After fourteen years, my son Yirmi has returned his soul to the Almighty.
It was close to Shabbos when my husband found him lying in his bedroom, not breathing and without a pulse. Many, many paramedics and EMTs came – at least twenty – and worked on him for what seemed like a long time; my small street was lined with ambulances and emergency vehicles. As they finally evacuated him, rushing him to the ambulance, I quickly took a picture – me, who hardly takes pictures. I needed to have it to help part from him.
Forty five minutes after they arrived at the hospital, he was declared dead.
Shabbos had begun by that point, and I didn’t know what the situation was. When my husband was going to the ambulance with him, I told him I can’t go the entire Shabbos not knowing if he’s alive or not, so please have the staff call my phone twice if he’s alive, and four times if he’s not – I wouldn’t be able to answer since it was Shabbos but that would tell me what I needed to know. And then I switched it, to twice if he’s not alive, and four times if he’s okay – so it would be as easy as possible for them to give us the bad news. My husband and I repeated it several times to one another so we wouldn’t get mixed up.
The police arrived to question us just as they loaded Yirmi into the ambulance. I didn’t want to speak to them; it seemed a horribly wrong time but a volunteer EMT told us they just need to look at his room. So I agreed. Before she left, I told her it didn’t look to me like there was any possible hope, and she told me if things took a bad turn that someone would come to our house to notify us, we wouldn’t be left in the dark.
Then the police questioned me and my twenty year old son, together and then separately, and then went on to check out the rest of the house. When they spoke to me, I asked them why they were doing this – did it mean my son was no longer alive? No, no, they said. When they finished their questioning, I asked the officer who wasn’t Jewish if he could call the hospital and find out what was happening. He called and said Yirmi was in moderate condition, which was completely unexpected and shocking.
Perhaps an hour or two later, the phone rang twice. Oh, no, I said, it’s not good. But my sons said, no, you’re mixing it up – you told Daddy to have them call four times if it was bad news, and twice if he was alive. So this means he’s okay. And that confirmed what the police officer had told me, and I thought I must have remembered the phone signaling wrong.
Every time the gate to my yard squeaked that night, I was afraid it was someone coming to tell us it was over. But no one came, not at any point. Hashem clearly wanted me to go through Shabbos without knowing Yirmi was no longer with us. I was able to go to shul, to celebrate a friend’s son’s bar mitzva and to share with friends that we needed a lot of prayers for Yirmi, and to be supported and loved by them.
But the moment Shabbos was over, I learned the truth.
—————————-
I went with my three older sons (20,19,17) to the hospital, where my husband had been mourning alone the entire Shabbos. We went to the morgue, and I got to see my beautiful boy. He looked peaceful, and I was so grateful that he didn’t suffer.
How do you say goodbye to your son forever? I kissed him and smoothed his hair, and talked to him while cradling his face in my hand. I told him how proud I am of him and how much I love him. I knew when I walked away, I would never have a chance to see him again and I didn’t want to leave. But my husband reminded me, what made Yirmi who he was, wasn’t in that body anymore.
I loved him so much, and I will love him forever.
Yirmiyahu ben Avivah Michaelah, I am so lucky I got to be your mother – you will live in my heart forever.
Avivah
52 Responses
אביבה אנחנו כולנו בהלם הגדול איתך,
לא נתפס איך הילד הצדיק והטהור עזב אותנו ככה,
,יישאר בליבינו חלל ענק עם חיוך נצחי ומתוק שלו
את זכית והוא זכה בך בעולמו המופלא של הקב”ה,
בדיוק בפרשת חיי שרה תמיהה מדוע נפטרה שרה באופן כ”כ טראגי מהבשורה על העקידה של יצחק – מפרש האוה”ח – נזדמנה העקידה בזמן שהייתה צריכה שרה לעזוב את העולם,
מסובב כל הסיבות בטוח משגיח מלמעלה וגאה בכם כל כך!
וישלח לכם את הנחמה הטובה והאמיתית
ירמי מליץ יושר הכי טוב למשפחה המדהימה והטובה שלו
ולא תוסיפו לדאבה עוד
אוהבת ומעריכה
Baruch Dayan Ha’emes.
There are no words. I’m so sorry. May Hashem bring you comfort.
Oy! I am very sad and sorry to hear this terrible news.
May Hashem comfort you and your family during the painful time and may you know no more tza’ar.
Aviva, we were so very sorry to hear this news about sweet Yirmi, baruch dayan ha’emes. What an adorable and fun loving boy he was. I’m sure he will be missed so much by your whole family. You are in our thoughts and tefillos…
Baruch Dayan HaEmes! Hamakom Yirachaim Eschem B’soch Shaar Avalai Tzion V’Yerushalayim .
Baruch Dayan HaEmet
We are so heartbroken to hear the terrible news. Yirmi was truly a ray of sunshine! We are so privileged to have known him even for a little while. המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים 💔
I’m the mom of the bar mitzvah boy. And my heart is torn: while we are celebrating his life and future, my friend Aviva and her family are mourning the loss of theirs.
Aviva, your strength yesterday was amazing- you came to share in our Simcha despite the anxiety and pain in your heart. And even last night with a raw, bleeding loss, you encouraged us to continue with his seudah.
May Hashem comfort you and your family.
Dear Avivah,
The champion mother of all mothers. Yirmi z”l was also fortunate to have been born and raised by you. What an amazing life he had because of your strength, wisdom, curiosity and commitment to giving him the best opportunities and limitless belief in his abilities.
I am so so sorry to hear this devastating news. May his dear soul rest in peace.
Thank you, as always, for describing even the indescribable.
ברוך דיין האמת
My tanchumim to Rav Asher and bereaved siblings.
I don’t know how you even found the strength to write that. So beautiful. So heartbreaking.
Sending hugs.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
Oy, I am so sorry to hear this news. BDE. I dont know you nor Yirmi but I feel your pain and am so sorry this had to happen. We don’t understand Hashem’s ways. May you know no more sorrow. המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים.
Baruch Dayan Haemes Avivah…. The hardest words ever to say to a friend about her son. I’m so sorry you joined the worst club in the world. It’s got the highest price to pay for admission.
We’re leaving to the US to visit my husband’s parents. Please look out for an email from me.
Sending you love from afar. We have a lot of support for English speaking mothers.
Leah, Yossi’s mom forever
What a terrible shock. I am so sorry
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
Avivah, I’m so so sorry! Yirmi was such a ray of light! Sending hugs. BDE
Baruch Dayan Ha’Emes.
A precious light has gone out for your family and most especially for you.
May you find comfort together and share only good news from now on.
Boruch Dayan Haemes. I am so so sorry to hear this heartbreaking news. Through your blog so many people, including myself, have been touched by him and by you. May Hashem send you and your family true nechama bsoch shaarei tzion vyerushalayim.
So very sorry Avivah! Sending love, hugs & prayers.
Kelly
I am a longtime silent follower and I feel deeply sorry for your loss.
In terms of why the police were questioning you, I have learned that in this country when anything he does, the police must come to be sure nothing unnatural caused the death (crime, abuse etc). It has nothing to do with them suspecting you. It is just a job they need to do for everyone’s safety.
I had a parent on hospice and when hospice first comes to a new patient, they give a letter to the family so when the patient passes, one gives that letter to the police and the police then don’t investigate when the person dies because hospice has already cleared that issue. While it is unnerving for the police to look around and question, it is really just meant for everyone’s safety.
So so sorry for your, and your family’s big loss. I truly can’t imagine what you are going through. You put so much into your children and I am sure Yirmi passed knowing how much of a treasure he was to you and what a precious soul he had and has.
Hamakom yinachem etchem btoch share evlei tzion vyerushalayim
I am crying while reading this. What a tremendous shock and tragedy. there are no words. I am so sorry for your loss Aviva 🙁
Baruch Dayan HaEmet. What an incredible loss. May HaShem bring comfort to you and your family.
My heart is breaking for you and your family Aviva. Baruch Dayan Haemes. May Hashem give you comfort and strength.
Avivah , I am so sad to hear this news.
Hamakom Yenachem Etchem B’toch Sha’ar Evlei Tzion V’yerushalayim.
What a shock. This seems to have been so unexpected. Hard to process. My heart goes out to you and the family. May his memory be for a blessing to you and the whole community. ברוך דיין האמת
Avivah this is so hard. I am so sorry for your loss. Baruch dayan ha’emet. May Hashem comfort your entire family.
Dear Avivah, Osher and Family,
How heartbreaking! I know it’s virtually impossible right now to see beyond the grief, but in Heaven you have merited many Mitzvot, and I have complete faith that you and Yirmi — the healthy, happy Yirmi — will be reunited.
.ברוך דיין האמת
Josh
Oy, so sorry to hear. המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים!
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
Omg I’m so sorry avivah. I can’t even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through right now. Sending all the love and support I can.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
Avivah, i’ve read your blog for years and seeing how deeply invested you are in your children has been a total inspiration.
What you put into Yirmi, and all your children, is indescribable.
May HKBH comfort you in your pain, my heart is torn hearing your tragic news.
May Moshiach come so soon and reunite you fully.
From a long, long-time reader who has never commented, but has always enjoyed and appreciated your posts – such difficult news. המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
I’m so sorry to hear this. Baruch Dayan HaEmet. I have no words. How can a mother live on when she loses a child?
Baruch Dayan HaEmet. So sorry to hear this.
Parents should not have to bury their child.
We haven’t been in touch since you left Bet Shemesh but we have not forgotten you!
Avivah, I’m so very sorry for you and your entire family. Sending tefilos for strength and comfort… הַמָּקוֹם יְנַחֵם אֶתְכֶם בְּתוֹךְ שְׁאָר אֲבֵלֵי צִיּוֹן וִירוּשָׁלַיִם
BDE! I’m sorry to hear your loss. May Hashem provide comfort to you and family. May people around you give strength to you and family.
I’m so sorry for you loss. I hope your faith is able to bring you comfort in this difficult time. You and your family are in my thoughts.
I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I feel like I knew your son from your blog—he was such a special person. Hamakom yinachem etchem bitoch shaar evlei tzion viyerushalayim.
Dear Avivah and Asher, and family, Our hearts are filled with sorrow for this terrible loss. You’re in our thoughts and tfilos. HaMakom yenachem eschem b’soch sh’ar aveilei Tzion v’Yerushalayim. Rena & Fred Levi
Baruch Dayan Haemes
I’m so sorry to hear this shocking sad news! May Hashem comfort you and your family!
This is so heartbreaking. He was a very special and beautiful boy, on the inside and out. I remember visiting him when he was quite young, and he climbed on the back of the couch and hung upside down, copying one of his brothers, and you were so happy with his new strength he discovered. he was just so adorable and capable, and you were a very encouraging and wonderful mom to him. sending love and prayers. i am so sorry for your tragic loss.
Avivah, Rabbi Werner, and family – too soon for words but we are sharing in your sorrow. Baruch Dayan HaEmet.
Avivah, I am so sorry to hear this. Baruch Dayan HaEmet
Aviva, I can’t imagine what your family is going through. May Hashem give all of you strength. Baruch Dayan HaEmet
Baruch Dayan Ha’emes.
Aviva, although I don’t know you I’ve been following your blog for many years and I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you as his parents gave him a wonderful life, allowing him to fulfill himself to the utmost.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים ולא תוסיפו דאוה עוד
Baruch Dayan HaEmes. HaMakom Yinacheim Eschem B’soch Shaar Aveilei Tzion V’Yerushalayim.
I’m so, so sorry!
Boruch Dayan Haemes.
I was so sad to read this news. After reading your blog for years, i feel like i got to know Yirmi and your other children.
Hashem should comfort you all in this difficult time.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
Aviva,
I\\\\\\\’m so sorry to hear such sad, painful, news. May Hashem comfort you and your family. May you feel Hashem holding, loving, and protecting you, in each moment.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
I am crying, I can’t think, I have no words, I will come to be menachem aveil and hope to come out comforted.
I will miss Yirmi, I don’t know what to say, this is so so hard, it is not natrual for a parent to bury their child. What a shock, please Hashem we need Mashiach, NOW!!!
I am so, so, sorry Wishing you much strength and Nechama.
I’m so sorry. From reading your blog, I see that you are incredible parents. He was so lucky. I’m so sad for you. May HaShem comfort your whole family.
המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
Avivah, I am heartbroken. Baruch Dayan HaEmes.
Yirmi brought so much light to your life and now he will shine it from close to the Kisei HaKavod.
Hashem should give you and your family strength and comfort.
I have been following and learning from your blog for years and feel like I knew yirmi…. may Hashem send you SO much comfort and bring moshiach