Yesterday I had some trick or treaters come knocking in the afternoon, the first to ever come in the four plus years I’ve been living in this house.  My block has very few kids so I guess that’s why I suppose we don’t attract many young children trick or treating.  When I lived in a neighborhood where children frequently knocked on Halloween, I tried to have something to give them, but it isn’t something I do anymore since it hasn’t been necessary!   So when my ds11 answered the door yesterday, he had to tell them we didn’t have anything.

Now I have to tell you that I think trick or treating is an obnoxious activity.  It encourages selfishness, greediness, and attitude of entitlement – and I saw all of that in the response I overheard.  The older of the two children (age about 11 – 12) shouted at ds, “Oh, come on!”  As if they deserved something.  I really dislike when people think they deserve something for doing nothing.  You don’t deserve anything unless you do something to earn it; if someone out of their goodwill wants to give someone something, that’s coming from the goodness of their heart, and children need to be taught by their parents before they knock on the very first door that they need to be appreciative for what they get. 

That’s why I don’t really fault the child for his response – it reflected the lack of guidance and parenting from the adults in his life.   Parents are doing their children a huge disservice to let them believe that it’s acceptable to grab what they can for the day and rush to grab from the next person, just because everyone else is doing it.  This attitude of entitlement harms children and leads to the same kind of thinking in adults. 

Children today are so incredibly entitled,  and a big part of that is there are very few adult expectations of them to give or share with others.  Someone I hadn’t yet met stopped me last week at co-op when I was outside with the boys to tell me what wonderful children I have.  I had never met her so it obviously wasn’t about me!  Why was she so effusive about my children?  Because she had subbed for a class that my ds11 was in, and when he saw her carrying in some boxes, he stopped what he was doing to help her bring them in.  And, she emphasized, not one other adult or child even asked if she needed help.  She was very impressed by ds, but why should something like this be so unusual?  It shouldn’t.  But it is because parents are missing the opportunities to teach their children to think about others.

Kids have so few opportunities to give and are basically taking all the time – we don’t teach kids to do for others by telling them it’s okay to focus on what they want and make demands of others.  I know Halloween is only once a year, but the attitude that permeates the day reflects much more than that.  Parents need to look for opportunities to build character, and Halloween could be an incredible day of fun for everyone if children were taught to focus on making those they encountered happy (eg by showing their costumes or being sure to smile sincerely and say a sincere thank you).

Avivah