“Can you really continue to uphold your standards as your family grows? Or do you find yourself lowering your standards with each baby?”

It’s an interesting question – I guess it depends how you define your standards. I think in lots of ways my standards and expectations have gone up as I have had more kids, in things that are really important. I’m a much better parent since I’ve gotten over a lot of ambivalence and uncertainty about how to deal with issues that come up and am a much more confident mom. I’ve been able to let go of less important things as I get better at focusing on what is really most important, not defining myself as a good mom because I can check off lots of things on a certain kind of parenting checklist.

I spend a lot more time really being with my kids and enjoying them than I used to. I don’t use a sling much anymore, something that was very valuable particularly with baby no. 3, mostly because all my kids love holding the baby so much that someone’s arms are always available. I found that I was developing lots of back pain when the baby was in bed with me, and it’s worked out great for us both to have him in a bassinet/crib right next to my bed. I am not into the specifics of trying to practice things according to a particular method of parenting as much as the general approach of creating a nurturing, loving relationship with my children.

It’s very possible to be a very diligent parent (for some, this would mean cloth diapers, family bed, extended nursing, for others it would be defined totally differently) and not really enjoy your kids, and there is something really wrong when that is the case. I think kids are better off in that case with a mom who loves being with them and shows it than with one who does all the things she thinks she is ‘supposed’ to but doesn’t enjoy her family.

I’ve gone a little off track with the question, but to summarize, no, I haven’t lowered my standards. I’ve just adjusted my priorities to reflect what is really important!

Avivah