Monthly Archives: June 2018

Pictures of my new granddaughter

parenting

It’s taken a while to get these pictures up of our new granddaughter to share, but I finally have some!

I pasted in a picture last week but was notified by my married children that it’s not showing up. Sorry about that – it wasn’t intended to be a teaser! (It shows up fine for me.) I’ll make up for it now by sharing a few pictures!

Here are a couple of pictures from my first meeting with my new granddaughter, the day after she was born.

yael and a 2 y and a 1

When the baby was a week and a half old, I took four of the younger boys to meet her. (At this point, only ds16 and ds1.5 haven’t yet met her; the older kids all went to the hospital to visit.)

Ds12 with his new niece
Ds12 with his new niece
Ds9 and his niece
Ds9 and his niece
Ds10 with niece, with ds5 in the background wondering when he'll get a turn!
Ds10 with niece, with ds5 in the background wondering when he’ll get a turn!

And now, bliss! Yirmi finally gets to hold his new niece!

Finally, his turn! Ds5, a proud new uncle!
Ds5, a proud new uncle!

She slept through all the transfers from one person to another. That newborn stage of deep sleep doesn’t usually last too long!

For those of you have been reading this blog for a while, you remember my referencing of the littles, the middles and the bigs? The ‘littles’ were the third group of three children born close together in our family, and they’ve grown up while I’ve been blogging these last (almost) 12 years!  Sometimes I look at them and wonder when they got so big.

Me with the 'littles' and our newest addition
Me with the ‘littles’ and our newest addition

I don’t have any insights on being a grandmother yet, sorry! It’s interesting to hold a newborn who is related to me, and yet not be responsible for her care. What is really beautiful is to watch my son and his wife shift from being a couple to being a family.

Avivah

My significant life changing purchase – a car!

frugal strategies, homemaking, homeschooling, parenting, personal development

Thank you all for your good wishes on our new granddaughter! She was named yesterday and I’m looking forward to taking the younger boys to meet her later this week.

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In other significant for us news, we have become car owners!

When we moved to Israel almost seven years ago, we decided not to buy a vehicle because buying, maintaining and fueling a car here is so much more expensive than in the US. Public transportation is very good and a car seemed like an unnecessary luxury, particularly when we came here without a job and wanted to stretch our savings as long as possible.

It was a good decision then that really made sense,  and for the ensuing six years it continued to be a good choice. We felt comfortable not having a car, there was no sense of deprivation or doing without – in fact, it was a relief to me not to have to deal with a car.

However, this last year and particularly the last few months (since both of my older daughters got married) have become increasingly challenging for me. Since my five year old doesn’t consistently walk moderate distances when he’s tired and as of last July I refused to put him in a stroller, traveling by bus with him is something that I try to minimize. Without older children who can keep an eye on the younger ones when I go out, just getting the weekly grocery shopping done has become a pressure and that’s where my ‘free’ time goes.

I was increasingly feeling maxxed out with the little time for myself needing to be almost painfully carved out, and the time strain that was being created was significant. A couple of months ago, someone asked why this was an issue for me, since after all, I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years and was used to my kids being around. I told her, “I used to have a car and I could take the kids with me if I needed to go out; I wasn’t stuck and unable to go anywhere.” However, I didn’t consider the significance of my answer to her until last week.

That was when I recalled our brief conversation and it suddenly became obvious to me that this major issue that has significantly impacted the quality of my life would be shifted if I had a car.  Previously, I kept thinking that the issue would be resolved as my son became more mobile; car ownership was so off my mental map that it simply didn’t occur to me to revisit the initial decision we made when we moved here.

Well.

That conversation was suddenly catapulted to the front of my consciousness when I saw a car listed for sale on my local neighborhood list that seemed like it would be a good fit for us. I spent a couple of hours considering if it was ridiculously self-indulgent of me to have a car before calling my husband to let him know I thought we should seriously consider purchasing a car. My husband readily agreed since he had already mentioned several times in the past that at some point he wanted to get a car but I was the naysayer. (When we ran the numbers to check the anticipated expenses, his only question was, “Why didn’t we do this a long time ago?”)

Once I allowed myself to recognize how much having a car would shift this major energy block in my life, things moved very quickly. We bought a car the very next day.

I can say without exaggeration that after using it for just a few hours this afternoon and evening (and knowing this is something I can regularly do) my life has changed. No hyperbole.

This afternoon I was able to pop my tired five year old into the car and take him with me and ds9 on an errand. This errand is something I’ve wanted to do for almost three months but logistically it was too hard to do without a car.

So we zipped over to get it taken care of – in ten minutes it was done. The boys enjoyed watching the workmen cut down the mirror and reframe it, an experience they wouldn’t have had before since I would have left them at home. I’ve always loved having the kids be part of those daily experiences – each on its own is nothing major but they add up to enriching and expansive experiences.

Since we had plenty of time before swimming lessons began, we went to go the local community center to get ds5 a bus card with his photo on it. This errand has been on my list for months. He’s almost six and I wanted to get him one since he turned five. Now he has one!

We then noticed some activities taking place in the community center, which I learned were for families who have children with special needs. Maybe I never knew about this, maybe I was told about this and mentally dismissed it as completely irrelevant for us because getting out was just too hard.

In any case, today we joined them. It was so nice to watch ds5 play (he knew another child there from his Pesach camp), to chat with another mom, and to feel so relaxed. Relaxing and going out with my five year old haven’t been synonymous for me for quite some time.

From there we went to swimming lessons, and the biggest, most significant thing happened when the lessons were over.

We were home in five minutes.

Five minutes.

Instead of 45 minutes.

Instead of coaxing him to walk a little more. Instead of tugging at his hand and picking him up and then insisting that I can’t carry him and he’s going to have to walk, yada, yada, yada while he sits down and from sheer exhaustion refuses to move. Then finally getting to the bus stop, getting on the bus, and after getting off coaxing him again to walk the distance from the bus stop to our home. All over again.

We were home and I was still smiling and ds5 was still smiling and ds9 (who has lessons at the same time and is part of this weekly round trip experience) was still smiling. I had energy to give everyone dinner.  My husband probably did a double take when he walked in and wondered if it was really Sunday since I smiled and had a conversation with him with no mention of being so tired that I was about to collapse. Instead I enthusiastically told him how amazingly enjoyable ds5 is to spend time with when I don’t have to marshal all my resources to physically get him where he needs to go.

At 8:30 in the evening, rather than being comatose on the couch, I took ds12 to his swimming lessons (for the first time this season), and enjoyed watching him for 45 minutes before driving home together. (Today I learned that my two sons in group lessons are the best swimmers in their groups. They wouldn’t have told me because they don’t know that when they’re swimming and can’t hear what’s being said, the instructor tells the other students to watch what they’re doing. I wouldn’t have known that if I hadn’t been there in person to see it.) It was really nice having this opportunity to spend time with ds12 and make a deposit in my relationship with him.

And here I am writing this now. It is almost 11:30 at night and I’m still able to think and reflect. The clarity of how deeply exhausting this aspect of my life has become after just one afternoon of not having to go through it is almost stunning to me.

Today I got things done quickly and easily. And that was nice. But what was even nicer was feeling doors swinging open. Doors of increased outings with my kids, increased time freedom and flexibility, increased community involvement and social connection, increased being present for others and myself.  And none of it feels hard. 

Letting go of hard required me to first be really honest about how constraining things had become. When things shift gradually over time, there’s not a sudden negative situation to deal with – and that makes it harder to recognize because one gets used to it bit by bit.  I started to recognize how many ‘nos’ I was saying to myself – and was willing to be open to a solution from a different angle.

It’s interesting that when ds19 called and I told him we had just bought a car a few hours before, he wasn’t surprised. Since I had never entertained the idea myself until a day prior, obviously I hadn’t discussed the possibility with our children and I asked him why he told me the purchase was predictable. He said that in the last year when I’ve periodically rented a car, it was obvious to him how much more relaxed and happy I was.

What was obvious to him took a lot of soul searching for me!

Avivah

Announcing the newest Werner!

Uncategorized

This morning, our son and his wife had a gorgeous baby girl!

When I told our nine and ten year old sons that the baby had been born, they excitedly asked, “A boy or a girl?” When I said a girl, they both had a similar look of disbelief and said, “A girl??” As if, how did that happen?!?

That’s what happens when you are one of six boys in a row, it kind of skews your perspective. 🙂

I look forward to meeting her in person hopefully tomorrow.

I’m telling you, our kids grow up SO fast! And along with them, so do we. Me, a grandmother? I’ll  need some time to mentally adjust to that!

Avivah

Dsicussing palate expansion for Yirmi with orthodontist

dental health, health, Trisomy 21

When Yirmi was born and we were told his Trisomy 21 diagnosis, my mind was flooded with thoughts. It was in the first couple of hours that I thought about a study I had read about regarding Weston Price who did a palate expansion with a teen who had Down syndrome. This teen was very cognitively limited, and the expansion created dramatic changes for him.

How could something that seems so minor make such a big difference? Since the center third of the face of those with T21 doesn’t grow properly, it compresses all the major head glands. This specifically can prevent the proper functioning of the pituitary gland and all its hormones, which has many, many consequences.

Yirmi was also born with a very high and narrow palate. I addressed my concerns about this holistically from the time he was four months old, taking him for weekly cranial sacral adjustments and requesting work specifically on his face and inside his mouth. I stopped those appointments about the time he was three, around the time we moved to RBS, since I didn’t find someone I was comfortable continuing treatment with.

For almost six years, from that first night I was sitting in the waiting room processing our surprise birth diagnosis, I’ve been thinking about palate expansion. But I’ve delayed a visit with an orthodontist because frankly, not only is it a significant expense, it’s very tiring to have to advocate and explain all the time. I learned of one orthotropist in Tel Aviv and considered making an appointment with him, but decided to try my luck with local orthodontists first.

For several weeks, my to-do list included calling to schedule a consultation. Every single day, for weeks. And every day, I’d push it off. I finally made the call a few weeks ago and the night before our consultation, I emailed a list of links to studies and research that had been done regarding palate expansion and children with T21, with a request for the orthodontist to look at it so we could discuss it when we came in.

I had this funny feeling when I walked in to the office that everyone knew who I was, and not because they read my blog! I was definitely wondering if my email had been discussed among the staff. When I left, one secretary commented to me, “Good job with that email!”

I was impressed with the orthodontist, who told me he had read everything I sent him, and was ready and willing to discuss it all with me. He wanted to ascertain that I understood that not every child is going to experience every single benefit, which I know. I told him my specific hopes for Yirmi having the expansion, and he said that all of those were reasonable.

The good news is he’s agreed that Yirmi is a good candidate for palate expansion, despite his young age. (Palate expansion is usually recommended for a later age, but for the above reasons I feel he’d benefit by having it done as soon as possible). We’ll need to wait a little  longer until his molars are a bit bigger, so the device will be able to be anchored to them.

I was reflecting afterwards about how I created tension for myself, just by telling myself how difficult it was going to be to find an orthodontist to agree to work with us. Don’t we all do that, so often? It really couldn’t have been a more pleasant and positive meeting. I hope that when we’re ready to do the molds that everything continues to go well. But for now, the first big step forward in this direction has been taken, and I’m so relieved and grateful!

Avivah

Edited to add: I linked to this in the comments but am linking here so you can easily access this summary of the benefits and some other information put together by Dr. Erica Peirson.

Chicken a la King – recipe

recipes

This is a quick and simple recipe that my family enjoys.

Chicken a la King

  • 2 medium onions, minced
  • 2 celery stalks, diced
  • 1.5 lb chicken breast, cut into 1″ pieces
  • 1 1/2 c. water
  • 1/2 t. pepper
  • 1 t. salt
  • 1/2 c. uncooked rice
  • 1/2 lb. frozen peas

Saute the onions until golden. Add celery and chicken, saute for fifteen minutes. Add water and spices and bring to a boil. Add rice, and cook for 15 – 20 minutes. Add frozen peas and cook for two minutes.

Enjoy!

 

Avivah

Don’t Treat Me Differently- video by Tikva Juni

parenting, Trisomy 21

Today I went to pick up an item from someone I didn’t know, and when I got there, was invited in and given a drink. While in the kitchen I noticed a picture magnet on the fridge of a young woman with Down syndrome. So naturally, I asked who she was.

Turns out it was the sister of the person whose home I was in, and because I was on a timeline I needed to get back home and couldn’t settle in for the long chat I’d have wanted to have. But I did tell her I would love to have that longer conversation sometime, and she told me she’d be happy to, telling me that her sister Tikva Juni was “amazing”, “a powerhouse” and a motivational speaker who has traveled across the US to speak. (You better believe I plan to speak to her parents, too!)

I was fortunate to find one of Tikva’s talks online. It is a powerful description of what it feels like to be different, and how others can make the world a more welcoming and inclusive place for everyone. It’s definitely worth your time!

Avivah

Weekly menu plan

frugal strategies, menu plans

Here is this week’s menu plan – I’ve only included breakfast meals if they are different than my standard option of hot cooked cereal or eggs.

Sun – lunch – deli sandwiches; dinner – sweet potato chili (doubled)

Mon – b – eggs; l -bean and rice bowls with avocado sauce (triple rice to serve with tomorrow’s dinner and morning rice on Thurs.); d – red lentil dal with kasha

Tuesday – b – baked oatmeal; l – sweet potato chili ; d – chicken a la king with rice

Wednesday: b – morning rice (with sunflower seeds and raisins); l – eggs and salad ; d – chicken tamale pie

Thursday – b – pancakes; l – chickpea pot pie (doubled); d – CORN (clean out refrigerator night)

Friday – l – chickpea pot pie

I made homemade cold cuts for Shabbos using marinated chicken breasts, but they were removed from the oven before they were completely cooked through to the center. So there was about half of it that I didn’t serve on Shabbos; my kids were very happy to have this left over! Yesterday we cooked up the chicken that was left, then sliced it  up and made sandwiches with leftover challah for Sunday lunch – voila, deli sandwiches!

I started my week by soaking and then cooking a pot of red beans – it takes almost the same amount of time and effort to cook a little as to cook a lot.  I used that for Sunday night dinner (I doubled that recipe so that I would have enough to serve for lunch on Tuesday), and will use the rest for the bean and rice bowls for Monday lunch.

I found a great deal at a supermarket just a couple of weeks ago – vacuum wrapped avocado puree. I love avocados but the price is never low, even when they’re in season, which they aren’t right now. The price per kg of avocados is currently about 16 shekels a kilo; a vacuum pack of 1 lb (approximately half a kilo) of mashed avocado is 5 shekels – that comes out to 10 shekels a kilo, but it doesn’t include the weight of the pit or peels, so the price is closer to half the price of fresh avocados or less.  it’s not only cheaper but more convenient than the fresh avocados, and I’ll defrost a package of this for the avocado sauce that will top the rice bowls.

The kids enjoy making pancakes themselves, and I’ve scheduled it for Thursday because that’s a day that I’m home all day so I’m more relaxed. They make a regular batch for themselves and a coconut flour (gluten free) batch for Yirmi.

The chickpea pot pie made it onto this week’s menu after I inventoried my freezer and saw that I had a container of seasoned cooked chickpeas, and another of vegetable pot pie filling. Once both containers are defrosted, I’ll combine the two mixtures, make a mashed potato topping and bake it.

I didn’t schedule dinner for Thursday night since experience has shown that there’s usually something left from the week and I try to use what I have and leave the fridge space clear for my Shabbos cooking the next day.

I’ve put on my optional list – if I have the energy and time and desire that all coincide at the same time and that’s very much not a given :): zucchini muffins, sweet potato muffins, cornbread muffins (gluten free – I use coconut flour). I’d like to make a large batch so I can put a bunch of them in the freezer. I don’t do much baking and once I’m doing it, I’d like to maximize my efforts.

Avivah

Simple Shabbos preps, celebrating birthdays,reassessing school plans

frugal strategies, homemaking, homeschooling

Last Shabbos we had all of our children and their spouses with us for Shabbos, for the first time since the sheva brachos after the second wedding. It was SO nice to have everyone together; we’re a good sized crew and fill up every space of our dining room table with all the extensions in (seats 16). I’m unsure about where we’ll put anyone else when the time comes!

We celebrated my husband’s birthday while everyone was there. We have a family tradition that everyone shares something they appreciate about the person celebrating the birthday. I especially appreciate that all of our in-law children contributed. My older kids commented that they can really see that the younger boys have gotten the hang of this. When they were younger, they would say silly things or repeat whatever the person before them said. But now they’re able to share meaningful appreciation.  Definitely a family tradition that I’m glad we instituted.

This Shabbos was super quiet – just the younger six boys were home. I made a super simple Shabbos: challah, dips, soup, chicken, sweet potatoes and salad for dinner, with fruit compote for dessert. Day meal: chicken, dips, potato kugel and two salads as well as a plate of carrot rounds (cut by Yirmi) and another plate of tomatoes, with fresh fruit (plums, melon and kiwi) and popsicles for dessert. It’s nice to see that the kids are satisfied with no baked desserts – they keep thanking me for the fresh fruit I’ve been buying!

I made homemade chummus this week. For a long time that has been one of the few things that I buy ready made (other things include mayonnaise and mustard) because my kids like the store bought stuff. It wasn’t very time consuming or difficult to whip up a huge batch – I soaked 1.4 kg of dried chickpeas, cooked them up and made over 4 kg of chummus – the actual prep time was probably about 15 minutes. My version isn’t as creamy as the store bought but it tastes good; it’s definitely better for them since it has no additives, and I use higher quality ingredients, like extra virgin olive oil and fresh lemon…and it still comes out cheaper.

When I make a dip, I prepare a large amount and then fill several smaller containers for the freezer. That way I don’t have to make each dip fresh every Shabbos (I usually serve 4 – 5 dips). This week I pulled out matbucha (a cooked tomato dip), carrot dip, and I had dill dip in the fridge from the double batch I made last week, along with the chummus.

This week I got whole chickens on sale for 12.90 shekel a kilo. Usually I cook them whole, though chicken breast is much better when cooked separately, since it needs less time to cook than dark meat and ends up being on the dry side. I decided to experiment and cut the fresh chickens up myself rather than buy the more expensive cuts separately (chicken breast on sale is twice the price).

So I cut them into different cuts: quarters (in our family this is the preferred cut for Shabbos), wings and necks (for soup), chicken breasts (I made homemade cold cuts for Shabbos lunch with half of them, then put the other half into the freezer – this is my preferred cut for the week for myself). I’ll have to watch a youtube video on how to efficiently cut up a chicken and get a sharper knife before I do this again – it was worth it financially but time-wise was less efficient than I would have liked. Once I’m better prepared, I’m game to try again.

 

I’m happy to share that Rafael (17 months) has been accepted for one of the coveted spots for the special inclusion program at the day care center we applied to. Though I would prefer to keep him home with me next year, that won’be allowed and this program seems like a good option. I’m grateful the process for getting him in was so smooth – believe me, I don’t take that for granted.

Meanwhile, we’ve been researching schools for our twelve year old son. After repeatedly being stonewalled by the school we were interested in, my husband and I finally had a powwow and reassessed if this was really what we felt would be in his best interest. We decided today that we want him to continue homeschooling for another couple of years and will put him into school for high school. He is literally the easiest child to homeschool – he’s fluent in English and Hebrew, is a voracious reader and interested in everything and basically educates himself. It’s really nice to have some clarity and closure on this school decision, because we’ve been in limbo for more than four months and limbo isn’t a fun place to be.

As far as Yirmi’s school plans for next year, I’m also in limbo. I decided to send ds12 and Yirmi to school for the coming year around the time we were making two weddings. I was feeling I wasn’t giving the kids as much time and attention as I would like, and that was a big part of my decision to put them in school. But as time passes and I regroup, I’m able to look at all the gains that they’ve experienced even during the busiest times, rather than focus on what I didn’t do. Also, I’m now back in the groove with regular activities and that feels good to me.

My definition of education is focused on much more than the transmission of information; I place a lot of importance on large amounts of unstructured time for play, time outdoors, physical movement, music, creativity, life skills, money management, time with family, and lots more. Things that aren’t really on the radar in the school setting.

All that is to say that we’re in the process of reassessing our intended plans for Yirmi for the coming year. I’ll write more about whatever decision we make and why, once we make the decision. 🙂

Avivah