>>What do homeschooling parents do when their child or children drive them crazy alot of the time? I don’t want to send my son to school just to give myself a break–but I’m interested to hear suggestions of how other parents give themselves a break within an hsing framework.<<

Some of us have perfectly behaved children so we don’t have to deal with this issue – LOL!

Seriously, this question is one that I think lots of mothers can relate to, whether homeschooling or not.  For me this is an issue that has become much less of an issue over the years – maybe partially because I don’t have negative judgement of myself or my kids when some days are harder than others, and partially because we’re used to being around each other and enjoy each other for the most part.  If I see someone is having a hard time (and this includes me), I try to see where it’s coming from, and address the source. 

For example, an overtired child will be sent to take a nap, or go to sleep early, and I’ll remind myself that the behavior I’m seeing is because of exhaustion.  Sometimes I get busy with all that needs to be done and don’t take enough time to really connect with them at a heart level, and it shows up in what looks like misbehavior.  If our schedule is too busy and overscheduled, then it means pulling back and assessing what is adding value and what isn’t, and making appropriate changes.  It just depends on what is going on, and addressing the root issue vs the symptom is what has worked for me.

Since I now have older kids around, I can physically take a break if I need to, which  obviously won’t be a helpful suggestion for a mom with much younger kids.:)  I’ve shared several times here that I think that a daily rest time can be helpful, and this is something I did this until our oldest was 10 or so. They didn’t have to sleep, but they had to be quiet – reading, listening to a cassette, etc – and they had to stay in their room – for an hour.  This gave me a chance to have a breather, and this daily recharging kept me going even during the less pleasant days (and we all have them).  

When a mom is feeling positive and relaxed, she transmits that and the kids tend to be lots more enjoyable to be around in that case.  It’s usually when we’re tired, tense, burnt out, or overwhelmed in general that our kids seem to be the most challenging, and it’s not coincidental!  Our children are super attuned to our emotions and pick up on signals we sometimes don’t even realize we’re projecting!  For that reason, I feel that self-care is a critical part of being able to maintain your emotional equilibrium and be the kind of parent you want to be. 

Also, it was very helpful when I respected my needs as a parent and clarified for my children what acceptable standards of behavior in our home were. When I did this and consistently gave this same message, supporting my words with action, things became much more enjoyable as I didn’t feel myself getting tense about lots of annoying things – if it really bugged me, I dealt with it right away, and made it clear the actions were off limits, even if it wouldn’t bother other moms – and for the most part, the kids stopped doing it (after learning that there would be decisive action if they did).

Here are some starter questions you can ask yourself.  Do you expect too much of your child?  Do you expect too much of yourself?  Is this behavior normal for a child his/her age?  Are you dealing with a lot outside of the homeschooling arena that is affecting your energy?  Everyone will have different answers, but clarifying your answers will help you find the the best solution for you.

Avivah