Yesterday I saw an article in this online newsletter, entitled The Best Form of Birth Control regarding the tuition crisis in the Orthodox community. Below was the response I sent to the author in response to this statement: “Home schoolers abound, but the kids spend their learning hours in front of a computer, without healthy peer-to-peer interactions.”
>>I read your recent online newsletter, forwarded to me by a friend. As a long term home educating parent of nine children, she felt I would find your discussion about the challenges day school parents are facing today, as well as your token comment regarding homeschooling, of interest.
I share your belief that the best birth control the Jewish community has is tuition. We have an unsustainable system that is causing tremendous financial pressure on parents throughout the country. It is painful for me to read articles like yours, as well as to hear a similar message in personal discussions on a regular basis because I recognize how much anguish is represented.
Despite my belief that the current educational system is in serious trouble, I have faith in the ability of individuals to look for solutions. Will we have to adapt, and to think differently about education? Absolutely. There are options that parents are either not willing to consider, or are, like yourself, hardly considering before discarding them without thought.
I’m referring to your almost flippant dismissal of homeschooling as an alternative that could bring significant financial relief to parents, without religious or academic compromise. Not only without compromise, but with benefits of individualized learning, increased social and extracurricular opportunities, along with the enhanced self-image and self-esteem that accompanies those who develop without constant comparison to peers on a daily basis for years. A not insignificant benefit is the enhanced family bonding that takes place when siblings and parents spend significant amounts of time together in a healthy and supportive environment.
When I read your comment about homeschooling, I couldn’t help but wonder how you’ve drawn the conclusion that homeschoolers are socially deprived and glued to the computer for hours a day. How many homeschooling families do you know personally who match this description? Many parents share my feelings that computers are a tool that need to be used with caution, lest the time be spent displacing activities of much more value and importance; we limit our high school age children to an hour a day, and our younger children hardly use the computer at all. After homeschooling over a decade, I’ve met numerous families (in person and online) who homeschool, but hardly know any who match your description.
I’m on the other side of the country, but if you were closer, I’d without hesitation invite you to come to our monthly homeschool gatherings to see what homeschooled kids actually look like. Many parents who are interested in homeschooling initially fear that by choosing to homeschooling, their children will be socially weird; it’s actually meeting homeschooled kids and seeing that overall they are more mature and confident than their schooled peers that is the encouragement parents need to begin homeschooling.
If you’re truly looking for an option that isn’t dependent on a wealthy individual to magnanimously throw a lifeline to the struggling schools in time for your family to benefit, I’d suggest you consider looking into homeschooling. There are as many ways to homeschool as there are families, and every family has the ability to make the experience what they want it to be based on their vision. Even for those who don’t make the decision to home educate, thinking outside the box may help you come up with some other viable options.
Best wishes to you and your family in finding a solution that helps you meet your goals and brings you serenity and joy.<<
The article that I linked and responded to brought up the challenges to families of high tuition costs, something I’ve repeatedly seen clearly identified as communally a problematic expectation in forum after forum. Despite being confronted with this reality, one common response seems to be to talk about pulling in more funds from somewhere without making any other substantial changes. I believe that charity dollars are limited but in any case, if a system is fundamentally broken, then bringing in more money to keep it afloat a little longer isn’t tenable long term.
From my vantage point, it seems that homeschooling is slowly becoming more accepted in the Jewish world, and it is one option that can offer tremendous hope to families and communities, if people are willing to look at it with an open mind and find out what it really is – and isn’t – about.
Avivah
Brava, Avivah! Great response!
Good article!
Sorry, this is likely to be a bit lengthy, but I also want to dispel the prevailing fear that home-schooled children may be socially deprived or in some way short-changed.
We listened to all the usual cautions about the social life, and frankly wondered if we should be a bit concerned. So I watched carefully to monitor it and see what would happen. Soon I started getting comments from people at how well-adjusted our children seemed. They were seen as leaders in their peer groups because they had studied so much deeper into their subjects and had a sense of self confidence that was far beyond their years. They weren’t “locked in” to their own age group who can often only able to relate to those of their own age group. They could function politely, respectfully, compassionately with any age. They were not rude, sullen or shy around adults. They were not rude, dismissive or unkind to younger children. They were used to a world peopled with all ages from children in our family and our friends’ families, as well as the parents, grandparents, or whoever was around and could converse with anyone, as they actually had something to say on an intelligent level. This all happened without public speaking classes. They never suffered inferiority complexes. I am not saying that day school children all display these problems, but despite having the usual array of personality types in my brood, I am saying that my children NEVER did.
We did have financial concerns about sending them to private school, but felt we could bear it if need be. We did however live quite far from a suitable school so we were faced with the choice of “public school, less-than-ideal private school, sending them away from us at a ridiculously young age, or keeping them home”. The choice was obvious – there was no choice. I am so glad for that now, for even though it was hard and tested the patience and endurance of us all at times, I would not have missed the kind of family life we had, or the children we produced for anything. This was OUR family – we wanted to provide for our children in every way we could. God had given those children to US to raise and we wanted their respect and their affection. I wasn’t interested in it being transferred to their “cool” friends, their “cooler” parents, or their “cooler-yet” teachers. We didn’t want to delegate most of their care, education or religious development out to others. We wanted to forge an unbreakable family bond, and see to it that they were given every opportunity to develop a spiritual depth that we weren’t noticing so much in others.
The issue of social interaction was a no-brainer for us. We honestly felt they would do better if there could be a little more regulation in their lives in this area so we chose and provided appropriate opportunities for socialization. We didn’t feel that it was beneficial for them to be constantly living in the pockets of their friends. So they came to treasure the opportunities they had and not get into destructive situations. We didn’t like to expose them to the (unfortunately) bad influences we saw. We didn’t want to risk exposing them to be either bullied, or on the other hand part of a clique or the “in-crowd” who might exclude and demean others who were not as smart or good looking or who came from families with a lower social status or income. Now they are fully integrated into their communities, fully accepting and accepted by everyone. They have no preconceived ideas about their own worthiness or that of anyone else. They take people at face value and know how to act so that they can be taken the same way.
We had very real concerns about the quality of education they would receive; whether there would be help available if needed, or if they could advance more quickly if they were able and willing, without being compared favourably or unfavourably with others. We were the only ones who knew how they scored on the yearly government achievement tests that were administered. (It was very high) They NEVER fell behind because I was able to see right away if they didn’t catch on to something and correct it before it caused trouble down the road. They were able to proceed as slowly as needed, or as fast as they chose and were able. Their home school was their homework for the most part. In fact, they took on a lot of voluntary extra work because they loved to really delve deep into their subjects. So they were far beyond what the education system provided – or even could have provided. The education system, in its well-meaning effort to accommodate all students, has no choice but to “bring it down to the lowest common denominator” so the most can be served. Those who are below that standard are stigmatized, mocked and likely left behind to a life of feeling inadequate or “stupid”. Those who are more able are left to boredom and acting out, with unfulfilled potential.
We took seriously the admonition to teach each child in the way that was most suitable for them. We didn’t want to force them into a mold – becoming nothing but pre-cut macaroni. Therefore they are strong, solid, self confident, knowing that they can do anything they set their minds to do. Factory-style generic educational institutions were not known until recent history. Those who were educated, were tutored or apprenticed. From that came the leaders of the community, the Torah giants, etc. We so lament the lack of that caliber of people today. There is no reason why our beloved children should not have the same advantages. If we really can’t do it ourselves, we can hire a tutor. There can be planned joint activities or specific classes, and there can be overseers who are available to help the parents, tutors or students and to ensure that no child is being shortchanged. Why not? It would no doubt be cheaper than multiple tuitions with all the extra expenses on top. And with the inability of the school system to develop each individual to their full potential, many parents are compelled to hire remedial teachers and therapists and private tutors on TOP of the usual horrendous tuition bills. For that reason, I was also asked to take in other paying students who were having it hard in school.
By the way, we had no computers until very much later on and never any internet to help us along! If we had, I imagine I would have found a way to use it judiciously.
We formed such a strong conviction about homeschooling that we persevered right through high school. Today, 30 years later, I would gladly do it all again. Today my children are totally functioning, well adjusted, fine adults who also appreciate what we did for them.
Yes, it was a huge commitment. But what would I rather do – take myself into the workplace with all its trials so that I could better afford to send the children out of our home to pick up what they may from a struggling system? No. The commitment was WELL worth it. I am more than thrilled with the outcome of our home education.
Well done, Avivah!