Well, dd15 is now in Israel.

Yesterday was a somewhat grueling day.  I’d been pretty sick the day before – I’m not going to waste time on details but I was feeling really, really horrible.  The thought even flitted through my mind not to go with the rest of the family to the airport – I was physically in a lot of pain and didn’t know how I’d manage sitting for hours in a car (the airport is in NY) when even lying down was difficult.  But there are times that you go beyond your physical capacity, and I think having children regularly pushes you beyond these capacities!  🙂  It honestly wasn’t an easy day for me but it was very important for me to be present.

We left about 9:30 in the morning, but after stopping at a friend’s house so dd could say goodbye, and then to pick up some school supplies, it wasn’t until 10:30 that we were on the highway.  Dh and I switched off driving, which gave both of us a chance to rest and helped distract me from how terrible I felt.  We drove to pick up ds17 from yeshiva and got there at the end of the afternoon break, which was great timing.

As we drove up, one of the kids exclaimed in excitement, “This is the picture from the website!”  It felt more amazing to them since they had seen pictures online and now were able to be there in person.  We went into the office to wait for ds and everybody gave him a big hug when he came in, which is typical for our family; if someone is gone for even a day they get big hugs when they come back!   The secretary was lovely and told us how nice our family was and offered the kids peppermints, which they were happy to accept.  Ds took the boys and dh to his dorm to show them around; I would have loved to have seen his room and if it was during the learning session I would have felt comfortable to go in but during breaks you have guys walking in and out of showers, stuff like that, so not a place for females.

It was so perfect that his yeshiva is only 15 minutes from the airport, so after our short visit at his campus we turned back around and got dd15 to the airport at the designated check-in time.  After checking in, we went to a different terminal for the planned reception.  It was a long trek from one terminal to another and kind of challenging for me so what usually would have been a normal walk felt like a marathon.

We finally got to the other terminal and it was so nice that they had arranged for real food and vegetable platters to be served in addition to some cookies.  Dh had packed for our trip and  the food that was brought wasn’t quite what I would have chosen, and I was concerned that hunger was going to become a real issue by the afternoon.  This allayed that concern.

The speaker for the reception started right on time, which was a pleasant surprise, and the entire thing was quite short.  It was scheduled for 1 1/2 hours, but after 30 minutes they announced that the organizer was leading the group back to the terminal.  When they made this announcement, my dh had taken the younger half of the family to the bathroom and I didn’t see any reason to rush everyone when: a) I could find my way back to the original terminal just fine, someone leading the group there in the first place would have been more helpful!; b) I had no interest in being with a large group of people in a small area where there would be no room to sit and nothing to do.  I wanted a little time and space with dd before she left and it seemed the room we were in was a much better place for that.  And it was.

I hoped we’d have time to be together a little, but between dh going to mincha, dd davening mincha (praying afternoon service), various kids going to the bathroom and needing to be taken to the water fountain, it wasn’t exactly focused family bonding time since someone was doing something the entire time!   To have proactively pulled everyone together would have required a lot of effort and energy that I generally can command but had to accept at this time that as much as I wanted to do it, I couldn’t.

Before the group left the area, I checked with both representatives separately, told them that we weren’t accompanying them right then but would meet the group for boarding, and asked when we should be there for boarding.  6:30 pm they both said.  That confirmed what the schedule which had been emailed several times had said, so we left the reception terminal 40 minutes before boarding time to give ourselves plenty of time to get there.  I like to be places on time and don’t like cutting things short, and particularly for dd’s sake, wanted to get there earlier than the scheduled time so she wouldn’t feel anxious about not being with everyone.

However, this wasn’t helpful since dd ended up feeling like we were late even though we got there early!  The representatives apparently made the decision to board the group an hour early after getting the group back to the terminal.  I can understand why.  What do you do with a large group of people when there’s nothing for them to do, and not more than 10 seats in the entire area, than expedite your schedule?  I didn’t mind the change in plans.  What I minded was that it bothered dd, who started thinking we did something wrong and were very late on schedule, and started feeling very pressured.

The airline representative didn’t make it any better – have you noticed the people lowest on the totem pole often inflate their own importance by acting like they have more power than they do?    I know this and having traveled internationally a number of times, I also am quite familiar with flight protocols, boarding times, etc.  When the rep told us with disdain that dd should have boarded an hour earlier with her group, I knew this was more about power than about anything else.  But dd didn’t.  Grrrr.  I almost wanted to smack this woman because dd started crying at this point.  As a parent you want to do what you can to make things easier for your child, and it’s frustrating when your efforts seem to backfire.  Dd isn’t emotionally overreactive as a rule, but this was an understandable exception.

Everyone got teary eyed when dd hugged them goodbye, except me since I went with her up until the security line.  Officially only passengers are supposed to go in this line, but until they checked her boarding pass I wanted to be with her.  Before we got in line I introduced myself to a family who had a daughter going to the same program who had gotten to the terminal within the listed time for the scheduled reception but after the early departure of the group.  So I told the mother to send her daughter over to mine after they said their goodbyes so they could board together.

While we were in line, I explained all that was left in the boarding process was to walk through the security line that was directly in front of us, then to make an immediate left (I was able to clearly p0int this out since it was only about 15 yards away) and walk to the gate labeled 6.  But she was already feeling nervous and uncertain about not having gone through with the group, and I’m glad she was able to go through it with someone else, because being with someone else really does drastically lower anxiety in a situation like this.  I hugged her goodbye and thankfully didn’t start crying even though I’d been warning my family that I’d be crying buckets so to come prepared with lots of tissues for me.  🙂  (Afterward dh told me that when I accompanied dd a little further past the point where everyone else waited, he said to the kids, “Hey, it’s no fair, we’re going to miss seeing Mommy get all emotional!”)  I say thankfully because there was enough emotion for dd without me adding more, not because I’m advocating denying one’s emotions!

As soon as they entered the security line the other mother called the representative in charge and told her where our girls were at, and the rep said she’d be watching for them on the other side.  I wish I could have told dd this so she would have known that people were looking out for her since I think she would have felt reassured – there was only a walk of a couple of minutes from where I could see her go to where someone else would be waiting.   I  waited there for a while until dd got through security (it took a half hour since the other girl was delayed – her mother was guessing it was her bangles she couldn’t remove), after which they immediately turned a corner so I couldn’t see her anymore.

I was a little disappointed not to be able to see any of the other parents, who I anticipated being able to chat with after the boarding.  Some I had met several months ago in NYC for the day long screening and it would have been nice to have touched base again.   Another set of parents I saw in the airport briefly who used to live in my area but moved to AL – they have a son going to the boys’ program so I had no idea they were going and it would have been nice to catch up with them.  And the lovely long term email pal who is the one who turned me on to this program – thanks, E! – I would have loved to have talked once the girls had boarded and all of us parents were feeling more relaxed.  But everything works out as it’s meant to be.

We finally left and drove ds17 back to yeshiva, arriving in time for his evening learning session – he only missed the afternoon session. He and dd are very close and it was important to have him there with the rest of us to see her off, but I was glad we were able to minimize the interruptions to his schedule. A couple of people made comments that implied how difficult it would be to take everyone for such a long day of driving (particularly for the littles), but to us it wasn’t even a consideration to leave anyone behind.  It’s just how our family does things.

After dropping ds off, we then headed back home, arriving at 12:30 am.  Thankfully everyone transferred to their beds pretty smoothly and I woke up knowing that dd was already in Israel!  Isn’t incredible that we live in times when major travel can be completed so quickly and easily?!

Dd15 called dh at work to tell him the cell phone and special card for Israel calls we bought weren’t compatible and since she was borrowing a phone, literally didn’t talk for more than a minute.  So that was the extent of the call.  Very disappointing since all day long everyone was waiting for her call with every ring of the phone!  Fortunately she emailed me later in the day to say that she wrote a post on her blog that we could read – I don’t generally read her blog since it’s a vehicle for communicating with her friends and I feel it would be a violation of her privacy.  (For her year in Israel we’ll be reading regularly.)  I read her post out loud to the kids during dinner, since that was when I saw her message come through.  (I almost started crying the first two times I started trying to read it out loud, though.)

She sounds really happy and really tired.  Really, really tired.  Seriously, all of these kids must be going on fumes because it sounded like most of them didn’t sleep during the flight and probably didn’t sleep much the night before they left, either!  Hopefully we’ll get to talk to her tomorrow, but for now I’m just happy to know that she’s arrived safely and things are going well so far.  Dd is a great girl with a wonderful energy and attitude toward people and life, and I’m optimistic that this year will be an incredible experience for her.

As far as how I feel about having the oldest two gone, that’s another topic…..

Avivah