that the store owner was still trying to crank some profit from.   But I’ve since learned that often there is just an overstock of a given vegetable and they want to sell the produce quickly before it goes bad.  I stay away from produce that looks really bad, since I don’t find it worth my time or money to cut away all the yukky spots. 

    To find these reduced racks, look for small privately owned markets that discount produce substantially when it’s ripe or a little overripe.  I’ve found a local Asian market and a Russian market both have these, along with another local smallish store.The large supermarkets very rarely have these sections -I’ve only twice in years found reduced produce at national chains – both times ripe (not overripe) bananas.  They just throw away anything with imperfections. 

    The challenge with reduced produce is that it has a short shelf life, and you need to use it pretty promptly.  For a family like ours, that’s not usually a problem, since the kids love fruits and vegetables and go through it fast.  But sometimes I’ve gotten carried away by the super cheap prices and gotten too much, and then had to make a real effort to use it so it didn’t go bad. 

    Now that I’ve learned about making fermented vegetables, I don’t have that kind of pressure anymore.  Today I bought a lot of tomatoes and peppers, and then prepared two quarts of tomato pepper relish when I got home (you’d be amazed how many plum tomatoes you have to use to fill up a two quart jar!).  I also added some tomatoes to the batch of salsa I made, which was way too spicy for my taste.  (My policy is to make a recipe the first time as it’s written, so I know what it’s supposed to taste like before I make my adaptations to it.)  It’s nice that I can just add some vegetables to already fermented vegetables and then put it back on the shelf to ferment some more. 

    My dd13 made two versions of cortido (Latin American sauerkraut), using the pineapple vinegar we made as the fermenting agent instead of sea salt for two quarts and sea salt for the other two quarts.  (The pineapple vinegar was interesting and easy to make – you put the core and skin of a pineapple in a jar with some oregano and water to cover, and let it sit out, covered for 3 days.  Then strain it out and voila – pineapple vinegar!) 

    Avivah

  • Buying more power tools

    My husband came home this morning from Home Depot with two new power tools – a hammer drill and a jigsaw drill.  He had planned to rent a hammer drill (since one wall we’re attaching cabinetes to is concrete), but then they told him it was $24 to rent it for four hours.  $34 for the day.  And the cost to buy one?  $60.  Since we’re going to need this again for when we vent the hood to the outside brick wall, it made sense to just buy it instead of renting it for two days and paying $72 plus tax. 

    While he was at it, he picked up a jigsaw to cut the countertop with.  Well, not to cut the countertops, but to cut the spaces for the sink and cooktop in the countertop.  This is one of the prices you pay for doing your own home improvements – an ever growing collection of power tools.  🙂

    It’s pretty amazing when I think that until we bought this house a year and a half ago, we had never done any renovating or remodeling.  My husband could fix a hinge or screw in some blinds, but never did much more than that.  I’m very appreciative to him for agreeing to be involved in all my home improvement schemes.  He’s very busy and wouldn’t choose to spend time or money on these things if it weren’t for me. 

     And me – I didn’t know how to do anything!  I never even used a drill.  Actually, even when we were doing the first projects that I decided on, I was the one telling my dh and son how to do it (because I read the books and studied the situation).  But I still didn’t know how to use a drill myself until after some of kids learned.  Now it’s funny to me how easy so many of these things are to do.  A friend was here a few days ago, and when she heard we were redoing the kitchen, said, “Oh, you know how to do all of that stuff.”  As if I was some kind of long term expert.

    It’s also been another fun area to apply my frugal genius to. 🙂 

  • Egg cracking fun

    My 13 yo daughter prepared five loaves of sourdough bread yesterday, and left them to rise overnight in the oven.  When I got up I turned on the oven, and they were ready in time for breakfast.  Yum!  These were the best yet!  I told you last time that it didn’t rise long enough and it was too hard, right?  Well, these were perfect (or so everyone else in my family said – I’m – sigh- off of flour again).

    They enjoyed it with fresh raw butter.  I get the butter from the Mennonite farmer I buy my milk from.  He has a sliding door refrigerator in the room where he keeps the day’s milk for sale, along with farm fresh eggs from one neighbor and the butter from another.  My kids love this butter – they could eat it like cheese, it’s so good.  But the neighbor doesn’t make it on a large scale, so I’ve never been able to buy more than four pounds, and usually just one or two pounds.  But we love it when we can get it.

    We had the bread and butter along with warm hard boiled eggs.  My 7 yo daughter offered to peel my eggs for me, so I agreed.  She promptly cracked them against her forehead.  Are you suprised that I allow it?  Well, besides the fact that my husband is the one who showed the kids how to do this, they have fun.   And since I think it’s good to encourage a comfortable and fun home atmosphere, as long as they don’t crack raw eggs like this, it’s fine with me!

    Avivah

  • Easy wallpaper removal

    All of my ideas about how I was going to do a really simple kitchen renovation and do things a bit at a time are flying out the window.  That’s thanks to my enthusiastic children asking, “Can we do this?  What about this?” 

     One of the things that they asked about doing was removing the wallpaper borders in the kitchen.  Eventually I wanted to do it, but for now they will still look fine with the new cabinets, so I didn’t see the point of doing it and having unsightly peeling paint that I would then need to repaint right away.

    But then they pointed out that it would be easier to do it now, before the cabinets are up, and when we realized that the cabinets would cover the bottom inch of the borders, I agreed to let them go wild ripping it off.  Turned out it wasn’t as easy and fun as they expected, since it came off in tiny pieces. When I noticed what was going on, I suggested a way to make it easier that I remembered reading about sometime.  I gave them a spray bottle with water and told them to spray the wallpaper and let it sit for a few minutes.  I love when some isolated bits of info that I have floating around in my brain come in handy!)  They tried it, and were able to easily peel off the wallpaper, which was lots more effective and fun for them.  And the bonus for me is that hardly any paint peeled off and I don’t have to tackle the painting right away!

  • Starting newest home renovation project

    It’s been a while since our latest home improvement project, so I decided to take on something big – the kitchen.  I really need more cabinet space – I can’t keep things looking clean because there isn’t enough space for everything.  And I’m not a person who has doubles of everything, or lots of unnecessary dishes – I really don’t.  I dislike clutter and work to constantly weed out things that aren’t being used that take up space. 

    So while the kitchen was more than adequate from the older couple that we bought the house from, it leaves something to be desired for a family of ten.  But I don’t have a huge budget, and the expense of a total kitchen overhaul can’t be justified just because I need some more cabinets.  So I decided to see if I could find a set of used kitchen cabinets that would meet my needs and fit my budget.

    After keeping an eye out for quite a while, I found exactly what I wanted last week.  That wasn’t so easy because my ideal was to find a set that included a cabinet for a built-in double oven, as well as a number of cabinets that only a large kitchen would have.  The number of cabinets I needed alone eliminated most of the sets I found.  I don’t mind in the least buying something used, but I wanted something in excellent condition that didn’t look dated.  That wasn’t easy, either, since lots of sets look like they’re from a certain time period or are in rough shape. This set not only had a large number of cabinets and the oven cabinet, but included also was the double oven, cooktop, and stainless steel double sink. 

    I went to see the cabinets in person, and they were even better than what I was hoping to find.  They were from a kitchen done ten years ago, installed in the home of a then 87 year old man and his wife.  The kitchen was in perfect condition (you can imagine it didn’t get much vigorous use), so I asked the son, who is now living there, why they were redoing the kitchen.  He told me that his father, who’s now 97, has too much money in his estate and they want to redo it now using his money to lessen the tax burden later on as well as boost the value of the home. The problem was the price – the seller wouldn’t set one.  He told me he would take bids from interested individuals and the highest bidder would win. 

    I was fortunate enough to speak to the secretary the first time I called, who told me he would take the highest bid over x dollars.  So that told me his bottom line.  It was more than I had expected to pay, but I felt it was really worth it.  I told him my offer (of course using the figure that his secretary mentioned), and told him I would take the entire set.  But after seeing how nice they were, I wasn’t hopeful that I would be the highest bidder.  I knew I could easily be outbid but my offer was really the maximum I could pay.

    Well, a day later he called me to tell me he was going to sell the set to me.  It seems that lots of people wanted parts of the set, and he could have made more money selling it off piecemeal.  And others were making real lowball offers.  Initially he was going to wait several days and take all the offers, but then after a day and a lot of phone calles, he decided that since I had already made him a fair offer and would take everything, it was too much of a hassle to keep taking more offers that weren’t suitable. So I was the lucky winner! 

    We plan to pick everything up on Saturday or Sunday night – they were still installed when we saw them and we had to wait until his delivery of new cabinets arrived for his contractor to take everything down.  We went shopping yesterday and picked up the countertops at a building salvage store.  Most of the things they use are from homes that have been remodeled and are the items that are pulled out.  But sometimes they have new items that were overstocks or a contractor will have someone who orders something and the order comes in the wrong size, so he gives it to them.  It’s really a matter of luck since it’s not like they have a consistent inventory. 

    It turns out that this week they put all the countertops on sale for 50% of the listed price (which is already very low).  And then amazingly enough, not only did I find the amount of countertops that I needed, they were brand new and exactly what I was envisioning. Because we had 7 of our kids with us, along with 2 other children who were spending a couple of days with us, we couldn’t take it home in the van as we initially expected.  We ended up having to rent a Uhaul, but even including the truck rental, it was a super price.

    I’m really looking forward to getting started now that we have the countertops.  I also bought a used black cooktop since the one that is included with the set is white and my other appliances are bisque.  I’ll sell the white one when I get it.  Those were the main things that I was missing, so now I just need to get some hardware and miscellaneous supplies and we’ll be ready to get started.  My goal is to have the kitchen finished (except for tiling the backsplash) within five days – that includes replacing all of the cabinets, counters, appliances, and sink.  It’s pretty ambitious since my oldest son (who is more experienced at this stuff and installed the kitchenette with me last year for the basement)  is in school all day and dh isn’t home much.  But dh said he’ll take a day off from work, so though it will be a big push, I think it’s doable.  I like big projects, but I don’t like having things drag out.  I just like to envision it, get it going, and get it done!

    Avivah

  • Are pediatricians overstepping parental responsibilities?

    I recently took my 11 yo dd to the doctor for a well child visit, necessary because I needed to have the doctor fill out paperwork for summer camp.  (Last year I decided at the very last minute to send the two oldest and it was very hectic – this year I’m getting everything done well in advance.)   Generally I only take the kids to the doctor if something is wrong, and even that is very infrequent. 

    Things have changed a lot from when I was a kid and went to the doctor.  The doctor would ask me how I felt, look into my eyes and ears, listen to my heart, and take my pulse.  After being weighed and measured for height, that was it.  Now all of that is part of a well child visit, but there’s lots more.  Lots of questions for the child – it was like an interview.  If I had known to expect all of that, I would have told dd about it so it wouldn’t have caught her unaware.  She wasn’t expecting to sit there for so long, answering questions like – do you smoke?  Do you buckle your seatbelt?  Do you eat healthy foods?  What are healthy foods?  Do you listen to your mother?  What subjects do you learn?  What extracurricular activities are you involved in? Do you play with matches?  Do you play with water?  What would you do if a stranger approached you?  Do you have guns in your home?  And on, and on, and on.  These are all things that I’ve taught them about, so there wasn’t any information that I hadn’t discussed with them.  But I don’t think it’s a doctor’s place to ask all of these questions – it smacks of Big Brother and governmental intrusion to me. 

    Obviously the board of pediatrics has determined that parents aren’t doing a good enough job of teaching their children about healthy living, so now it’s their job to do it.  As a parent, I resent this attitude.  If I want to know about gun safety, I’ll take my kids to the experts.  If I want to know about nutrition, I’ll go to those who have training.  I found it especially ironic that a doctor who knows much less than my daughter about nutrition was telling her what to eat.  I’m not minimizing doctors – our pediatrician is wonderful. But nutritional training for doctors is a very tiny part of their training, and most doctors aren’t paragons of health.  I’ve often found it ironic how many nurses and doctors are visibly unhealthy, but they continue to tell everyone else how to stay healthy.

    And what is equally frustrating is that if you question the necessity of this protocol, it makes them suspicious that you are a neglectful parent.  After all, why should a responsible and caring parent mind if a doctor takes the time to ‘educate’ their child about important issues?  But it’s not education, it’s more like screening parents through the answers their children give.  It makes me wonder how often doctors feel the need to notify child protective services when the answers aren’t to their liking. 

    Dd found it a waste of time, and so did I (I found it downright annoying and frustrating, since the doc and I got into a discussion about the supposed benefits of specific vaccines, a topic I try to avoid unless directly asked about it), but the paperwork is signed and that’s what we needed – a simple statement that she was healthy enough to participate in camp activities. 

    Avivah

  • Making lacto fermented vegetables

    This was a new thing that I started doing about three weeks ago, and it’s been very successful.  Like the sourdough bread, I thought it would be a big deal to make, and it’s amazing how incredibly simple it is.

    Let me backtrack a minute and say what lacto fermented vegetables are, and what the benefit of them is.  It’s a natural method of pickling that was used by traditional societies throughout the world until vinegar was created and replaced lacto fermentation because the results were easily duplicated and consistent.  But vinegar kills all the microorganisms, while lacto fermentation enhances the nutritional value of vegetables by enhancing the growth of lactobacilli, which enhances the vitamins, aids digestion and helps produce other helpful enzymes.  Lacto fermented veggies are a good addition to any meal because they help all the foods be better digested.

    So here’s how incredibly easy it is: you take a quart sized jar, chop or shred up the vegetables you want to ferment, and pack it in as firmly as possible so that the juices of the vegetable(s) cover the top.  If there isn’t enough juice for that, you add some filtered water to cover.  Add some spices if you want.  Put in some sea salt at the top (I use Celtic sea salt for this), close the lid, and voila – after two days to three days your veggies are ready.  That’s the basic process in a nutshell. It took me making about six different recipes to realize that it was all this basic process, since there were little variations of ingredients and spicing for all of them.

    Using this basic process, we’ve so far made: cucumber pickles (my 5 and 7 yo kids did these), pickled tomatoes and peppers, ginger carrots, kimchi (so far the favorite), beets, roasted red peppers, turnips, sauerkraut, preserved lemons, salsa, horseradish, garlic, daikon, and a veggie mix of my own creation (second favorite).  A bonus is that they look very attractive lined up on the kitchen counter.  🙂

    Though they can be ready in as few as 2 – 3 days, they can stay out for lots longer than that.  That’s nice because there aren’t suddenly lots of pickled vegetables that all have to be eaten at the same time.   And I don’t know about you, but I often find that I don’t serve as many salads or fresh veggies at mealtimes because of the time it takes to prepare.  Now even at my busiest, I can whip out two or three of these at mealtime – no preparation needed but to put it in a serving bowl!

    I’ve also made pineapple vinegar, but have yet to use it for anything.  I’m planning to use it for salad dressing and for some of my next batch of fermented vegetables, but I still have about 8 jars on the counter, fermenting away, so I’m not rushing to make any more right now. I combined the two quarts of preserved lemon into one jar when it was finished and drained out a bunch of the liquid for salad dressing – it’s delish!  I’ve been using it every day by itself as dressing for my lunchtime salad.  Since I poured it into a salad dressing container (there was just a little of the original stuff left so I poured it out to make room for this), everyone, guest included, has been using it on their salads and is none the wiser.  🙂