“I am just curious…why did you choose Karmiel?”

I haven’t ever visited Karmiel, so everything that I’ll share is based on impressions gleaned from others.  I spent quite a bit of time thinking about the factors I felt would be most conducive to a positive transition for all of our family members to Israeli living, in the short and long term, before deciding on a community.  The main factors were were: religious environment, social environment, and affordability.  And basically Karmiel was the community that best met my criteria.

Religious environment – The charedi (religiously conservative) communities tend to be heavily into conformity and this can be particularly hard for Anglo teens who are used to a more open and accepting kind of environment to adjust to.  I don’t believe forcing observance on kids is an effective approach, and I personally try to help them see meaning in a Torah way of life and a relationship with Hashem (G-d).  I was concerned that putting my children in a community where there is so much importance placed on external conformity might religiously be a turn-off and move them away from our values rather than towards them.

My impression of Karmiel is that the definition of charedi also is more inclusive there, and that in general there’s more acceptance for people of all religious levels.  Being in a more relaxed environment allows people to find their place rather than having it forced on them.  While I know how unusual homeschooling is in Israel, and expect to frequently be asked about it (which doesn’t threaten or bother me), I didn’t want to put our family in a framework where we could expect to be looked down upon, if not ostracized, from the get-go.  The community I used to live in would be such a place – when I visited in February, someone asked me about homeschooling, and mentioned that I could never do it if I lived there; after all, it’s not ‘mekubal’ (accepted).  That’s the mentality that I refer to wanting to avoid – if something is ‘not done’, then it’s simply not done and that in and of itself is justification for not exploring an option any further.  In a place like that, a family who does what ‘isn’t done’ may be seriously putting themselves at risk for being viewed as very much ‘less than’.

Karmiel has a small charedi community; many of the Israeli families there are connected with the kollel, which has a strong outreach component.  The relationships between the charedi and secular Jews there seems to be positive, something that isn’t typical in Israel (where groups tend to polarize religiously).  This is something I appreciate and value.

Social environment – there are two main components that I was concerned with:  a) integration; b) feeling of connection to others.

It’s really nice in some ways to move to a heavily Anglo area where there are lots of people who speak your language and have the same social references and expectations that you do.  The problem is, it can very easily become a crutch.  Dd14 was recently speaking to a friend who moved to Israel two years ago, and asked her how her spoken Hebrew is.  The girl told her she doesn’t speak Hebrew – her parents and all of her friends speak English, so despite being in a Hebrew-speaking school, she doesn’t need to learn it to get along.  I don’t think this is uncommon and it’s certainly not a criticism, just a reflection of what can easily happen – people don’t need to stretch too far outside of their comfort zones.

Since I want my children to be able to integrate into Israeli society, it was important to put them in an environment that would support them in that – so we’re avoiding the Anglo bubble communities.  (Lest anyone think I think Anglo communities are a bad thing – I don’t.  I definitely understand the appeal, and for some people it’s absolutely the best place for them.  But for us it wasn’t what I was looking for. )  Although initially it’s not easy when you don’t speak the language and aren’t easily understood by those around you, it pushes you to try your best and to improve your command of the language, even if you feel uncomfortable.

At the same time, I didn’t want to be a community with no Anglo presence.  Whether people will criticize this or not, the fact is that most of us share cultural references based on how and where we were raised, and it’s nice to be with those who understand your points of reference.  There are a small number of Anglo families, and I expect this number to grow – Anglos tend to not want to move to a community until there’s a critical mass of other Anglos.  (We experienced this in Beitar, where we were one of the earlier English speaking families there.)

When I looked back at the places we’ve lived that we’ve been happiest and why, I saw that we especially appreciated being part of a newly growing community.  Karmiel is at this stage now.  When a community is smaller, you don’t assume someone else is doing something and you’re not needed – there’s not only room for someone to step up and get involved, but it’s encouraged.   You feel needed, that your presence matters to your community.  Since we aren’t moving to a place where we already have a big support network established, I felt it would be good for all of us to be in a place where we could more quickly build our connections, and connections are more quickly established when people are working harder to connect with each other in the framework of a smaller and more personal community.  An Israeli rav from Haifa visited Baltimore recently and after learning that we were moving to Karmiel, told us that the rav of the city would be delighted that our family was moving there.  So if our presence would be welcomed by the Israeli charedi community, it stands to reason that the English speaking community, which is much smaller, would appreciate it.

Everyone needs to matter, and that includes kids.  It’s hard to move to a large community with lots of English speakers and feel that no one really notices you’re there.  Dd14 will increase the English speaking population of her high school by 25% when she comes, and the other girl in the tenth grade who speaks English is excited about her coming!   I hope that it will make it easier for the kids to make friends, as well.

Affordability – I can’t say that anywhere in Israel is cheap – it’s really a question of what’s less unaffordable!  🙂  In all seriousness, rents are high and we felt it prudent to choose an area where the cost of housing would be on the lower side.  The north of Israel is significantly less expensive to live in than the center of the country, and you get ‘more bang for your buck’.  At the same time, there’s more natural beauty, greenery, and housing is more spread out.  Though I definitely enjoy the conveniences of city living, natural beauty enhances my sense of spiritual connection and serenity.  It’s a calmer feeling than living in the city, and I prefer to raise my children in that environment than in the bustling city.

If there’s an aspect that I didn’t address that you’d like me to answer, please ask!

Avivah