Last night I was speaking with someone I’ve gotten to know over the last month or so who just got a cancer diagnosis.  She got the impression that I’m more healthy than her typical aquaintance, I guess.  So she told me about her diagnosis and said she was open to alternative approaches, but didn’t know where to start.  I love Google and the amazing amounts of info a person can find to help themselves, but I also know how overwhelming a huge amount of information can be to someone not used to doing this kind of research.  So a couple of nights ago when I was up with the baby, I figured I’d do some reading on natural cancer cures and get her started with some good links.  I have a decent sense of what is good info and what isn’t, plus I’m a fast reader, so I thought I would help her by giving her a solid starting point.  After 3 hours of reading, I sent her an email detailing three sites I suggested she start with, as well as some specifics regarding vitamin C. 

But it seems to be so hard for someone not used to thinking for themselves to make decisions, even when they have the information!  People have gotten used to thinking of people with degrees in a field as the experts (like doctors), and have disempowered themselves with this kind of thinking.  It’s hard to overcome that kind of disempowerment just because you want to suddenly do things differently, and I understand that. 

At the same time, my approach to everything from childbirth to parenting or homeschooling is based on empowering others to think for themselves, not telling them the exact steps to follow.  The steps that each of us need to follow to be successful is different, since we each define success and happiness differently.  She kept asking me what she should do, and after discussing some basic points to work on with her, I told her she needs to make these kind of decisions about her health herself.  You can’t turn to others (including me) and say, “Just tell me what to do so everything will be okay”.  Who can make that kind of guarantee for someone else? 

 So she asked what I would do if it were me.  And I told her that I personally wouldn’t do chemo and would only deal with it alternatively – but that was consistent with who I am and my holistic approach to life.  (I actually had to deal with this three years ago, when I had a swelling on my neck.  A friend noticed and told me to get it checked out-  I did and the endocrinologist took one alarmed look and started talking about immediate surgery for a tumor that large, suspecting thyroid cancer.  To make a long story short, it disappeared when I eliminated sugar from my diet, without the help of chemo, surgery, or further diagnostic testing after the initial biopsy.)  She had to think about who she is and what approach she can feel good about, and she would have to feel comfortable about her decision.

But after almost an hour of conversation in this vein, she plaintively said, “But you aren’t telling me what to do!”   I’ll be honest – I  don’t know how to help those who want me to do their thinking for them, and once I’ve tried my best to help, I don’t have a lot of patience to keep having a conversation.  I have very, very little time that I can speak on the phone, I was jiggling a cranky baby the entire time, and it was 10:30 pm by now.  I’m willing to spend time with people when they are truly open to what I’m saying, but I can’t listen to someone go in circles.  It’s not productive for them and frustrating to me.  I realized that nothing I was saying was helping, since I had spent so much time speaking to her not only about specific things she could do, but explaining how crucial it is to claim her personal power with a diagnosis like this and not depend on everyone else to take care of her. 

So I finally said, “If you want someone to tell you what to do, go to your doctors.  They’ll be happy to do that.  And if you’re okay with the results of their decisions, then fine. But regardless of who makes the decisions about your health, you’re the one who is going to have to live with the consequences.”

So my point in sharing this is to say, don’t give away your power by being afraid to learn more and to apply what you learn, by feeling insecure that you don’t know enough or you aren’t enough in some way.  Personal power doesn’t come from depending on other people to tell you what you need.  It comes from taking the initiative in any area to see what you need, and finding a way to accomplish your goals.  It is so empowering to realize how many things we can do in various areas of our lives to help ourselves and our families! 

Avivah