Though both my ds15 and ds10 have been playing league baseball this season, I’ve hardly been to any games. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, but the season this year coincided with me having a baby and they play on days that I haven’t had a car; on the days I’ve been able to go, the games have been rained out! Fortunately, my inlaws have been taking ds15 to his games, and my mother has been taking ds10 to his games, and usually different siblings go along with each of them so they still have their own cheering sections. 🙂
On Friday I finally got my first opportunity. Ds15 was voted one of the top 4 players of his team by his teammates, and as such, participated in the league All Star game (the best 4 players from each of the six teams played in the same game together). It was scheduled for 5 pm which on a Friday isn’t ideal timing, to say the least, but I was so glad to finally be able to see him play! I took along most of the other kids, too (dh took ds10 and 7 swimming). As I watched him play, I thought about how important it is to actively support your child’s interests. Sure, I asked him about his games when he got home and tried to listen to the details attentively, but there’s nothing like being there in person.
And it meant so much to him that I was there. He knew why I hadn’t been able to be at the previous games and knows that taking all of the kids out late on a busy erev Shabbos isn’t what I would generally choose to do for fun, but he really, really appreciated me coming to his All Star game – he thanked me so sincerely afterwards for being there. Kids don’t generally feel unusually loved and nurtured when you give them what they take as a matter of course, but when you do something that they feel is extra, it’s like a deposit in the relationship. This was a big deposit for ds and I didn’t have to say a word – just being there spoke volumes.
It was a wonderful game to watch, and of course it was nice to see that even of all the top players in the league, he was one of the very best. More than that, though, I was able to appreciate how well he handled himself under pressure, how he interacted with his teammates, and see how he genuinely enjoyed the game. I had a lump in my throat watching him at certain points, a lump that comes from feeling grateful to H-shem, not from being sad.
Tonight was the last game in the season, the World Series, a game between the top two teams in the league. The last two years he played, ds was put on weak teams because he was a strong player, presumably an effort by the administration to keep the teams balanced. But it was a lot of pressure for him to feel like he was carrying the team in every game, and frustrating for him because one person can’t win by himself. And those two years his team rarely won a game, which was discouraging, too. Then last year he didn’t play at all. So he especially appreciated being on a good team this year, and his past experiences simultaneously helped him be sensitive to the losing team and not be arrogant about winning.
After a great season, tonight his team won their final game, and all came home with trophies (he also got a trophy for being in the All Star game – now we have to find a place where he can put them so they won’t be demolished by his younger brothers!). I’m glad that he had the chance to play this year, and since this is the last year he can play in this league (due to age), I’m glad he had the experience of playing on a winning team.
I have a little maternal guilt niggling at me that I wasn’t willing to consider this league in the past. The reason is that I wanted him to be in the league that was made up of all religious kids, even though he repeatedly asked to go to this league. This league is more organized, the coaches actively teach strategy and sportsmanship, and the game is played on a higher level. And all the parents of the players were so nice that I felt ashamed of myself for assuming the crowd would be less refined without checking it out for myself. In fact, because of the guidance of the coaches, the behavior and attitude of the players in this league were better than in his old league – one more example of how kids don’t learn good social skills from their peers, but from caring and involved adults. The reason I feel bad is that this is his final year, and he missed being able to play at all last year because he was too old for the other league. He doesn’t ask for much and I’m sorry I wasn’t more open the last couple of years to sending him to the league he really wanted to be in.
Ds10 is now requesting to switch to this league for the coming year, and we’ve agreed that he can (at least for ds10 I won’t make the same mistake). He started playing in his current league when he was 5, two years before the official starting age, since he was an athletic kid. But by the time he was 7, the age most boys were just starting out and learning the rules of the game, he was already one of the best in his league. Then last year as a third grader, some parents on opposite teams thought (and said something) he was unfairly playing in a league too young for him – but he really was with his same age peers. Switching will mean he’ll get the advantage of active coaching and learn new skills, as well as being with other players who will challenge him more.
It’s been a busy baseball season, and as much as the kids have enjoyed it, I always breathe a sigh of relief when it’s over. Just one more game to go for ds10! And then we can begin the busyness of the summer activities!
Avivah
