I’ve shared a lot about our experience as foster parents, but I’ve withheld a lot more than I’ve shared. Yesterday I spent over two hours discussing the situation with a good friend, and the reason it took so long is because the current situation couldn’t be accurately framed without understanding the broader situation that it all took place within. Here’s how our story with the twins began.
In February 2023, we got a call from our social worker (we had a caseworker because ds9.5, who had been with us from birth, was technically in foster care), asking if we would consider immediate placement of a 4.5 year old boy who was in short term foster care (he was actually 5.5). We had no interest in seeking a placement, it was two weeks before my daughter’s wedding, and I said we couldn’t do it.
Then I learned that he had a twin sister who was being placed separately, and my husband and I reconferred. We agreed it was a tragedy for them to be separated, and after a meeting with the social workers to learn what his twin sister’s issues were (very significant), we said we were willing to take them both after the wedding, to keep them together.
Eventually, six or seven social workers representing different parts of the twins’ file came to visit. The only person missing was the guardian ad litem, the legal representative of the children.
We sat down together, and after asking about our background and parenting style, they described the extensive emotional and developmental issues the children had. They asked how we would address these issues, and I told them how I would approach all of it.
Then they toured our home, and they were very happy about what they saw. They said we were beyond what they could have hoped for, and they wished the GAL was there so she could put aside her stigma and negativity towards us (she had never met us). They concluded that they would unanimously recommend placement in our home.
As the behind the scenes arrangements continued, I learned that staunch opposition to their placement with us was being put up by the GAL. I did a lot of emotional letting go of the outcome, praying only that the children would end up in the best possible place for them, wherever that would be.
This process went on for ten weeks, and when it finally went to court for what everyone expected would be a quick rubber stamp of approval for their move to our home, it was a shock when the guardian ad litem made a motion for the children to be placed for adoption rather than foster care. This was a very rare thing to happen, particularly surprising because a highly recommended foster family was available, and there are no adoptive families looking for very emotionally damaged six year olds.
My social worker updated me that the children wouldn’t be coming to us after all. Okay, “Thy will, not mine, be done.”
The very next evening, I got a very different call.
The children needed immediate placement and would be coming to us the next day.
What???
To be continued…
Avivah