I felt it was relevant to share my thoughts in my last post on creating a vision of what you want for your life because of yet another person who called me about homeschooling a couple of days ago.  Well, to be more accurate, he didn’t want to know about homeschooling, but about an alternative to dump his child into since school wasn’t working (ie, wanted to know about paid group opportunities and a homeschooling family who his son could be left with).  This is a question I hear much too often, far less than questions from sincere parents interested in truly homeschooling, and I always stress to parents that homeschooling is first and foremost about a relationship with your child, and taking personal responsibility for their educational needs.   

I asked this parent (in this case the father, usually it’s the mother), what he wanted for his family, the kind of life he wanted them to have, the relationships he wanted to build, and what success would look like.  He didn’t know.  I asked him why his 12 yo son didn’t want to continue going to school.  He didn’t know.  I asked why his wife didn’t want to homeschool his son.  He didn’t know. 

After spending 40 minutes speaking to him, I told him that there were a lot of important questions he didn’t have the answers to, and that I couldn’t help him until he sat down with his wife and discussed what kind of plan they want to have for their family.  I told him that homeschooling isn’t about where to teach the same subjects as school, but is a totally different paradigm of life that begins with the parents having the same goals and values.  He asked if he could schedule a time for his wife to speak to me, and I told him that my conversations with people who aren’t willing to do what’s best for their children (whatever that may be, I don’t define that) are very short, and that it would be a waste of time for all of us unless she created a vision. 

So….if you haven’t thought about why you’re homeschooling, or what kind of results you want to see, you’re shortchanging yourself.  You’ll still probably end up far ahead of the curve in terms of family development, but if you know what you want, you can focus your energy on that goal.  Your chances of success of any kind are much higher if you begin with a plan in mind. 

For me, that wasn’t the specifics of academic accomplishment, though for some that would be included.  I want my children to develop certain competencies that I feel are crucial for success in life – it includes reading, writing, and mathematic competency.  But more than that, is about the kind of family I want to have.  I want my kids to grow up with strong and healthy emotional selves, with confidence in their abilities, to know how to speak to and relate to all kinds of people.  I want them to feel a connection to G-d and to have a meaningful religious life.  I want them to be able to have healthy relationships with their friends, spouses, and children.  And there are other things.

These are some of my basic goals, and I sometimes tweak or change my approach if I feel that will help me reach the goal better.  The focus is on the goal, however, not on what to teach when.

By the way, if you aren’t homeschooling, creating a vision for your family is still critical.  Part of your vision will include using the schools to help you further your goals, and you can determine when schools are working for you by how much closer they bring you to your goals.

Avivah