My husband and I have felt enormous emotional stress for the last three and a half weeks, as we’ve been working through this fostering situation. Neither of us have slept well in weeks; I’m routinely waking up at 2 am and not able to fall back asleep because of my thoughts. It took so much energy and focus that I didn’t do any active spiritual preparations for Rosh Hashana. (Though a couple of friends told me what we were going through was the ultimate spirtitual preparation.)
Then I met the judge, and it was a powerful parallel to me of G-d, the ultimate Judge, to whom we’re praying and asking for a good judgment for the coming year. We tend to think of a judge as punitive and punishing, but the judge can be filled with compassion and deep concern for you, and say, I want to help, and I’ll even come to your home. All you have to do is tell me what you need and what I can do for you.
And the Judge has the power to do everything, to override all of the decisions made by seemingly powerful people.
You may have tried everything and gotten nowhere, and be discouraged to the depths of your being. But the Judge can change that in literally one second, and transform the situation instantaneously.
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The night before we met with the judge, my husband and I agreed that this was our final chance to ask for the help we need to continue fostering. We had said we were done and there was nothing to talk about, and that was our position. It was a gut wrenching decision to make, one we felt sick at heart about, and it wasn’t easy to open ourselves up again to the possibility of continuing. But if there was a chance to change things so we could safely continue, this is what we wanted.
From the time we spoke to the judge and then the agency workers, there was a lot of waiting to see what, if anything, would be done. You’re getting the fast forward version.
Our conversation with the judge was very good. She told us she was pulling the GAL from our case; a day later, it was confirmed that the GAL had been replaced. That was amazing, something the agency representative called ‘a miracle of sorts’.
The next issue was visitation. The judge told us she hadn’t been getting information about what was happening, and we needed to have the agency workers submit a report so she could take action on that. A week later, the visitation was changed from every week for four hours, to every other week for four hours. That was a step in the right direction, but not what we needed to see. We told the agency representatives at our meeting that our decision isn’t changing until we see that we have partners who are working with us to keep the children safe, and we kept waiting.
Yesterday morning I was told the judge sent a letter with her instructions and it could not have been more what we hoped for. (I asked to see it, but our social worker isn’t sure if it’s allowed.)
At 5 pm yesterday afternoon, I was notified that visitation has been changed from four hours unsupervised weekly, to one hour weekly – fully supervised. Today’s planned unsupervised visitation was changed to meet the new requirements. This is for sixty days, and I supposed it will be reevaluated at that point.
Our hearts are so full of relief.
While there are other issues, I didn’t bring them up because I wanted to keep the focus on addressing the two biggest problems. We got what we needed to make fostering tenable, and it’s now official – the twins will continue to be with us, hopefully with much less outside drama for all of us.
הודו לה’ כי טוב, כי לעולם חסדו
“Give thanks to the L-rd, for He is good, and His kindness endures forever.”
Avivah
21 Responses
Wow, Avivah, what beautiful news. You just made my morning, my Yom Kippur, my entire Yom Tov season! Your story has truly touched my heart.
And here is another thought: look at what the twins have had hovering over their heads for the past month or two – literally Churban and galus – and then the true Judge saved them in the blink of an eye without them ever knowing. We truly never know what is going on behind the scenes even in our own lives, and how many threats He may be saving us from without us ever being the wiser. הודו לד’ כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו!
Thank you for sharing our happiness, Shoshana! What you said about all of us not knowing what is hovering over us behind the scenes is so true – I’m sure we’ve all had situations we’ve been saved from, without any knowledge that something bad was originally intended before the decree was changed. It’s humbling to think about, isn’t it? It makes me feel so grateful.
Gmar chasima tova!
Mazel Tov!! May you continue to see much Simcha in this decision!
Thank you, Rachelli! Chazal say, there’s no happiness like the resolution of doubt, and I very much feel that. It’s been so hard being in a place of not knowing what was going to happen, constantly reevaluating new small details, endless discussions. Gmar chasima tova!
Goodness and light are revealed in the world!!!! May we see ever more of this this year!!!
Thank you for sharing your incredible journey Avivah.
Amen, amen, amen, Naomi! Gmar chasima tova.
Wow!! Avivah I am so happy for you all!!
I am somewhat nervous about the 60 days but I guess if things are going well and the judge understands that this is what needs to happen, that it will simply be extended.
Thank you, Chana!
The judge as of Sept. 15 transferred to the area court and will no longer be a youth judge. During our conversation I expressed concern that she now understood the issues in our file, but she’ll no longer be the judge for this case. She told me I have her private number and I’m welcome to reach out to her if I need help in the future. I don’t know what the parameters of reaching out would be, what kind of things she can help with if she’s not at the youth court. I hope I won’t get to that point of actively wanting to get her help!
Oh wow.
She will be able to inform the new judge, as well as advocate for you within the court, and advise you of what course of action you should take. As a former youth judge her experience will also impact how social services take her requests, and as a district court judge she has more power than she did previously.
But hopefully what she left in place will be enough and you won’t have to be in court again. The sixty days worries me slightly but you can simply ask her what she expects to happen at the end of sixty days, and why she wrote that. It could simply be protocol and that if all is going well the order will be extended without anyone blinking.
It seems so fitting that this would happen now, as you said. Hashem, who determines the fate of every single human being on Rosh HaShanah, has determined that the twins will have the opportunity to stay with you!
The GAL is gone, history!!!
Are you worried about the 60 day reevaluation of visitation, Avivah?
It’s amazingly fitting, Chaya Dina.
Hashem has taken care of us until now, and I’m continuing to trust that. I hope that all that has happened means that more people have their eyes on our situation and they will be more receptive to my feedback.
For now, my social worker has told me to keep records about everything that happens for the next 60 days regarding visitation, so that there will be a record that can be used when this is reevaluated.
I cannot even imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you’ve been through trying to get your head and heart around one plan and going back & forth. No wonder you haven’t been able to sleep!
(BTW, I love that the caseworker was removed, but ‘FIRED’ would’ve been even better so she can’t torment other families.)
It’s wild to think that the twins have no idea what almost happened, and someday when they’re adults hopefully they can read all of these posts and they’ll know how very blessed they are.
I’m so thankful with you that prayers were answered and will pray you can get some good sleep now.
Kelly
Kelly, rollercoaster is exactly the word for how it’s been emotionally.
The GAL is a lawyer, very high up in the system. Yesterday, I was speaking to a foster mom who adopted a year ago. She shared the resignation letter I posted here with her husband, and his first response was, “This is our fault.” She had the same GAL as us, and they planned to file complaints against her as soon as their adoption was completed, but then they got busy and didn’t do it. They felt like if they had done that, maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad for us.
I told her, many people have complained about her and nothing has helped, so she could let go of any feelings of responsibility. It was a miracle that someone else was switched to our file.
And secondly, if I went through this, it’s because G-d wanted me to experience everything that I did. So no one could have changed that if it was meant to be my learning/growing process.
Even during all we’ve gone through, I’ve believed the GAL has acted according to her definition of what was in the childrens’ best interest. Unfortunately, a religious family isn’t that. I don’t know what she’s gone through in her life to be as she is now but I recognize she has a lot of unhealed trauma and what has happened hasn’t been rational. I recently learned she came from a religious family, and combining that with the fact that she’s working as a GAL in foster care instead of as a lawyer in a more lucrative position, she clearly has a desire to help in this specific area. I sensed a high level of identification with dd for whatever reason (and a complete disinterest in ds), and perhaps she was advocating for dd to have what she wished she would have had. Who knows?
I prayed for her on Rosh Hashana, that things will be good for her.
I am very optimistic about the year to come, for sleep and also for everything else!
Wow! So very happy to hear and what a powerful lesson for the New Year! Gmar chasima tova!
Gmar chasima tova, Regina!
Boruch Hashem! So happy for you and the whole family.
Thank you, Chani! BH, we are so relieved.
Baruch Hashem!! What amazing news!!! Such special timing. You made such a beautiful connection with Hashem as a compassionate judge. Gmar chasima tova!
Gmar chasima tova, Chanie!
Wow, amazing, B”H! So happy to hear! Hope it all works out long term. Gmar chasima tova!
wow, wonderful news!!!
sounds like a real miracle. B”H may you continue to have good shlichim to help out with the twins.
kesiva v’chasima tova!