I made a trip to the store to pick up the things I needed for my son’s school birthday party and some items for the bar mitzva – cheese, vegetables, cake, snack bags, paper goods, drinks.
I ran my card to pay, and the cashier told me, ‘Declined.’
I thought I didn’t hear correctly. “What?”
“Your card was declined.”
“That’s not possible.” I ran it again. It was declined.
Shrugging, I took out cash and paid for my purchase.
When I got home, I checked my bank account. There was a healthy balance, the same as the night before when I reviewed my account. I had made a large transfer to the bank holding my mortgage to pay off a chunk of the principle the night before, and wondered if my bank had blocked my card for something related to that, but didn’t have time to call about it.
As I thought about the potential embarrassment I could have felt that morning at the store, I realized that budgeting and being clear about my money kept me from feeling shame in the moment.
Having your card declined can feel humiliating. But at that moment it was declined, I knew I had money in my account, I knew I was well within my spending limits, and I knew there had to be a mistake. So I didn’t feel embarrassed.
Early the next morning I went out to the hardware store and, cash in hand just in case there was a problem, ran the card at the checkout. It was fine. Apparently the blip had been related to the first store, not to my card.
Years ago I imagined that when he became bar mitzva it would be a huge celebration, that we would invite every teacher and therapist involved during the years. But it’s not going to be like that at all. First of all, we now live quite a distance from those who provided services in the past, so it’s not realistic for them to come. Secondly, we’ve raised him just like all of our other children, and it’s appropriate for him to have the same kind of bar mitzva they had – family centered and low key. He’s not going to have something radically different just because he has Down syndrome.
He is the first of our sons to become bar mitzva since my father-in-law’s passing two years ago, and has the merit to inherit his grandfather’s tefillin. He began putting them several weeks ago, and within two days was putting them on independently.
Since his school van comes early in the morning, he initially put on tefillin after he got home at around 2 pm. But he prefers to daven in shul in the morning like his siblings, so he’s found his own solution – on many days he’s been waking himself up around 5:45 so he has time to get dressed and go to shul, then davens and puts on tefillin there, getting back by 7 am – in time for his school bus.
It’s beautiful to see him step into the role of a bar mitzva boy; we are seeing so much maturation. He’s been looking forward to his bar mitzva since he was eleven and a half, and has talked about it almost every day. I was concerned that the reality would be a let down for him, but that’s not the case so far.
We had planned that next week he would have a ceremony/party at his school for friends and staff, which includes davening there and reading part of a Torah portion aloud, followed by a meal with his class and staff. But just a couple of days ago that changed, since it will be the Three Weeks when music isn’t allowed. We didn’t realize this would be a significant part of the program and since it’s absence will dramatically change the atmosphere of the party, the party is being rescheduled for September.
For the meantime, to allay his disappointment, he’ll have a regular birthday party in school next week.
He wanted to read his parsha/Torah portion in shul on Shabbos and we had hoped he would, but after he had been learning it for a while, we were told that his speech isn’t clear enough for those listening to easily understand him. Instead, he’ll read the maftir.
This Shabbbos is his actual bar mitzva and this is the maftir he initially prepared, but we couldn’t find a house to rent that would fit all of our family members who will be coming. We did find a place to rent something for next week, so we changed the date to next week and our son has prepared a second maftir reading for that parsha.
The community will be invited for the kiddush/buffet spread in shul on Shabbos morning. We’ll have three Shabbos meals together with all of our family, and ds has reminded me that we need to do a birthday circle for him. I can’t forget that!
At the beginning of this week I went away for two and a half days to a mother’s retreat at a hotel opposite the beach, and the quiet time I had for reflection and renewal was priceless. Since I do all the catering myself, I would have liked to have this week and next to do all the baking and cooking I need to do, but having time for myself was important enough for me to push the preparations into a shorter time frame.
Getting clarity on what a problem is, is the first step in solving the problem. Seeing very clearly how worn down I was caused me to pause, recognize something needed to change, and look for ways to lighten the burden I was feeling.
My social worker called me and asked to have a meeting with me without the children present, having heard the alarm of the two therapists I mentioned how impossible life was feeling. When she came last week, I asked her if she had the patience to hear me out, because I wanted to detail what has happened in the order it’s happened since the twins came over two years ago. She said she had the time, and I shared everything that’s been happening, not piecemeal in a brief conversation here or there, but in an organized and systematic timeline.
She affirmed everything I’ve been experiencing, and at the same time feels concerned that whatever help they can offer won’t make much of a difference. They can’t lighten any of the technical demands for various reasons. I told her any help would be beneficial. Even if there’s no help, being able to share what is happening and be heard was beneficial to me.
After that conversation it was clear that I need to pursue my own solutions.
I made arrangements for three of our four youngest children to attend summer camp for a few weeks, reached out to someone regarding cleaning help, and opened a file for my twelve year old son at the local municipality office so that he can attend the full day school program. Relief was on the horizon.
Wednesday night last week, I asked myself a thought provoking question: “What would my ideal day look like?” My answer included spending time with my husband at the Kineret/Sea of Galillee, with no kids. I shared this with my husband and he immediately agreed to shift his schedule the next morning so we could do just that.
First thing Thursday morning after putting the kids on their school buses, we drove to the Kineret, where we were unexpectedly blessed with completely empty beaches in all directions. We didn’t swim, but sat with the water lapping at our feet while we enjoyed the sound of the waves, the beautiful views in every direction, and most of all, time together without interruption. It was peaceful and renewing.
We had less than two hours together, but it was enough for us to feel we had a mini-vacation. When we got home, he got to work and I decided to spend my time going slow before the kids were due home. Nothing externally had changed but we both felt filled up by our time together, and my life always feels better in every way when I have time to connect with my husband in a meaningful way.
That night, I woke up to the sound of emergency sirens going off. While I was wondering if I needed to wake up all the children and move them to the safe room, an alert began beeping on my phone, notifying us there was imminent danger and we needed to be in proximity of a safe space. That alert alarmed and confused me since I’ve never received any message like this, and I didn’t understand why it was sent or what we were supposed to expect.
I focused on getting the three youngest boys to the reinforced room (dd’s bedroom) as quickly as possible, while asking my husband and teen boys to put bedding in the room for all of us. They put down mattresses on the floor and we packed every inch of the room as we slept alongside one another.
The next morning, dd7 exclaimed to me joyfully, “Thank you, Mommy, for everyone sleeping in my room last night!”
When I saw how positively she processed the experience of the nighttime alarms and everyone moving into her room, it affirmed that the children had perceived us calmly dealing with the situation. It’s critical to a child’s sense of security and safety that he feels his parents are capable of handling whatever is going on. Children take their cues from us, so if we don’t seem worried or alarmed, neither are they.
I am grateful that shortly before the war with Iran began I had a sliver of time to begin to mentally decompress. I’m very happy that I got to see my daughter and new granddaughter before this situation occurred, as it would be difficult to make the trip to Jerusalem now. And I’m extremely appreciative that my husband and I took the two hours to have a micro getaway.
The help I was working on isn’t an option any more. There will be no extended school days, there will be no summer camps, and there currently is no school at all. Though no one has said it officially, I assume the kids won’t be going back to school until the coming school year.
If that’s the case, the four youngest kids will be home for at least the next ten weeks,
Two weeks ago, thinking of having the kids home for a regular summer felt suffocating.
Something about being honest with myself and others about a situation that was becoming unbearable took mental pressure off of me, even without any external change in my reality. It’s amazing that sometimes you don’t need to change a lot in your life to feel a shift. That small bit of mental repose helped me to feel like myself again, even beginning to feel some positive anticipation rather than outright dread about the ‘Camp Mommy’ summer schedule.
So here I am, there’s a war going on, there’s tension and anxiety in the air throughout the country, and the kids are home all day long without anywhere to go and anything outside of the home to do.
Unexpectedly, after being overextended for so long with no relief, feeling I couldn’t handle even one more tiny request of me… I’m fine. I’m not resentful or stressed. I don’t feel like I’m walking a fine line and will snap any minute. I’m a little tired (waking up in the night due to missile warnings will do that) but overall I’m appreciating my time with all of them.
In a post later this week I’ll share what an important tool for staying calm in the face of all the uncertainty we’re dealing with.
There were so many wonderful suggestions about how to get help when hosting that I’m putting them all in one post so that all of us can benefit! You can come back to it when the next holiday or hosting opportunity comes around – for me that will be my son’s bar mitzva in two months. I need to take some deep breaths around that…and use some strategies below!
>> Pesach is a huge undertaking!!I tell my husband not to buy me anything for Yom Tov, just pay for extra kitchen help over Yom Tov! Some alternatives: 1. Hiring help, for the times when you want help and they’re not available. 2. Turning over early and freezing food ahead of time (soup, kugels, meats, chicken, baked goods, etc. )3. If you turn over early, married kids can come help cook one day and the boys can help watch their kids. 4. Take them up on their offer to bring/buy food. It may not taste as good as your food, or be as healthy, but it’s worth it! If they don’t want to shlep it by bus they can figure out something else. Overall, I try to keep it simple and stick to favorites. <<
>> Personally, the biggest problem I have with either helping or getting help is knowing what needs to be done. Is there a way to make a list /chart of tasks that others can do (set the table, cut salads, do dishes). Post it, and then when people come in ask them to pick something. Maybe not everyone every meal but the expectation is that each family helps out some meal. Just a thought. When I am very clear on what I need I do get help. managing people all the time is hard so a list would let them self manage. <<
>>I have no idea if this would work for your or your marrieds, but I wonder if it would be helpful if instead of a whole family coming for a meal, one of the parents (perhaps with older children who are more independent/can help or a baby who can’t be left alone) comes earlier – even the night before – to help, and then the rest of the family comes for the meal. That way you get more help and get to spend more time with children/grandchildren, the parent who comes gets a break from their own house and kids, and the grandchildren get a fun experience. I know that a lot of the kids are traveling long distances by bus, and obviously whether this idea is at all viable depends a lot on the family dynamics/needs of all involved. Also, I vote that if marrieds offer to bring food, take them up on it – even if they are shlepping by busses. Worst case scenario, if they see it’s too difficult, they won’t do it again. <<
>> if you cook and freeze much in advance, a lot of resentment will dissipate. no one can cook for all that just a few days in advance without overworking themselves. many women i know start cooking and freezing weeks in advance to pace themselves. a lot of the food we serve is freezable (soups, meats, cakes, even a huge batch of fried onions can be frozen, to be more easily used in other dishes – i read it somewhere and tried it this year and it was helpful!). Maybe an extra freezer. Lots of ideas out there of how to make a quasi-pesach kitchen for early cooking, even with just a covered foldable table and a crockpot (there is a cookbook out there written by a woman who does this, sounds great!). <<
>> One suggestion that helps me… I try to make sure that I have at least 1 day of every chol hamoed where I have no plans and no obligations to anyone. No hosting, no visits, no trips. For that day’s seuda eat, I put together to the leftovers of the last 3-4 seudas. There is easily enough to make a meal and this can make for a fun spread. If I have visitors staying with me for the entire chag, I let them know in advance that this is a great day for them to go off on a day trip. Usually they have places they want to go and people they want to visit by themselves anyhow. If it appeals to you, you can even send off your at-home family on a trip for the afternoon, so that you can really just chill that day. I find that one day to let myself rest, read, mooch around with the at-home family, and even be a little bored opens up more joy and energy for all the cooking, hosting and socializing associated with a week-long chag. <<
>> your married children are taking care of their children, but at home they do that plus take care of their houses. they can still pitch in by you and it will come out to less work. you need to decide what you’re comfortable delegating- could be kitchen tasks where they can sit and chat and sous-chef for you at the same time- this doesn’t remove so much mental load for you, but still multiplies what you can do with the time. could be adding your children onto theirs for outings and giving you some time alone to get a handle on the situation. it could be taking over your jobs with the animals (whichever ones still get done on chol hamoed, and to your specifications!). it will still be a vacation for them. but it’s okay for them to contribute. cutting down work and serving less also comes to mind. you posted lots of salads and kugels. those are complicated compared to one-pan protein, starch, veg dish that you season and cook hands-off in the oven (without defrosting first!). or even not one-pan, just cooked in the oven. i have only my own small kids and i take all these shortcuts. <<
>>My family is not as large as yours and we had 1 couple first day (which was 2 with Shabbat) and the last YT we had our second couple. I bought from a caterer 3 very large potato kugel, and 2 small apple kugel, and 2 lg. pans brownies. this helped so much and I know I was able to sit more with my kids and Grands. I also prepared b4 3 lg. salads for the first days. I really simplified the food, yet it takes time. If they had cars I would say bring the linen for sure. By bus its not so easy. If they had cars they could also bring Kugels, and cake but by bus no way. Maybe next year be’z either your boys can help with cooking, (I know they do so much besides this) or one of your daughters can come a few days b4 YT to help with cooking. There really isn’t an easy answer. I know you love cooking but maybe you need to buy a few sides like kugel to help in the food area.<<
>> I have younger children but for me the best minimizing stress tip is to make as many things as possible in the oven in disposable pans (lined with baking paper). Many things even get mixed in the pan and that way no mixing bowls are needed. The less pots & mixing bowls to wash, the easier clean up will be. I’ve learned to make a full shabbos/yt in the oven – fish, kugels, chicken, roasted potatoes/vegetables, chicken stirfry, shnitzel, meatballs, rice, cake, even hard boiled eggs – can all be made in the oven using disposable pans. Still haven’t figured out a superb oven brisket recipe… in the meantime that’s the only thing I must make in a pot. There are kugels that do not required any peeling/grating – such as broccoli/cauliflower/mushroom kugels. Also regarding onion kugel, if you’re frying a large amount of onions & then freezing those fried onions, it takes 2 minutes to mix and pop in the oven. <<
Thank you so much to all of you who shared your suggestions!
A couple of weeks ago I sat down to take notes on this Pesach to put aside for next year. That included lists of what I bought along with quantities of each item (I never remember from year to year without this). I also copied over all of my menus with the page numbers listed for each recipe if it was in a cookbook.
I looked up when Pesach will beginning next year, and it will be a Wednesday night. I’ve told my husband and teens that next year we’re going to turn over a week in advance. That’s what I did when I had a lot of younger children at home, but as my family got older I started turning over a shorter time before Pesach since I had enough help so there was no stress in that. As so many kids have married and moved out, and more younger children have joined the family, I didn’t reassess my turnover timeline. Thinking about my experience this past Pesach made it clear that I had too much too do, too close to the holiday.
I do have a freezer, and will enjoy being able to make many foods in advance. Spreading my cooking out will eliminate the need to work for so many hours in the kitchen close to the holiday.
I spoke with all of our married children to get their feedback on how we could make this work better for all of us in the future. I’m going to be specific about what help I’d like, taking into account the kind of help different people are comfortable with, and letting everyone know in advance what assistance I’d appreciate and when. It’s hard to help in a home that isn’t yours, and it’s impossible to help if you don’t know what’s going on, so this will make it easier for people to lend a hand.
I hope these suggestions have gotten you thinking about your own situation and how you can enjoy hosting with less stress and resentment!
I started this blog in 2006 as an act of service for young mothers, as a way to share my experience in navigating the parenting path for those earlier on in their journeys.
As readers asked questions, I responded with posts addressing their points of interest. This led me to diverge from the exclusive focus on parenting that I began with, to share about health and nutrition, homeschooling, home management, frugality and more.
My life continues to evolve as time goes by. Whatever I do, I want to live consciously and with intention, to actively craft a life that is meaningful to me and that brings me contentment. That’s been my focus from the beginning and will continue to be my focus, regardless of the specifics that I share about at each given stage.
My family has expanded with the addition of foster children and that means that I continue to be actively involved as a parent to young children as well as teenagers. At the same time, I have six married children and am a grandmother to many grandchildren (the newest addition was born to my second son and his wife almost four weeks ago!). I’m now 51 and one area of reflection for me right now is about how to navigate the next stage of life gracefully.
I would like to share about whatever topics that are on my mind. However, this blog isn’t for me – it’s for you. My purpose is to share my experience, insights, tips, and struggles in an authentic way to help you. To do that, I want to know what kind of topics are of the most value and interest to you.
Your questions and comments to what I write are the most helpful way for me to know what you’re thinking. Otherwise, I’m guessing if you love it or hate it what I wrote…or are completely indifferent. Without your comments, I’m left not knowing if what I wrote was of benefit to you.
Sooooo…. I’d love to hear from you! What is it that keeps you coming back to regularly read what I share? What topics interest you, what do you love and what topics do you want to hear more about? Please share your thoughts and suggestions below!
Thanks in advance for helping me to share content that is aligned with your needs and interests!
I’d like to share part of my healing journey, which has taken a lot of time and not been easy. There’s a lot to write about so I’m going to abbreviate but I want others to have hope they can change what seem like hopeless health situations. I also want to share my appreciation of where I am now, and you can’t really understand what that means without knowing what I’ve been through, which I’ve shared very little about over the years.
I’m going to go back five years to when I was rear-ended by the car behind me when I stopped to let a pedestrian cross at the crosswalk. Prior to that, I was healthy by every measure.
Immediately after that, I began having excruciating head pain that went on for six months until my primary care physician diagnosed me with post concussive syndrome, a mild traumatic brain injury, and referred to a neurologist. Because my body was locked in a cycle of intense pain with no relief, the neurologist recommended I take very strong pain medication to break the cycle but warned me if I looked up the medication I would find it had alarming side effects. That’s not my kind of solution, so I declined and asked if he had any other suggestions.
He responded that he’s seen acupuncture help. I ran with that suggestion, and right away the pain reduced. After one session I could bend down to pick something up from the floor without lightning bolts of pain exploding in my head. I saw benefits from the acupuncture sessions I had regularly for several months and then at the beginning of covid moved to a different part of the country so my sessions stopped.
At that point, the pain was no longer constant; I could get up or down without having to grab my head and squeeze it as hard as I could to counteract the pain. The improvement was amazing. As the pain receded, I began to be aware of other symptoms that I didn’t notice since the pain was so intense it had blocked everything else out. I was still left with intense headaches, nausea and a strong proclivity towards serious dehydration.
The dehydration happened a few times a week for nine months of the year; it was a relief that it was only once a week in the winter months. This went on for three years. I would do everything I could to avoid getting dehydrated – staying out of the sun, drinking lots of fluids beginning as soon as I woke up (I usually drank water with lemon and salt throughout the day), resting for hours daily. I was afraid to do anything to exert myself because I didn’t want to trigger the cycle. I could tell what made it worse (activity, travel, tiredness) but not how to keep it from happening.
It seemed hopeless because inevitably I would start to get headaches, which would intensify with horrendous nausea and only culminate when I would painfully throw up massive quantities until even the gastric juices in my stomach were gone. There was no way to stop the cycle once it began; it was such a horrible feeling every time knowing I had no way out except to wait for it to escalate until it was finally over. Then I spent most of the following day in bed recovering; if I was lucky I had a day in between of feeling somewhat normal before the cycle began.
After three years, I said to myself, I can’t live like this anymore. At 48, I was too young to be that limited. Mainstream medicine had no answer for me; I had been told this sometimes passes with time, but after three years, it was clear that wasn’t happening. There were no other answers. It took so much energy to manage the chronic unwellness; people didn’t see what I was going through because I didn’t talk much about it, and I also rested a lot before I had to go anywhere or do anything so I was able to function in public. I looked pretty normal but was always close to the edge of feeling horrible. Sometimes after a dehydration cycle completed I would rue how people who saw me a few hours before and would have assumed I was completely fine would be shocked if they saw how sick I was a short time later.
I remember one Shabbos afternoon talking to my son who was visiting. I made some comment about not having so much energy, and he said something like, “Come on, Mommy, you always have energy!” I thought he was making fun of me because I was so far from that and I asked him what in the world he was talking about. He said he everyone always told him “Your mother is Superwoman” and that’s how I’d always been. That’s when I realized how successful I had been in hiding how badly I was doing from my children who were married; my son had no idea that I was really struggling to cope with daily life. My children living at home did see how often I had headaches, how often I rested, how little I could do around the house, and they were amazingly helpful in picking up the slack left behind for all I couldn’t do.
My husband and I appreciate different topics and different writing styles, and he bought an excellent book titled Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, by Joe Dispenza. I picked it up several times but despite being interested in the topic, it didn’t resonate with me and I couldn’t get through it. But months later when I was at this juncture and I said, I can’t live like this anymore, I picked up this book and it opened to the section about healing serious health issues. He writes about the science of why and how a person can change his health dramatically through his thinking.
Suddenly the writing style didn’t seem dry and uninteresting. I determined that I was going to get better. To do it, I was going to train my brain to imagine a different possibility and I was going to live in the future image of being a healthy person at the same time I was experiencing my present symptoms. That was the idea, but I couldn’t understand how it was possible because my baseline was feeling rotten most of the time.
My entire identity had became a person who had gone through this accident and was living with the aftereffects. It seemed remote to imagine that I could have energy, feel well, exercise or stand in the sun for even a minute without fear of getting dehydrated. My limited physical capacity was who I had become.
And I had to completely let it go of all of it if I was going to heal.
I listened to the testimonies of others who had healed themselves from very serious ailments in this way; I had to fix it in my mind that it was completely doable and logical before I began. If they could do it for something much more serious, I could do it for a mild brain injury. After the accident I had tried positive thinking and meditations and affirmations but they had all fallen short – they helped me accept my limitations and view them as an opportunity to live more slowly, embrace intentionality and be able to be a basically positive person despite how I was feeling. But they didn’t help me move past the physical brain trauma.
I was finally ready to start and committed to use this process to heal. As soon as I put the youngest two boys on their school bus in the morning, I would lay down in a spot I loved on a sofa on our patio.
Then I would begin listening to a meditation; I used meditations by Joe Dispenza available free on Youtube. Part of the process was to clearly picture my present situation, and then to imagine how I wanted to be, and to internalize the feeling of the second image. I began in my mind to actively picture and feel that I was healthy.
After a week, something shifted and I started to do things that I couldn’t and wouldn’t do previously because it was outside of my capacity. At 8 am one summer morning, I started working in the garden, moving landscaping rocks around. I was perspiring when my husband came home a while later and I said to him jubilantly, “Look at me! Do you see something different?”
He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to notice. I exclaimed happily, “I’m sweating! I’ve been working outside!” Writing that makes me tear up, remembering how emotional that was for me. I hadn’t done that for three years. I was afraid to exert myself and definitely to sweat. Lifting heavy rocks? Working outside when the sun was up? Getting hot? Not a chance of any of those things happening. I couldn’t take the risk since experience had shown me that doing any of those things would trigger the dehydration cycle.
I continued living as if I didn’t experience any brain trauma, while hesitant to share anything about my process. I knew what I was experiencing was real but I didn’t want to share anything until a long time had gone by with no symptoms. There was a fear in the back of my mind that maybe the symptoms were waiting to cascade back into my life.
Months went by, and the symptoms didn’t return. While I occasionally get headaches and sometimes I feel nauseous, it’s been almost two years now that I haven’t experienced that dehydration cycle. While waiting until enough time had passed to share my experience with you, I got busy with other things and it seemed like old news to write about it when there were things that were current to write about.
This happened in the summer of 2022. My daughter got married in the winter of 2023, and two weeks before her wedding, we were approached about taking the twins. You can now understand why if I had been asked about this anytime in the prior three and a half year period that there was absolutely no possibility of taking on any extra responsibility. It took all my effort and a lot of help from my teen sons and husband to get basic things accomplished day to day.
When I was asked about the children, I was so thankful to have the physical recovery and capacity to seriously consider it. Hashem had helped me recover my health, and now I had the physical and emotional ability to help others. In May 2023, ten months after healing post concussive syndrome, the twins joined the family.
I don’t know why everything happens on Shabbos…but it does.
All these situations that I want to look up information online, call someone, drive somewhere to buy something…everything happens when I can’t do that.
Our rabbit was killed on Shabbos morning. Our goose was stolen Shabbos morning. We woke up Shabbos morning to see dead chicks piled in our yard. And on and on…
About ten days ago, on Friday afternoon an hour before Shabbos, our third mother goat gave birth – to live triplets! Two bucklings and a doeling who all look totally different from one another (unlike the identical twin doelings whose only visible difference is one’s left ear is less upright than the other). The names of the bucklings are Pecan and Marco Polo (ds7 named this one); their sister is Nutmeg. They join the twins, Dakota and Dixie, and the singleton, Chloe, bringing our total kid population to four females, two males.
Of course I missed the birth – on Fridays I don’t have my usual schedule of looking in on them, feeding them, holding the baby goats, and checking to see if any pregnant does are showing signs of labor. I have some low grade anxiety until all the births are finished, all placentas are expelled, all kids are nursing – waiting to know that everything is okay and we’ve gotten through that period with everyone alive and well. It was a relief to be past it all and know that all the mothers and babies were healthy and thriving.
It was a week later on Friday evening after everything quieted down that I went to take a look at the goats. Thursday evening all the kids looked wonderful. Now, I noticed Dixie was looking wobbly on her feet. That was surprising. I looked at Pecan. He was looking wobbly as well. The light was fading and I looked closely at the others. In total, four kids that were jumping around energetically the day before looked a bit unsteady. Only two of them were nursing from their mothers. I felt a sudden pit in my stomach, quickly went into the house and asked my teens to come outside with me and take a look.
“Do you notice anything?”
They all noticed what I did – four of the six kids were walking hesitantly. But why, and how could they go from being so healthy to looking so peaked within a day?
When I went out the next morning to look at them they looked much worse. Obviously they hadn’t been nursing all night long. Two were still doing great but the others were too weak to stand and therefore too weak to nurse. One was lying on her side, showing almost no signs of life. When I picked her up, it was as if she had no bones or muscle tone – it was like picking up an empty sack.
I felt helpless. I didn’t know what was wrong but I knew they would starve to death if they didn’t eat something. Since it was Shabbos, I couldn’t milk the mother goats to give the babies milk, I didn’t know what else I could give them, I didn’t have any bottles/droppers/syringe to feed them with, and I didn’t have a way to buy any or call around to find people who had the knowledge or supplies to help.
My boys held down the mothers before they went to shul and held the babies on to them to nurse, but some of them were too weak to suck. It was somewhat successful but they needed to eat regularly and there was no one to help me since I couldn’t help them myself.
Fortunately, as I was worrying about what to do my daughter arrived for a visit and when I told her my dilemma, she suggested I give them sugar water with a straw, holding the top of the straw to create suction and them dropping it into their mouths. I was so grateful for her suggestion, and it made a lot of sense to me.
I mixed maple syrup with water and added some vitamin C powder, and holding each kid on my lap laboriously dripped in a few drops at a time while holding their jaws open. (I gave them vitamin C in case the weakness had been caused by a virus of some sort.) I stayed with it until all of the kids looked like they had a little bit more energy, and when I finished I was exhausted but hopeful they might make it.
First thing Sunday morning one of the boys milked all of the goats while my husband headed to the store for bottles. I fed each of the four, feeding them in order of which was weakest, and then we fed them again later in the day. I was encouraged to see them looking stronger; on Monday I gave them bottles in the morning and only one needed a bottle in the evening – all the rest were nursing from their mothers again.
When I went to see them early in the morning on Tuesday, it was so wonderful to see them all standing steadily and even jumping! Now that we’re successfully past the hard part, it’s empowering to have successfully navigated what looked like a very dire situation.
For the last three days I kept all of our children away from the kids, not wanting any extra handling to stress them in any way. We all love interacting with the goats so it’s nice that as of this afternoon I could let the kids play with them again.
I’ve been concerned about rising interest rates for a while, and it was this concern that spurred my decision to refinance the portion of our mortgage that wasn’t fixed.
Last week I went into Jerusalem to sign some papers at the bank, and I told the banker I was working with that I had been contemplating doing this since June. She responded that if I had approached her at that point to do a refinance, she would have felt morally wrong to have agreed. She explained that our original loan had amazing terms – the prime rate was 1.9% at the time we got our mortgage – and she would have been protective on our behalf of those terms.
However, with the “rates jumping every day”, she now thinks it’s a good idea.
The prime rate the day that I signed the refinance paperwork was 5.25%. Amazingly, the fixed rate for our refinance is set at 5%. The very first month of our new mortgage payment, we’ll be paying less than if we hadn’t taken this step.
This is due to the unusual financial circumstances now present, called the inverted yield curve, in which the long term interest rates are higher than the short term interest rates (typically it’s the opposite). Basically, the bank is betting the odds that the interest rates on this portion of our loan will go back down and they’ll still make money on us after our refinance.
I’m fine with that. I didn’t do a refinance as a money-saving move – I had assumed I’d be paying more in interest, not less – but as a stabilizing step. There’s growing instability in the economy and I want a predictable mortgage payment every month. For those of you in the US where the standard is fixed mortgages, this is a no-brainer, but in Israel where variable rate mortgages are the norm, this is a big deal.
It took a while for this to be completed. It’s a busy time at the bank, and I was told that a refinance of this sort isn’t a priority for the bank because there’s no new money in it for them. But it’s finally done!
Once there was a coop filled with chickens of all ages. Big chickens, medium chickens and little chicks, and the very littlest was a chick named Scrappy.
Scrappy was a little but he was tough. He had to be, because he was on the bottom of the coop’s pecking order. That meant that the big chickens pecked the medium chickens, the medium chickens pecked the little chicks – and everyone pecked tiny Scrappy.
It was hard being the youngest. Scrappy became more and more bedraggled and sad as his feathers were pecked away.
One day Mrs. Werner told Donny, the strong, kind boy who raised all the chickens, that the chickens could play in her garden. The chickens loved running around and had lots of fun. But after a couple of days, Mrs. Werner’s garden was a mess, so she told Donny that the chickens needed to go back to the coop.
When it began to get dark, all the chickens went back to the coop to roost. Well, almost all of the chickens. One little chicken didn’t want to go back to the coop. Scrappy.
Scrappy had wandered into the goat pen and liked it there. The other chickens who wandered into the pen went right back out when they saw the big goats. Not Scrappy.
Scrappy had the freedom to go wherever he wanted to go, but he didn’t want to go far from the goat pen. He felt safe in the goat pen with frisky Bambi, gentle Buttercup, steady Mocha, and powerful Oliver. He wasn’t afraid of being stepped on, because he knew the goats wouldn’t hurt him.
The other chickens looked at Scrappy from their coop, and clucked disapprovingly. “Tut, tut, tut! Chickens belong with chickens, and chickens belong in a coop. What kind of chick lives in a goat pen? That Scrappy doesn’t know his place.”
But Scrappy did know the place he wanted to be, because he knew where he felt good. He knew where he felt safe. He had plenty of food, lots of straw to scratch around in, friends to keep him company, and most importantly, no one to pick on him and peck him.
Scrappy got bigger and stronger and his feathers began to grow back. He loved waking up every day to a new adventure in a world where he felt safe and loved. He knew how chickens were supposed to act, but when he did what the other chickens did he was miserable and sad. Now he had chosen a different path for himself and was happy and living a life he loved.
The End.
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It takes courage to consider what makes you feel happy and alive, when it means stepping outside the expectations others have for you. There may be fears to counter but there’s a rich life waiting to be lived.
Deep contentment doesn’t need to mean looking different from others or doing things that are visibly different. The point is to identify what makes you tick, what makes your life feel meaningful and enjoyable, and then to move towards that at whatever pace or in whatever way feels right to you.
Though I’ve written responses to all who commented here and privately, I feel I need to tell you how much I appreciate every single one of you taking the time to share your feedback.
It means a lot to me.
Sometimes I’ve wondered if I’m writing into a void, if the time for a blog has long since passed as video channels have become a more popular means of transmitting information, if what I’m writing is helpful, relevant, or of interest. Your responses were reassuring and encouraging for me to continue writing.
Thank you all so much; I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.
