My ds15 and ds10 are both good baseball players – very good. And for years, I attended every game, sitting in the field with all of the other kids for hours every Sunday while first the younger one played in his league, and then the older one played in his league. But then my husband’s work schedule shifted and he needed to take our only vehicle to work on Sundays, so last year I wasn’t able to attend most of the games.
Fortunately, only my ds10 (then 9) was playing last year; my oldest son had aged out of his league and was coaching his brother’s team, and they went together to the games. This year, they are again both playing baseball, but now in two separately administered leagues which means two different locations. I’m so grateful to my in-laws for taking ds15 to his games, and my mom for taking ds9 to his games, because otherwise they’d really miss out.
As much as I appreciate that they get to their games without my involvement being necessary, I’ve kind of missed being actively involved in supporting them with my presence. They come home and tell me about how the games were, but it’s not the same as you being there to see it for yourself. Several times this season I’ve planned to go to their mid week games, and they’ve been rained out every time. But on Friday I finally got my chance.
Friday isn’t a day that they usually have a game, but this was the All Star game for ds15. What that means is all six teams in the league send their 4 best players to play a game together. They determine who to send by having all of the players on each team vote. Ds was one of those voted in for his team, and since this is an extra game, they needed to schedule it at a time the field was available – 5 pm on Friday afternoon (they ended at 7 to accomodate those who were shomer Shabbos).
Now you might think this wasn’t the most convenient time – and it wasn’t – but I was really glad I’d finally be able to be there! Not only was I able to go, but I took most of the other kids (dh took ds6 and 10 swimming), too. I enjoyed being able to watch him in person, and share in his sense of achievement and pleasure in the game. I was able to watch him pitch during a high pressure situation and feel totally relaxed and confident in him, even as some of his pitches weren’t landing where he wanted them. While he was playing, I was able to appreciate not only the pressure he was under, but how well he handled the pressure, something I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t been there. When I saw him at bat, I saw for myself why he was considered the best hitter in the league. And as I was watching, I kept thinking about this is why it’s so important it is to be involved with something your child cares about, and how grateful I was that I could be there for my ds.
He knew why the legitimate reasons I hadn’t been able to come until now and didn’t have any complaints about it. But when I told him I’d be coming to this game, it meant alot to him – he didn’t expect me to allow him to play late on erev Shabbos, let alone come along myself. He knew it wasn’t convenient for me, and I was able to show him, without saying a word about it, that sharing in something important to him was important to me, too.
You know, we all do things for our kids every day, but when kids assume something is a given in their lives, it’s not much of a deposit in the relationship bank for them. They expect to be fed, for example, so giving them dinner every night isn’t a big deal for them emotionally, though it would be for a child who was neglected and not fed regular meals. It’s generally when you do something that they feel is extra that you have the chance to show how much you care, and this was a significant deposit for ds. When I told my son how much I enjoyed watching him play, he earnestly thanked me for coming and told me how much he appreciated that I was there.
When your children have a passion or interest, follow up on it. And though you need to give them space for it to be ‘theirs’ (not like one of those parents who cares more than the child does about the activity), be actively interested and show that you care. No matter how old they are and how independent they may seem, our interest in them shows them that we love them.
Avivah
