I received the following two questions within a few days of each other – since they deal with very similar concerns, I’ll respond to them both here. (I apologize that I wasn’t able to answer these before Pesach, as I intended.)
a) >>I’m writing to ask what the general Orthodox Jewish opinion is on homeschooling. You see, since starting to read your blog, and meeting a homeschooling family in person last year, I’m really interested in the possibility of homeschooling my future children. However, I’m in the process of converting to Judaism, and most people with whom I’ve talked about it tell me that at the time of conversion I’ll have to commit to sending my children to day school and homeschooling will thus not be an option. I was wondering if you knew anything about converts and homeschooling or if you had any any advice or reading material or knew anyone I could talk to about this.<<
b) I am curious about home schooling as a frum (my translation:Orthodox) family. We are frum and I am actually in the process of conversion. We used to homeschool before we started the conversion process and we miss it terribly. My daughter is doing well academically but she just wasn’t designed for “school.” I guess I am wondering how you deal with the people who think that you MUST send your children to a religious day school. Also are you part of a frum community, are there others that homeschool as well?<<
The Jewish Orthodox community has more to gain potentially than any other community in this country by embracing home education, in my opinion. I believe that the single biggest stressor on the community is paying tuition for children to attend religious schools, schools which are viewed as an absolute necessity to raising children with Torah values. However, despite the potential gains in many, many ways, there generally is a negative view of homeschooling in the Orthodox community. This isn’t reflective of the results homeschooling families have had – the mindset comes from ignorance for the most part – but it does reflect how important the schools are in our communities.
Someone who is converting to Judaism will be asked to commit to living a Torah life and educating their children according to Torah guidelines. When potential converts are asked to commit to sending their children to yeshivas, I believe it’s important to understand the intent and spirit of the request. They can ask about other ways that they can honor that intent, such as by home educating. The rabbis involved in conversion recognize the huge changes the convert is willing to make in his life, and also recognize that a parent who hasn’t grown up with certain knowledge will have a hard time conveying that to a child without outside support, regardless of his level of commitment or desire. Sending a child to a yeshiva is widely considered the way all children in our community can best be educated in the Torah way.
Now, I obviously don’t agree that it’s the only or best way, and I also believe that educating one’s child/ren at home is fully in accord with a Torah world view. There are rabbis spoke at last year’s Torah Home Education Conference, and others who will speak at this year’s conference. I’d strongly encourage you to attend if it’s at all feasible – all of the speakers are Orthodox and you’ll be able to hear rabbis strongly promoting home education. You can also approach those speaking or in attendance and get feedback about your personal situation. It will be hugely encouraging to you to meet families who have made this choice and hear how they deal with the concerns of making a non-mainstream choice that tends to be frowned upon.
It is very, very important to have a solid relationship with a rabbinical advisor, someone who knows you well. This is because if your rabbi understands who you are, what your motivations are, your level of commitment to a Torah life, and knows you are sincere in all of this, he is more likely to be open to dialogue with you about home education. The rabbis simply want to ensure that your children will be learning what they need in order to feel like members of the community and later give that over to their own children.
I know personally an instance in which a family had been homeschooling their children for a number of years and one parent wanted to convert (the other was Jewish and had become more observant). They were philosophically committed to homeschooling and didn’t want to send their children to school as a proof of their commitment to live a Torah life. This was somewhat a deterrent to the conversion, but the rabbis took lots of time to ascertain the intentions and sincerity of the parents and eventually agreed. They had the support of their rabbi, which was critical. (To the person who asked question A – email me at avivahwerner AT yahoo DOT com and I can send you the name and number of the rabbi who guided them.)
As far as my personal experience: yes, I do live in a large religious community. There are other home educating families here, which is part of why I chose this community when we moved here eight years ago. However, we are very much in the minority and homeschooling still is widely misunderstood.
How do I deal with people who believe you have to send your children to school? Pretty easily :lol:. It’s helpful to learn to be an advocate for yourself and that means being able to effectively communicate your position – or choose not to engage in conversation when it will be unproductive. Though I generally get a lot of positive feedback regarding our choice to educate our children at home, not all homeschoolers share my experience. It depends a lot on your confidence, and honestly, how you and your kids present.
Just tonight someone called me who I haven’t spoken to for a couple of years. She told me she recently saw my oldest son (age 16) and he made such a good impression – she “can’t believe a homeschooler looks like that”, and went on to detail some positives about him. 🙄 Yes, this kind of comment reveals the perspective towards home education of the person speaking. This particular woman is a teacher in a local high school and as she was speaking recognized how close-minded she sounded, and told me that people like her are very skeptical about homeschooling. But when people see home educated kids who are friendly, well-behaved, and well-educated, it starts to change their perspective. (This particular person even said she wants to get parenting lessons from me, lol!)
So to sum up, if you really feel that home education is a path you’d like to explore for your family now or in the future, I don’t think that conversion necessitates giving that up. It will be challenging – very challenging – to pursue homeschooling in the context of conversion, but it’s possible.
Avivah
Leave a Reply