Avivah Werner

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  • Cutting food costs to build savings, weekly menu plan

    In the next 3.5 years, we’ll be making three bar mitzvas (the first of which is five months away).

    Not only that, in the next 1.5 – 2 years, two of our children are likely to start dating for the purpose of marriage, which means funding two more weddings.

    Those are all substantial expenses.  You can make frugal bar mitzvas and be cost conscious about weddings but frugal still isn’t free. Not at all.

    During a recent conversation with my husband, we both agreed we’d like to be more intentional about our spending in order to increase our savings towards these big expenses.

    Did you know that food is the second biggest expense for most people, after their mortgage/rent payments?  That’s why it makes sense to look at your spending on food if you want to create some financial leeway.

    No, being more frugal with shopping and cooking alone won’t create tens of thousands of shekels of savings in two years but nonetheless, there’s a lot more saving potential in the small things than you might think!

    So with that in mind, I’m setting a goal for myself to cut our food costs and channel the savings into, well, savings!

    I find menu planning in the winter so much easier than in the summer, since thick stews and filling soups are appreciated by everyone!

    Here’s the menu plan for this week:

    Sunday: l – pitas with butter; dinner –  crustless turkey pot pie and kasha

    Monday: l – bean burgers; d – salmon chowder

    Tuesday: l – white bean shakshuka; d – ground beef sauce with spinach and baked potatoes

    Wednesday: d – winter lentil soup

    Thursday: d – chicken chili with white beans

    You’ll notice that I haven’t planned out every meal – that’s because I sometimes use leftovers from dinner for lunch.  When I purposely cook double, I put it in the freezer for a meal a week or two later.

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    Last week ds11 and I went to pick up our order for 20 kg of coconut oil at the baking supply store I periodically order from.

    I heard about a different wholesale store and since it was just 20 km away from the baking supply store (well at least on the map – naturally it took longer than I anticipated), decided to check it out after picking up the coconut oil.  It was reminiscent of the bulk shopping trips I used to make in the US, though smaller in scale, and I appreciate now having a car makes this a doable outing.

    This store sells only bulk quantities and though the price difference on some items was unimpressive, on others it was significant. It was an exhausting shopping trip and while at first I wasn’t sure I would go back because it was so frustrating that they didn’t have prices or the minimum necessary purchase listed on lots of items nor could anyone working there other than a cashier help. But next time I’ll go early in the day when I’m better rested and I’ll know what to expect.

    I’ve been trying out new recipes lately to integrate more beans into our family meals. So far all the new experiments have been very well received.

    I’ve shared before about how helpful it is for me to soak and then cook large quantities of beans at one time, then to freeze them into portion sizes for easy use when I want to use them to cook with. It bears repeating since it’s a huge time and money saver!  (I’ll try to write about how this can be a starting place for a snowball savings.)

    Dd22 opened up my freezer when she visited, and when seeing my bags of cooked beans and mashed bananas lining the freezer door commented that my freezer looks like hers, but in larger quantities! She’s grown up with these strategies so I suppose they’re second nature.

    Another thing I regularly do is purchase a large quantity of gizzards. They are inexpensive pound for pound since there are no bones, very nutritious and very versatile. I usually cook up about 8 kilos of turkey gizzards, and a similar quantity of chicken gizzards.

    Once they’re cooked, I slice the turkey gizzards and shred the chicken gizzards (using a food processor – I used to do it by hand and it took way too long!), then freeze meal sized portions. It’s so easy to pull it out for meals – I use shredded chicken in place of ground beef, and the sliced turkey in place of other dishes that call for a larger cut. For 208 shekels, I have between 16 – 20 family meals of cooked chicken ready to be used.

    Avivah

     

  • Aliza Bloch and the power of a vision

    Aliza Bloch and the power of a vision

    Here in Israel we’ve just wrapped up the voting across the country for various local positions.

    I’m not going to go into the politics of the elections – that’s not relevant to most of you. But what is of interest is to see an inspiring model of a person who actualized a vision that seemed like a fantasy, something that could never happen.

    Dr. Aliza Bloch wanted to become the mayor of Beit Shemesh and change how things were being run.

    When she announced her candidacy five months ago, the announcement was met with great skepticism and disinterest. No one wanted to challenge the incumbent since after the last election, it was accepted as fact that a non-charedi candidate couldn’t win. By sheer number of votes, the charedi voters of the city would determine the outcome and obviously they would vote.

    Aliza Bloch wasn’t charedi. Not only that, she was a woman – and there’s never been a female mayor of this city in all of its decades. She didn’t have a chance. And that was why there was so much skepticism and apathy regarding her candidacy.

    But Dr. Bloch believed differently. She spent hours almost every day for five months knocking door to door, meeting people one at a time, meeting with small groups in neighborhood after neighborhood, listening to concerns, formulating a plan and sharing her vision.

    Not only that, she began the work of planning for the actions she would take once she was elected, reaching out to businesses, planning initiatives to bring income into the city – preparing to implement her vision when she was elected.

    Laughable, isn’t it? To prepare for the impossible that everyone else can clearly see can’t happen?

    Except that as people got to know her, they began to believe her vision. Her personal vision became a vision shared by thousands of people.

    Two days ago, our city held elections. It was a race that was neck and neck, and when all the votes were counted that evening, the votes were in: the incumbent mayor won by 101 votes (out of over 40,000).

    So it was over. She lost. So much for her vision.

    Except then  it was announced that the votes of several groups hadn’t yet been counted – and when those were all accounted for a day and a half later, Aliza Bloch was 533 votes ahead.

    At 3 am this morning it was finally official – Dr. Aliza Bloch was announced as the new mayor of Beit Shemesh.

    For me, watching this campaign has been a living example of what it looks like have a mental picture of what you want to achieve, and then consistently work towards that goal, stick toward your goal and never stop believing in your vision.

    Avivah

  • Tips for eating healthy on a budget

    There is a commonly expressed frustration about how expensive it is to eat healthy on a budget. And it’s true that specialty products and organics tend to be quite pricey.

    While in the US I had different shopping techniques and resources that dramatically cut my cost on even those specialty foods, there are some basic tips that apply wherever you live.

    • Eat simply.  Stay away from specialty ingredients, and stick to the basics. I don’t try to serve meals that will grace magazine pages – I want food that will be filling and nutritious for my family.

    For example, for breakfast I mostly make hot cereal (oatmeal, polenta, rice pudding) or eggs. There was a long period during which I made quick breads, muffins and breakfast casseroles but I don’t have the energy or additional kitchen helpers for that now.

    For Shabbos breakfast I make granola, yogurt (for 23 shekels I can make close to four liters with minimal time and effort( or buy cornflakes (I get 1.5 kilos of cornflakes for 20 shekels – this is enough for two or three weeks for our family.) Nothing exciting but it’s affordable, filling and tastes good.

    Sample costs: for oats and rice I pay 10 shekels for 1.4 kilos, polenta is 10.90 a kilo. I use up to half a kilo to make enough for a generous breakfast when everyone is home (a third of a kilo is plenty otherwise). This is a maximum of 5.50 shekels for my biggest batch, which is enough for 8 kids, four of whom eat adult quantities.  I pay 24 shekels for 30 eggs (80 agurot per egg) – the younger kids eat two, the older kids have three each.

    • Know what prices are so you can recognize a good deal. Over the holiday season, chicken prices went through the roof. A couple of weeks later, my husband bought some whole chickens that he thought were a good price. They were a very good price – for the holiday season. The price was only okay two weeks later.

    Many years ago I created a price book to get a clear idea of how much I was paying for each ingredient that I cooked with per pound. It was super helpful to get this kind of clarity. While I don’t have the need to do that now, I have a pretty good sense of what a good price is for most of the items I regularly buy.

    If you don’t have any idea what a good price is, take some time to create a price book. It’s basically a listing of how much you pay per unit for each item that you regularly purchase. It’s really worth it – it will give you the confidence to know when something is a really good price or just an average price.

    • Buy on sale. Many stores have weekly loss leader sales. Right before the holiday season I bought about 20 whole chickens because the price was so good. The butcher told me that the store owner was selling the chicken for four shekels a kilo less than the price he paid for it!

    Why would he do that, you might wonder? To get people into the store, since most people will buy other things not on sale once they’re already there. I have saved so, so much money like this. It’s always interesting to me that I shop in the same stores as everyone else but I spend much less – this is one reason why.

    Here’s an old post of mine on tips for saving on food – they are still useful!

    • Buy seasonal. Whatever is grown in that season will be less expensive. 

    If you pay attention, you’ll start to notice seasonal trends – for example, cabbage and avocados are getting very cheap right now, at the same time that tomatoes and cucumbers are going up.

    That means that for example, though in the summer months I make lots of tomato salad, in the winter I shift to other vegetables.  in the winter tomatoes are out of season and the price goes up, so I shift away from tomatoes. I hardly use avocados once the weather is warm but use loads in the cool weather! This is one reason I don’t have a yearly menu plan – because that would necessitate buying ingredients regardless of the pricing.

    • Stock up when the prices are low. It’s worth finding some extra pantry space so you’ll have a place to store things so you can stock up when the prices are low. There are things you know you’ll need week after week – why spend more than you have to?

    Don’t think that means that your budget will go wild – it won’t. Some weeks you’ll buy more of one thing, other weeks you’ll buy more of something else. It all balances out.

    Stocking up also applies to perishables. While it’s not practical to buy massive amounts of fresh produce if you’re not going to be able to use it before it goes bad, consider preserving it in some way (freezing, drying, canning). This week I saw ripe bananas marked down to 2.50 shekels a kilo – I bought two cartons full. As soon as I got home, they were peeled, mashed and frozen in two cup portions for future use in baked goods and shakes.

    Here are some examples of things that can be preserved and how to do them – if this interests you, I have separate categories in the archives with many posts on specific food preservation projects I did.

    Making strawberry jam and canning cherries bought on sale

    My first canning experience – turkey bought on sale

    Canning to the rescue – preserving produce before it goes bad

    Explaining food dehydration

    • Buy in bulk. There are some items that are much cheaper when bought in bulk. For me these are mostly specialty ingredients – things like raisins, peanuts, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds, shredded coconut, coconut flour, almond flour, coconut oil.

    But make sure you know what a good price is – don’t assume that because it’s being sold in bulk it’s cheaper. Often it is, but sometimes the savings is so small that it’s not worth the extra storage space or the large initial financial outlay.

    How to buy in bulk

    Buying in bulk through supermarkets

    Add legumes. Beans are super affordable and versatile. There are many, many ways to serve them and they can extend your food budget considerably. That makes more room for the pricier foods that you’d like to include.

    How to get kids to eat beans

  • Trehalose – supplement that melts brain plaque and improves cognitive function

    I’m a proponent of biomedical healing, which very simply means, identifying the imbalance inside the body and then treating it with appropriate foods and nutritional supplementation. This can lead to significant health improvements or even complete restoration of one’s health.

    Today I want to share about trehalose.

    Trehalose is a supplement that dissolves beta amyloid plaque, the plaque found in the brains of those with Alzheimers.  It’s well-established that most adults with T21 who have not had preventative supplementation will develop Alzheimers.

    When your child is young, thinking about cognitive decline in adulthood seems far away. As the parents of several children in their twenties, I can tell you that the years go by much faster than you would believe when your children are young.

    Not only that – I’ve seen first hand reports from parents of children with T21 beginning this cognitive decline  in their first and second decades of life.  In the video below, Dr. Skowron shows the audience a slide of a brain scan from a four month old with Down syndrome that already has these plaques on it. That is downright terrifying.

    So if you’re a parent of a young child with Trisomy 21 (or autism), this isn’t information that is applicable in the distant future. It’s relevant right now.

    Here’s an excellent talk by Dr. Jared Skowron – Dissolving Amyloid Plaques in Autism and Down syndrome. He makes what are usually dry and complex topics easily understandable and interesting.

    In a Facebook group that I’m on, I also see parents of young adults with T21 seeking help for their cognitive decline. Reading their descriptions of how much their child’s function has changed for the worse is heartbreaking. But what is incredibly heartening is to watch these same parents posting improvements and reversals of the decline as they add the appropriate biomedical supplements to their child’s diet. Trehalose is an important (though not the only) addition.

    Trehalose is a white powder that is half as sweet as sugar that is easily added to food or drinks. I add trehalose to Rafael’s bottle along with his other supplements; I add it to a serving of unsweetened applesauce for Yirmi every morning before he goes to school, together with his supplements. I give it to them to prevent the plaque forming and causing damage in the first place.

    A really nice side benefit of adding trehalose for us has been that they no longer resist taking their supplements, some of which have an unpleasant flavor. You know the saying, “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down”? 🙂

    Where can you buy trehalose?  I got my first order of trehalose from Amazon; it was $16.49 for a pound. Someone brought that to Israel for me when she came. Then I had the opportunity to buy lift space and I made a purchase of 25 kg from bulksupplements.com.  That was $149 for 55 pounds of trehalose, so obviously it’s significantly less expensive to buy it in larger amounts. Since I don’t know of anywhere in Israel to buy trehalose I was glad to have an opportunity to stock up. (In case you’re wondering, I don’t benefit financially if you click on these links.)

    Though I’m sharing about trehalose in the context of supporting the health of a child with Trisomy 21, this has obvious application to those who are suffering from dementia.

    Trehalose is inexpensive, tastes good and has major benefits….pretty amazing stuff!

    Avivah

  • Kitchen progress, my new tiling project just for fun

    Kitchen progress, my new tiling project just for fun

    After an extended push during the summer for a couple of weeks to get our kitchen renovation done, we were left with a lot of details remaining when the school year began.

    As much as I wanted everything finished asap, I made the decision to consciously slow down and not be uptight about things taking longer than I wanted.  The intense non-stop pace of the initial project was incredibly draining and I didn’t want to burn myself or my boys out getting it all finished.

    It was a good choice to make, because it allowed me to set things to the side during the busy start of school year period, followed by the non-stop busy holiday period. I was able to do the things I needed to do then without stressing about the unfinished kitchen and bedroom work.

    My eleven year old son told me a couple of days ago, “I like how we’re working on the house now. It’s not so fast but it’s not pressured and it’s actually fun.” Exactly.

    When I allow myself the time and don’t tell myself I should have gotten it all done already, I enjoy doing the renovation work! My current attitude is that it will all get done when it gets done, and it’s okay for it to take as long as it takes. I can’t tell you how freeing that is.

    This past week I glued on laminate strips to the exposed cabinet surfaces in the kitchen and tiled half of the toekick surface (the toekick is the recessed surface under the kitchen cabinets). I planned to finish the toekick tiling today but we ran out of glue. Oh, well, another day. While the kitchen and bedroom are fully functional, what remains are the small aesthetic details like these, and getting these done make a big difference!

    I also tiled the backsplash behind the stove late Thursday night. That was a gift to myself, to have something nice to look at while cooking for Shabbos the next day. 🙂

    I spent the last of my renovation budget before I bought tiles for the kitchen walls. While I didn’t want to leave the area untiled because water could drip between the cabinets and the wall and also the bare walls aren’t attractive, I’m committed to living within my financial means. That meant waiting until we have more money set aside to complete the tiling rather than putting it on a credit card.

    I figured we would silicone the gap for now. I then ‘happened’ to be purchasing a completely non-home improvement related item from a private seller. We were chatting about why she was selling it and she mentioned decluttering her storage area. She also said she had a large number of tiles she was selling. Tiles, hmm??

    Though I didn’t expect to find anything, I came back the next day to take a look in the daylight. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she had a large number of cream subway tiles that were just the right match for my kitchen. I was able to buy them for a very good price, using just 100 shekels from my weekly food budget to buy all the tiles I needed for the kitchen.

    (They were such a good price that I decided to use 400 shekels of discretionary personal funds – birthday money from years ago! – to buy more tiles to tile the porch walls, a project that isn’t necessary or at all related to the kitchen/bedroom renovation but one I want to do for my own enjoyment.)

    After buying these tiles I then went to the tile store to find some tiles that would be a focal point to add visual interest over the stove. However, after an hour of looking at every single tile in the store, I still couldn’t find anything suitable (the ones I liked most were also really expensive – as in, 80 – 200 shekels per tile!). The challenge was that I needed something to match the cream of the tiles and the gray of the countertop, but the tiles were either gray and white toned and wouldn’t match the cream subway tiles, or were cream and brown, and wouldn’t match the gray countertop. Dilemma.

    A day later I was setting up a tile sample for the porch walls and asked my husband for his opinion. I had purchased nine patterned tiles from the same private seller with the intention of staggering them along the center porch wall, but was thinking of doing a more interesting tile pattern in cream and not using the patterned tiles at all. Combining the two different tile sizes was complicated and would necessitate a lot of tile cutting, and tile cutting would make my just-for-fun project not so fun.

    My husband agreed that sticking to only cream would be best for the porch, and suggested I used the patterned tiles instead for the kitchen backsplash. Amazingly, these grayish brownish tiles that I already purchased but had never even considered for use in the kitchen (that the seller told me had been ridiculously expensive) were the perfect match and the perfect quantity!

    kitchen backsplash

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    The reason I consider tiling the porch walls a personal fun project is that there’s plenty of space to work with no one needing to use that space and no need to be exacting in the details – all factors that don’t exist in the inside renovation work.

    Here are what the porch walls looked like before tiling – when we moved here the walls were peeling and horrible. I’ve spackled and they look much, much better – but pleasant to look at they aren’t!

    porch walls before

    Below is the first wall that I began tiling – this wall was the most unsightly and I’m sorry I didn’t get a picture of it before I began! I intend to complete all the tiling before doing the grouting. It’s been so enjoyable to work on this this….the boys came outside to sit with me and asked if they could help. That’s the secret to getting kids to want to work with you – when they see you enjoying yourself they want to get involved, too.  🙂

    porch walls after

    I have about fifteen meters of tiling to do on the porch –  so far I’ve done about two so there’s plenty left to work on!

    Avivah

  • What did I tell the grandmother whose children want to give up baby with T21?

    October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month and I’d like to share about a call I received this afternoon.

    The call was from a grandmother of a new baby with Trisomy 21. The baby’s parents want to give him up for adoption (it would probably be long term foster care) because the father says he is too sensitive for a child like this. Currently the parents are at home and the week old infant is in the hospital.

    Rafael - 10 weeks old
    Rafael – eleven days after homecoming

    She is very unhappy with their position and has unsuccessfully tried to convince them to keep the baby. The parents aren’t yet open to speaking to anyone, so I let her know that if some point they want to speak or come visit and meet our boys, I’d be happy to do that.

    The last time I spoke to a grandmother in this situation was two years ago, Baby M’s grandmother. One thing I gained from that very painful and drawn out situation that left me feeling like part of my heart was ripped out, was the increased ability to detach emotionally and release judgments of those choosing to give up their child with Down syndrome.

    I told the grandmother that anything I tell her about having a child with T21 is preaching to the choir – we’re in agreement.  If you’re wondering some of what I might say, here are a couple of past posts:

    What I would tell new parents of a baby with Down syndrome

    Questioning reasons for giving up a baby with Down syndrome

    Things we did to help our baby with Down syndrome thrive

    Rafael, two weeks after coming home
    Rafael, a week and a half after coming home

    What I feel is most important is not to try to convince these parents, who are right now in a state of shock and confusion. They need time and support to feel all of their feelings and to know that all feelings are allowed. They are understandably afraid of the unknown and overwhelmed.

    As a foster mother who was blessed to bring home a newborn with T21, I can’t tell you how much compassion I have for these parents. I sometimes think of the trauma that Rafael’s birth parents experienced and the difficult emotions that must continue to be part of their lives, whether repressed or expressed.  When parents give up a baby, the baby is gone but the emotions aren’t.

    20170220_214324

    It’s hard to listen to people you love contemplating taking actions that you don’t support and can’t condone. But that’s what these parents need most right now – someone to really listen to them without judgment and without telling them what to do.

    Only when they feel truly heard will they be able to listen to and consider any other information or perspectives. Does that mean at that point that they will agree with the grandmother’s perspective and keep the baby?  No.

    We don’t listen to people with the intention to get them to do what we want. We listen to them because we care about their feelings and want them to be truly heard.

    Even when it’s hard.

    Especially when it’s hard.

    Avivah

  • In search of a school for ds12

    In search of a school for ds12

    The latest around here is that we’re looking for a school for my 12 year old son for this year. Yes, I know the school year has already started. No, it’s not fun trying to find a place for a student this age!

    Someone who knows my son told me, “I think any school would be lucky to get E. as a student, he’s such a special boy.” Yes, he would be an asset to whatever class he joins but he would have to be accepted to be an asset.  And that is the challenge we’re facing right now.

    The school I was interested in has a very full class. They also have a principal who is a wonderful person and who when meeting my husband, told him, “I think homeschooling is the worst possible educational choice.” Ahem. Oh, yes, and would you now like to accept our homeschooled child to your school?

    We’re being told that our son isn’t academically on par with the class in gemara (Talmud) and the gap is so huge that it would be a hopeless endeavor for him to catch up. This was based on a casual conversation in which the seventh grade teacher asked him about what he’s currently learning. It’s true that there’s a gap – he hasn’t yet started gemara and these boys started a year ago.

    My husband sat in on a class and is convinced it’s quite doable for ds to catch up. Since he learns with him regularly and not only knows his abilities but also has no desire to put our son in a learning environment that would be overly pressured and demanding for him, I trust his assessment.

    Though initially the seventh grade teacher said he would be willing to take ds12 if the principal agreed, the principal now says that the teacher says it would be too complicated to take him.

    Too complicated to take a very bright, motivated boy with a strong desire to learn, no behavior or academic issues to remediate and parents who have committed to supporting him in catching up? I don’t think they’re making excuses (at least I hope they’re not making excuses because I don’t like to be cynical). I’m sure they believe that a one year gap is just too much to bridge.

    I don’t think it’s too much.  And it’s not because I’m a pushy mother, because I’m not. I just think it’s a realistic challenge that he can meet.

    When we moved to Israel my then twelve and a half year old son was in a similar situation, but he had the additional challenge of not speaking Hebrew nor reading as fast as a native Hebrew speakers did. (He had the advantage of there only being one Talmud Torah school option so the school couldn’t easily refuse to admit him since where else would he have gone?) He spent the first year figuring out what was being said, he spent the next year – eighth grade – understanding the language as well as the content and excelling academically.

    A homeschooling mom said something to me that is very true and relevant – that they don’t have any idea what a motivated homeschooler is capable of.

    Someone else said something very true and relevant – in Israel the schools often won’t tell you an outright ‘no’ – instead they stonewall you until you give up.

    In any case, we’ve decided not to put all of our eggs in one basket. Though I really did feel this school was a good fit for us for a number of reasons, I have much more peace of mind when I allow G-d’s plan for me to unfold rather than pushing to get my plan implemented.  We’ve taken enough action on this front that if it’s meant to be, it will.

    So we’ve started looking into other options.

    One nice thing about these initial inquiries is that I may have found a school that could be a good choice for ds9 and ds11 for next year. That school isn’t an option for ds12 but knowing there’s an option like this for them it takes some pressure off of us to find a school for ds12 that would be a good fit for them all. (The three of them are very different learners.)

    I’ve been asked how I determine when to send a child to school. Well, for ds12 it’s a matter of him being extremely ready for the challenges and opportunities that school will provide, particularly with advanced Torah learning and I think he will thrive with some added academic challenge and stimulation.

    For the other two, I think they’ll also be very ready next year. But as much as them being ready…. I’m ready.

    shifting paths

    I’ve been homeschooling for a long, long time. For most of that time, I’ve really enjoyed it. (Let’s be honest, it’s not always a picnic!)

    But now, something is shifting in me. It’s not a feeling of burnout. It’s deeper and different than that. It’s a feeling of moving towards completion in this area.

    I’ve always said that I wasn’t committed to homeschooling forever, but that every year we look at what is best for each child, and that continues to be true. I’m not rushing to end this homeschooling stage of life, but simply sharing what has been an increasingly strong feeling over the past months.

    I’ll keep you posted on our current school search!

    Avivah

  • When G-d wants something to happen….it does

    Yesterday morning I was crossing the parking lot at the hardware store when a pickup truck suddenly began rapidly backing up. I was looking in the other direction to check if any cars were coming from the anticipated direction when the the worker right behind me who was carrying part of my order to my car yelled out in alarm. I stopped just in time to avoid being hit – the item in my left hand that was swinging forward hit the truck and the rest of me was less than a step away.

    I’m very, very careful about pedestrian safety, especially after several years ago being hit by a car that had stopped to let me and my son cross at the crosswalk, then drove into us when we were halfway across. But being careful wasn’t enough. Not at that crosswalk and not at the parking lot yesterday. My efforts and caution couldn’t keep me safe. It was clearly only because Hashem didn’t want me to be hit by a car that I wasn’t.

    Later that day when I heard the horrible, tragic news of the murder of Ari Fuld in Efrat, I had a similar jolt. Ari was an extremely passionate and well-known advocate for Israel, a paramedic, army reservist, karate instructor, a person filled with kindness and concern for others who was constantly finding ways to support those in need. A person almost larger than life in his accomplishments and his efforts to protect the Jewish people. The last person who ‘should’ have been killed by an attack like this. (He was stabbed in the back when shopping and unbelievably chased his attacker and shot him before collapsing, preventing him from attacking anyone else.)

    It’s only because Hashem decreed this would happen – on Rosh Hashana just a week ago -that it could happen.

    This year I’ve felt somewhat removed from the Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur spirit; a time of reflection, prayer and humility. Until yesterday. Yesterday was a very sobering day.

    It’s a gift to leave our homes in the morning and for all of our family members to return safely and unharmed later in the day. Yesterday, I returned to my family just as I had left. Ari Fuld didn’t.

    As Yom Kippur approaches, may we all merit to be signed and sealed for the good for the coming year.

    Avivah

  • Rafael is standing! – video

    I haven’t yet taken a picture of our kitchen renovation, which is still in process and I’m wating until it’s a bit more complete before sharing. But you’ll get a glimpse of it in this short video on a busy erev Shabbos of Rafael standing up!

    Rafael is now 20 months old and is doing great in every way! His latest thrill is practicing standing up on the edge of the couch or bed (he climbs up himself), causing everyone in his vicinity to simultaneously gasp and lunge for him. He falls forward at the very edge and then looks at us all with a huge grin while we’re taking deep breaths to calm ourselves!

    You’ll see the grin I’m referring to in the video below. 🙂

     

    When I see children learning to stand or walk, what always strikes me is how they have an intrinsic desire for mastery. They don’t get discouraged that they can’t yet do it. They want to go beyond what they already know, and keep trying and trying until they do it.  And they enjoy it along the way!

    I’ve often thought how we could benefit by adopting a similar attitude to learning new skills, especially when we fall short. Rather than shame or blame themselves for not knowing how to already do it better than they do, these little learning dynamos just get up and try again with a smile.

    Avivah

  • Embracing transitions- renovations, slowing down, starting school

    Have you been wondering where I’ve disappeared to?? This has been my longest absence from blogging in twelve years!

    It’s been a busy summer and while there were lots of good things, it was unusually challenging. Our DIY renovation added a huge amount of work and upheaval – every single item from every single room in our home except one was moved and the new spaces for some of those things still aren’t ready for them.

    It’s been a big transition for us all.

    I enjoy doing hands on activities, but while doing the actual renovation work I still needed to cook, clean, do laundry (without a sink for two weeks, without a washer for two separate weeks), buy groceries, etc – while also needing to oversee the project, constantly buy more supplies (the workers in several building supply stores all know me by now!) and teach the younger boys how to do the various renovations tasks…

    I also still have these lovely children to be a mother to and that doesn’t mean constantly asking them to do yet another task or trying to meet their needs as fast as I can so I can get on to a job that is waiting to be done. My biggest effort in the midst of everything going on and all the emotions being expressed,was to still be a decent person to live with. That’s a big job when there is so much stress being experienced by so many people!

    As far as how things are progressing – the bulk of the main work is finished and the new kitchen is fully functional. Yay! (When the sinks were finally in I felt like I was living in luxury!) Yes, I owe you all a picture!

    There are still a number of small details before it will be completely finished. As much as I really, really want it all done, I made the decision to set further work aside until after Rosh Hashana. It was frustrating trying to get any work done with our youngest two boys around and when I tried I often had the feeling of two steps forward, one (and sometimes two!) steps back!

    In addition to working with young children around (have you ever tiled a floor while living in a home and keeping your children off those tiles for 48 hours while the glue and then the grout sets?), things kept happening that diverted my energy or physically made it impossible to move forward with the intended renovation work, day after day: several of the boys were knocked out by a stomach virus, a very sick baby for three weeks, falling on a nail and not being able to move one hand for a week, badly smashing a finger in sliding door, spending thirteen hours in Jerusalem at the emergency room with a child who got plaster in his eye (and having the car overheat on the way there and then got a flat tire on the way home)….

    There were so many unusual things happening one on top of another, that it became clear to me that Hashem (or maybe my unconscious) was giving me a message: slow down or I’d be forced to slow down.

    Though I wanted everything DONE – what I really, really needed was to put my endless list of things to do aside and give myself a mental break by not thinking about all that still needed to be done.

    Even with all of the challenges, I’m so happy to have tackled this project! By taking some time off from the work I’m able to breathe and look at what a huge accomplishment this has been instead of getting caught up in all the little details remaining.

    I’m really pleased with how the new kitchen is shaping up and how much more spacious our main area is. One huge benefit that I didn’t anticipate is that I can now be working in the kitchen and still be involved in whatever the kids are doing.

    ——————————-

    Last week Rafael (20 months) started at day care; it’s a wonderful program with full inclusion and he will have his own assistant for two hours each morning to help him participate fully in the activities. He will also be getting therapies there and the therapists will give instructions to his personal assistant, who will integrate their suggestions into her time with him as he does the group activities.

    This week Yirmi started school! I’m not one for taking first day of school pictures but fortunately for me, the mother of another little boy in his class took this one for us!

    Ds6 feeling shy and proud!
    Ds6 feeling shy and proud

    His teachers have all told me how impressed they are by him and what a pleasure he is to have in the class. And he loves it! It took a lot of persistence and advocacy to get him into this program (gan safa) which was sometimes emotionally wearing, but after the first ten minutes of being there with him, I felt so grateful that I stuck with the process. I think he’s going to gain tremendously!

    I sent Yirmi to a Hebrew speaking camp for a month this summer to help prepare him for school. His English comprehension is excellent but his Hebrew is minimal. I told his teacher that he doesn’t understand Hebrew yet, but yesterday she told me he seems to understand a lot of what is being said to him and responds accordingly.  I attribute this to him paying attention to tone and body language – but maybe his camp experience helped prepare him more than I thought!

    ——————

    So who does that leave homeschooling? As I enter my nineteenth year of homeschooling, we now have just three boys homeschooling (9, 11, 12).  I’ve had very little kids at home for throughout all these years and suddenly I don’t.

    I expected to feel some ambivalence and sadness at this transition point, but that’s not the case at all. I have so many things I’m constantly dealing with and I’m grateful to be able to slow down and move away from the very intensive schedule that I’ve had for so long. I’m ready to embrace and enjoy this new stage and give myself a pat on the back for all my efforts with each of them until now. Though I’ve often wished I could do much, much more than I do, I’m willing to let that go and instead focus on what I have done!

    My intention for the coming year is to be able to focus my time and attention on the boys at home in a way I haven’t been able to do when constantly stopping and starting to take care of younger children.

    But my even bigger priority is to arve out some renewal time for myself!

    Avivah